thankful for miracles

 

A few weeks ago we had our small group from our former church over to our new place. I was busy in the kitchen when the first family arrived: Scott, Emily and Calvin. Calvin. Miracle boy Calvin who I have prayed for since he was 20 weeks old inside of his mama. And there he was... standing in my kitchen. A miracle looking back at me.

You might remember me writing about Calvin here and here. He is the son of our good friends Scott and Emily, born with his heart and liver on the outside of his body. He is a miracle in our midst. After hearing about his life in the ICU for his first seven months, praying with might as he endured numerous risky and bold surgeries and getting to know him through stories, pictures and caring bridge posts, there he was in my kitchen.

I asked Emily if I could share a post they wrote on their Caring Bridge site on November 7th. When I read this and my heart was overflowing with joy, remembering once again that I believe in miracles. I forget that sometimes. But read the following. I can think of nothing more fitting to post on thanksgiving, a day to reflect on everything we are grateful for. At the top of the list: a loving God who is still active and at work in the lives and hearts of all of his children.

One year . . . it’s been one year since Calvin came home for the very first time! What a year it has been! Here’s a recap of what the past year has brought:

Calvin came home at the age of 7 1/2 months, he could not sit on his own, he could not breath on his own. He had never made a cry or a noise with his voice. He came home connected to a ventilator 24/7. One year ago, he had a G and J tube down his nasal passages. His heart was not completely healed over with skin. He was missing the middle of his diaphragm. His liver was still protruding from his abdomen. Our nursing care was a required 24 hours a day 7 days a week. He had not met most of his family prior to coming home. He was in 12 month clothes! He could only sign the word “dog”. The only place he had ever been was the hospital and the yard of the hospital.

Calvin is now 19 1/2 months, he can sit, scoot, stand and walk on his own. He can breath on his own. He loves to make audible voice sounds. He is not connected to a ventilator. He no longer has two feeding tubes going through his nose, instead he has one tube going directly into his stomach through the side of his abdomen. His heart his completely covered with his own skin. He now has a whole diaphragm. His liver has been put back into his abdominal cavity. We have 16 hours of nursing a day (on average). He has met most of his family multiple times. He is still in 12 months clothes, but does wear 18 and 24 sometimes. He has a signing vocabulary of 30+ signs. He has made trips to the zoo, a couple stores, the park, his grandparents among a few other places.

Some more current things about Calvin: he loves cars, I mean LOVES, he asks multiple times a day to go in the car; he likes to point out everything that he sees all day long; he no longer takes naps; he likes to make us (and himself) laugh; he is finally wanting to snuggle us sometimes; he LOVES television although he isn’t allowed to watch it much; he loves to kiss everybody and everything (and they are the best little kisses ever); he has learned how to whine; and he thinks that people in blue scrubs are scary. 
 
The past year at home has brought many joys, tears, and challenges. We have had a few hospitalizations, but in general he was home most of the year. Calvin has been blessed by God with good health, healing and continued progress without any hiccups along the way. We love our little boy so much and wouldn’t change a thing about him. This coming year will be sure to bring many changes and challenges as well as we work to get his trach out and he works on learning how to eat. Thank you for walking this journey with us. Please continue to pray for us. 
 
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

This battle belongs to the Lord and is more than a health condition, it’s for His glory.

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. 1 Corinthians 9:24-25

sweet sonna

Annika came home from parent teacher conferences and was met at the door by her girls. She told them, "Oh girls, your teachers love you so much. I am so blessed to be your mom and to get to hear of how you are a friend to others, are good listeners and respectful to the teacher and how you work very hard at learning every day."

Annika had a folder for each girl, filled with their own papers and projects showing their mastery of different skills. Sonna was rummaging through her folder and asked her mom, "Where is the one where she wrote she loves me?"

the funny/not-so-funny things Ivar says

 

"In a minute, baby Elsie." This is said when baby Elsie is crying and I am not able to tend to her right away. Ivar sounds suspiciously like me when he says it.

"not quite" said high pitched and encouraging with two syllables on quite. This is said while trying to put duplos together and they don't quite fit. He also says, "just about" in that same high pitched, encouraging tone. Again with duplos.

"Baby Elsie! Daddo downstairs! Making coffee!" This is how Ivar greeted Elsie one morning. Adorable. And so amazing to me. It is incredible to watch his speech progress.

"Oh mama! See Stars!" While dusting off the top of a cupboard in our bedroom a lot of dust started to stream through the light pouring in our window. Ivar was on the bed and saw the dust sparkling in the air.

"Stop it! Stop it, Mama!" Said while I try to wrestle him into his coat, try to put his shoes on, get him in his jammies. This is a hard one to combat. My knee jerk response is to snap back, "Ivar! Stop it. You cannot say..." And then it's just too obvious where he has learned that phrase.

"Sit down. Sit here. Let's play, Mama." Melt my heart. I love this invitation.

"No, mine, Mama." This is said as I begin to play with his toys. I do not know where he learned that four letter word, but I am not a fan. In my head I think, You wanna bet? Who do you think bought you these toys?

"Oh Bible! Jesus! Lions! Big Fish! Noah's Ark!" I am trying hard to get him to sing Jesus Loves Me for the flip cam. Some parts are perfectly clear, other parts take some creative liberty. It makes me so happy.

"Mama! Almost home." When we hit the gravel road on our way back to our house.

an elsie fashion show: one month old

I am very late in posting these pictures...three months late, actually. Josie, the wardrobe director on this photo shoot, has been patiently waiting for this post ever since we took the pictures. We took SO MANY pictures that day I was just overwhelmed picking my favorites. But since Elsie just made the jump into 9 month clothes, and this was a photoshoot of her wearing my favorite newborn and 0-3 month outfits, I thought I had better get these pictures up. (That pink bonnet above was mine when I was Elsie's age!)

 

Josie is a favorite around these parts. Most often referred to as "Osie!" she is well loved and even had the patience to teach Ivar how to play hide-and-seek...which consisted of a lot of lessons on how to keep our eyes closed and not follow the person hiding.

This first dress came from Hawaii from Mimi. I'm pretty sure Elsie is saying in this picture, "Let's go to Waikiki, Mimi."

 

 

 

Now, if you'll excuse me, I am going to go and put another blanket on Elsie. Given the wind outside my window right now, it just doesn't look like she is wearing enough clothes in these pictures!

leaves!

Our old house in Minneapolis had two trees and therefore two trees worth of leaves. Can't count the trees we have here...but I can count the number of times I dragged this 12 by 16 foot tarp into the grove, heavy with leaves. Eight is the number. And that's only the front of the yard. Haven't even made it to the back.

But for the record, raking is great upper body cardio!

 

a true story

Sunday we came home from church and I was feeling really ill. So I ate some crackers, fed Elsie and went to bed. I had the chills, had the sweats, had a bucket near by.

At 4:30 that afternoon I woke up and was taking it nice and easy. Rory had just changed Elsie who was still wearing her dress from church but nothing but a diaper on the bottom. This is important to note because as we sat in Ivar's room watching him play, Elsie sitting upright on my lap, she filled that diaper. Or she would have filled that diaper had it been covering both of her butt cheeks. Instead I suddenly felt lots of warmth on my lap.

I hollered for Rory to come and take his daughter. He had heard the filling from the other room and we laughed when he lifted her away. The diaper was empty. My pajama pants were a sight. 

Ivar was interested in what we were laughing at and came to look. But the second he saw my pants his face fell and he went white. His eyes began to water and he looked like he was choking on his tongue. I tried to reverse this moment, but it was too late. The boy lost his lunch, projectile, getting the floor, himself and mostly my pajama pants.

It didn't stop for a while. I yelled for a bucket and Rory threw the one that had been by my bed into Ivar's room running back to Elsie and yelling, "why is this happening?!!"

Minutes later Rory was taking all articles of clothing...Elsie's soiled leggings, Ivar's spewed on shirt and pants, and my poor pajama pants that were victim of both, and starting a load of laundry. I was on my knees working spot shot into the carpet, and Ivar was playing with his bath toys in a tub with no water, waiting for one of us to be able to supervise.

When Rory came back upstairs he began to run Ivar's bath water and I commented, "hey. remember how I am the sick one today? let's not forget that."

Ivar was fine after his bath. We now know he has a terribly weak stomach. And Elsie was fine once she had a diaper covering both cheeks. And strangely, after inhaling the fumes of spot shot and gross, I started to feel better too. I think it was the adrenaline of surprise shooting through me (or shooting at me?) that kicked me back into mother mode. Clearly there's really no good time for the mama to get sick.

sockie booboo

Ivar's favorite game lately is playing "nigh nigh! (tiny pause) good morning!"

His favorite thing to say is "sockie booboo." We have no idea what this means and have tried every coy way to try to figure it out. But he says it just out of the blue, "Hey Mama! Sockie Booboo!" Any good guesses?

The other super fun development is that Ivar can tell us stories now. A few weeks ago he spent the night with Kyle and Lisa. He came home saying on repeat, "Uncle Lisa! Kyle! Scuse Me!" Uncle Kyle had introduced him to Steve Martin via youtube and Ivar learned how to say, "Well Excuuuuuse Me!" Except Ivar's version is very staccato and always with Uncle Lisa and Kyle.

Then on Saturday Ivar spent the day with my dad and Svea. And when I was driving Ivar home he kept saying, "Grandpa say Slllooowwww Slow Slllloooooowwwww." I was almost home before I called my dad and asked what he was talking about. And dad replied, "that kid eats so fast, I kept telling him 'slow Ivar. sllllowww. you'll choke." 

Until tomorrow, Sockie Booboo!

a little catch up

I have so much that I have wanted to share on this blog. Little time I guess. So here are a few of the things in my head in one very random mind dump:

+I chose this picture to begin this post for two reasons. Number one: because it's adorable. Number two: to announce that my bangs are finally long enough to pull back. Somebody shout something!! Many a bobby pin has been used to keep these bangs out my eyes and now they are officially part of the rest of my hair. Praisalluja!

+My sister is wise. She was at a conference last week and told me later, "it was good. one session was pretty basic and a waste of time but I had stationary in my bag so I wrote notes to our aunts." And then she told me that she always brings stationary to events like this just in case. What foresight!

+And she shared this with me: She has a friend who is trying to create more rhythm and routine in her life in an attempt to take better care of herself. So she decided that every day she would 1) make her bed 2) put fresh lemon in her water bottle and 3) put nice lotion on her feet, followed by thick socks before she goes to bed. And the friend reported that these three simple things really make a difference in her everyday. I liked these ideas a lot.

+I think Annika is so pretty. She looks tired in this picture, and cold, but I think she is so beautiful.

 

+ When we were on the north shore for the Harrington Family Reunion I got to hear my brother read bedtime stories to the kids. And it was awesome. He's an attorney, but the man has a real knack for reading Winnie the Pooh. He used different voices for all of the characters. He sped up and slowed down, he was loud for some voices and quiet for others. I was transfixed. And he didn't even know I was listening. He was up in the loft with the kids and I was down below. But I left totally convicted that I need to up my game for bedtime stories. It's time to bring it.

+Also. While en route to the north shore I looked back at Ivar in his footie pajamas (we set out early) and asked Rory if he had grabbed Ivar's shoes by the door before we left. He did not. I didn't either. So Ivar got to wear pink mary janes for four days of hiking on rocks. Thankfully my cousin Yang Yang and his daughter Nui Nui had brought these brand new shoes to give to Svea for her birthday. But they fit Ivar, and he really made them his own.

+And, after a few people asked: Yang Yang is my Aunt Jane's nephew. He came to the United States probably 15 years ago and I consider him a cousin...my only cousin on the Harrington side. He married Nancy and they have Nui Nui. Unfortunately Nancy couldn't make it to the reunion because she was abroad (I think in Poland) for a work conference. Thank you YY and NN for letting Ivar wear the shoes you intended for Svea all weekend!

+Finally, I will close with a picture I just came across while looking at all of these North Shore pictures. I appreciate that they included a dog in this quality photo op from Split Rock.

today she's 37

She's always known how to rock an outfit. Skinny enough to tie a bandanna around her waist. She's jazzy on the flute and has 20/40 vision. She's my sister, and today she's 37.

She's not afraid to tuck her pants into her socks and is always ready to pose for the camera. She's got thick hair to create large feathered bangs, glasses on her cheeks and teeth that are just about fully grown. Today those teeth are fully grown, because today she's 37.

She's not afraid to color block, trendy way ahead of her time. She matches her necklace to her shorts, her socks with her short sleeve sweatshirt and lets her side pony blow casually with the wind. She's my sister. And today she's 37.

I've always wanted to be just like her. Always wanted to tie my shoes on a tall fence in a birch forest. Always looked up to her, loved her with all my heart and felt blessed beyond measure that she's my big sister. Today's her birthday. She's 37.

Leave her a facebook message or drop her an email. Or leave her a little love in the comments today. I'll make sure she sees this post.  

Heh.

ivar turns two

 

My little baby boy turned two. And he is nothing but wonderful.

 

I remember thinking after his first birthday party that I wouldn't do such a huge blow out party for his second birthday. I remember at the end of that party realizing how little time I had spent with Ivar as I decorated the house, prepared the meal, organized the games... this year I was hoping to do something a little more simple.

 

So instead we had four mini parties. Because four parties sounds like way less than one party, right? Hmmm. Not really sure what I was thinking. We had cupcakes four days in a row, lit candles four days in a row, cleaned the house four days in a row. Next year: one big blow out party.

 

First, our new neighbors came on Thursday, his actual birthday. Ivar loves them so much and they love Ivar. They knew him well and got him a dump truck that dumps duplos. And a digger and a garbage truck. Ivar was thrilled.

 

The next day we had over our old (former!) neighbors, George and Katherine. Oh how we miss these guys. They loved seeing our place, and loved seeing our kids. Ivar warmed up to them right away, Elsie got some good snuggles and Katherine brought match box cars and beanie babies for Ivar.

 

Then on Saturday, we had the Harrington party. Party is probably too strong of a word. I was exhausted and my mom and sister got the meal on the table and Mara and Sonna decorated the cupcakes. Annika, Jedd and Rory all took naps at various points during the afternoon, and that maybe describes the laid back tone of the day the best. But Mara and Sonna found their own fun making a jungle gym out of the scaffolding and a teeter totter out of scrap wood.

 

And then on Sunday we had the Groves over for what turned out to be the most party-like of the parties. We fit everyone around one table in our kitchen and had taco pie, chocolate cupcakes with little john deer hats my mom had found the day before, cows, tractors and presents. It was pretty awesome.

Ivar was celebrated. He was singing the happy birthday song to himself when I put him down for his nap yesterday. Pretty sure he thinks a birthday lasts days and days.

happy halloween!

 

 

 

Our first animals at No Cow Farm: a baby chicken and a little cow.

Huge thanks to my cousin Sarah who had the chicken costume.

notes in a cookbook

So here's a super fun idea from my mom. Record when you made a certain recipe right in your cookbook. I was at my mom's on Friday and decided to make cookies with Mara, Sonna and Svea. I opened this well loved Shepherd of the Valley cookbook and found this page with our favorite oatmeal cookie recipe. And it made me laugh out loud.

First of all, I did the math and Annika and I first made these cookies over TWENTY years ago. What on earth. October 1991. I was in forth grade. Then again in 1992 and a couple times in September of 1993, once with my great life long friend, Jenny Snyder.

The best part is my own handwriting adding a bit more detail to the directions. I remember the first time I tried these on my own and I followed Genevieve's directions as they were written. Which left me quite confused as to when the eggs and butter should have been added. The dough was terrible and they didn't turn out. We were out of butter so I couldn't start over and I was so frustrated. Look at that arrow and sad face next to Genevieve's name! (She has now passed away, but man I love church cookbooks. I love that you know these people!)

Mara added our names with 2012 so that in another twenty plus years, we can come back and see what we made.

And then the girls took turns holding Baby Elsie.

My sister Annika just told me that Mara has been telling people, "My aunt was making these cookies all the way back in 1922." 

motherhood

I've had a rough few weeks here. Just tired, not confident I will ever feel rested ever again in my life, and easily frustrated with a side of weepy. I know in my head it is just a season, but the day to day tuckers me out.

I was sitting next to a mom last week during Toddler Rhyme 'n Time at our library. She has twin boys a bit younger than Ivar. I asked how she pulls it all off and she said, "at some point my husband looked at me and said that no one was going to come and bail us out. We had to figure out ourselves how we were going to pull this off."

Sort of shook me out of it. And I decided to become proactive.

So today I made a list of things that might help me find my motherhood mojo again. Here they are in list form, mostly for my own sake, but maybe for yours too:

1. I will sit down for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Sit. In a kitchen chair. Maybe for five minutes even.  My breakfasts and lunches especially are eaten as snacks, never putting things on a plate, always grabbing more for Ivar, never actually feeding myself. I will dish up our plates and we will sit and eat together.

2. I will stop multitasking. For real. It's inefficient and I never have anything to show for large chunks of my day because I started to sort Ivar's clothes and put his summer shorts away, started to clean the bathroom, began to unload the dishwasher but nothing got done and now the piles I made of Ivar's clothes are all mixed up again, the bathroom looks the same and there are even more dirty dishes on our counter. I will decide on one task. And do it.

3. When Ivar is pining for my attention, I will give it to him. Undivided. I will stop whatever I'm working on and lay on my belly on the carpet and play with whatever he is playing with. I'll play hard. I did this today and he stopped dead in his tracks and watched me, amazed that I could be so fun. And it turned our whole day around.

4. I will drink lots of water throughout the day and take my multivitamin.

5. I will buy another cd player for the upstairs so that we can have music playing upstairs and downstairs. Because music helps me. A lot.

6. I will save my email for night time. Trouble is, I never have any energy then. But I really don't want my kids to remember me as that fun lady who always had her face stuck to a screen. That goes for watching Kathie Lee and Hoda too. Tivo.

7. I will be nicer to myself. More grace for me. And if I have to spend a day regrouping and not performing as an A+ Mama, that is okay too.

And now, it is 9:08 and I am going up to bed. Because an early bedtime tonight is the true key to a happier tomorrow.

photo shoot

 

We have neighbor girls who come over once or twice a week right after school and ask if they can play with my kids. Can you play with my kids? Let's see. It's 4:15, I have no idea what we're going to have for supper, Ivar is cranky, Elsie wants attention and I still need to unload and load the dishwasher. Yes, you can play with my kids!

 



Sometimes they bring their horses. Which is basically like hiring a petting zoo to come and hang out in the front yard for a while. Today they asked politely, "can we dress Elsie up in different outfits for a photo shoot?" And since I basically invented that game, that's what we did. But we only made it through two outfits before Elsie informed us that she was done. Models can be so temperamental.

**Stay tuned for Elsie's first photo shoot from the end of August with her cousin Josie. We got through lots of newborn outfits that day. And now she's in six month clothes!

cow

Pretty sure it was the only good choice for a costume this year.

 

Final call! Until 6 pm!

Folks, she is in my kitchen right now. Melanie, of Hopes Kitchen is in my kitchen! (With some awesome handmade halloween decorations behind her made by yours truly when I was just a wee one.) She's getting some html help from Rory. He's good at that stuff.

Now here's the deal. Remember that Hopes Kitchen is in the running for the top 25 Food Allergy blogs on Circle of Mom's? Well, Ms. Melanie is now NUMBER NINE!!! People! This is awesome!!!

The fun now is to #1 Keep her there and #2 See if she can eek up any further.

So TODAY! Before 6:00 when voting ends, click over on THIS LINK and give Hopes Kitchen another vote. (Even if you've voted already, you can vote once each day!) Time is ticking! GO, MELANIE, GO!!!

oh! nice day!

 

Ivar walked outside yesterday and yelled back at me, "Oh! Nice Day! Nice Day, Mama!"

 

And it was!