an Alden smile for your Monday morning

I told Rory that when I am most exhausted, an Alden smile will move my energy meter from empty to full. Oh to get the feedback you've been earning since day one! (and while carrying that little life inside!) It's hard earned, but so worth it and so good. That smile says, "I like you. I'm glad you're my mom. Thanks for feeding me all the time. And thanks for changing my diapers right away. You might have noticed I don't like a dirty diaper one bit. So thanks for that. And you're good at what you do. I've noticed how much you have going on, and I think you're amazing."

a picture of Elsie's cucumbers

the poor me's

Well today was the day. Alden turned six weeks today and so far I have felt great mentally and physically. But today I had an epic melt down that came to a head at breakfast when I opened the egg carton and saw there were no eggs. It made me cry big, sorry tears for myself. Because, you know, we have a coop just 20 feet from our front door full of morning eggs. But I was sad I had to go and get them. And that they weren't in the carton waiting for me.

Melt downs are so funny after the fact.

In the moment I was trying to get all four kids fed and out the door so we could take Ivar and Elsie to Kid's Club. And I just didn't want to go because Elsie often is shy and needs me nearby and Hattie is a wanderer and doesn't want to stay in one place and Alden would need a diaper change and a feeding and it was a cold and dreary morning. But I couldn't bow out because Ivar worked so hard on his memory verse for the week and he was so excited to find out how they were going to make their Helmet of Salvation to go with the rest of their armor.

So I felt stuck and tired and did I mention that there were no eggs in the carton?!!

And this situation unplugged the cork and Rory got an earfull.  Everything came tumbling out about how I need to order our books for home school so they arrive before we begin the school year. There was much more, but I will spare you.

Lucky for me, I have a husband who listened to the whole sad story, walked 20 feet and returned with eggs and offered to drop Ivar off at Kid's Club so I could stay home with the other three and...eat my eggs.

I ate my breakfast, drank my coffee, took my vitamins, fed the baby, organized my thoughts in a to-do list, started with a few of the items on that list, listened to my favorite worship songs (This is my very favorite lately, and I love this one, and this one) and two hours later the kids and I went to pick up Ivar. We played at the park and I told my sad story to two girl friends and I felt the gift of complete understanding. And then we came home and I ticked a few more things off that to-do list so there isn't quite as much rolling around in my head tonight. Which feels great.

And I made sure there are eggs in the egg carton. Two of them. For me. First thing.

...and crayon on the wall

One day this week I noticed some green crayon scribbled on the wall in our sunny room. Then I saw pencil scribbled on our white window trim. Followed by yellow crayon on our hallway red wall. And then purple crayon on the kitchen cupboards and walls.

I saw all of this at the same time and I was more amazed that I haven't caught ANY of this in the act than I was at my newly embellished walls. Based on the designs, I'd say this graffiti art was done at different times, but definitely the same artist.

Anyway, it made me laugh and realize that clearly there are many things happening in my house of which I am not aware. Again, my bar is so low to keep everyone fed and reasonably happy that other things are definitely slipping through the cracks. Like toddler training on wall art.

the happiest

Tonight we were at Rory's parent's house and I said aloud to my father-in-law that I think this past month has been my happiest as a mother. I feel so content and completely grateful to have this life and the great joy of raising these four amazing kids. I don't know if I've ever been this overwhelmed with happiness with a newborn before.

And I have three reasons why I think that is true:
I've had babies before and have learned a lot along the way. 
This is a funny thing to say aloud, but I am simply improving my mothering game. I think I wrote this before, but I'll say it again...I know what to worry about and what not to worry about. And this should be the case. With all things, you get better with experience and practice. I have had a good deal of both from three other babies, and I'm better at all of it.

Alden is a sweet, calm and easily comforted boy.
This has to be said because it is true. He's just a kick back kid. And so clearly that is a major factor in this happy, blissful season. And I LOVE having a newborn. I love holding him, nursing him, burping him, laying him on my chest, watching him when he lays on my lap. I'm soaking him up, knowing how crazy fast he will grow and savoring him just as he is.

My expectations are right where they should be.
And this is the biggest factor for this happy season. I told Rory that my only goal each day is to keep all four kids fed and safe. If I add anything else onto those two goals I end up either resenting the thing I am trying to accomplish or the kids. So I have completely stripped down my commitments, things to do and personal expectations. I still get other things done but it's more bonus than expectation. I know this time of interrupted sleep is just for a time. I know that this slice of life is just a small slice. Everything will resume and life will have its demands. But as much as I am able, I'm going to reduce those demands and mostly lower my expectations of what I can accomplish in these first months.

And those three factors seem to be the secret sauce for a very happy season of motherhood. Believe me, I still have my moments. I'm generally caffeinated during the day and should go to bed earlier than I do.  But on the whole, we're just living our days as a family of six and it's a good, good life.