ha!

Have you seen this before? I just googled pregnancy pillow, thinking I should maybe invest in a body pillow to support my belly while on my side and this image came up! Hysterical! Now, I know I'm not the most comfortable sleeping lately, and I know this lady looks real comfy, but this picture seems a bit extreme...and it left me with a few questions. Like, where does her husband sleep? And how excited is he about this body pillow? And where do you store this thing between pregnancies?!!

I was just looking for one of those super long pillows I had in college as a bed decoration. Wonder where that thing went...it would be perfect. Until then, I'll be completely fine with my other smaller pillows. I don't know, maybe these things are awesome...I just can't imagine Rory letting this thing come into bed with us...

more preggers surprises

#4) I am surprised at how complicated the months and weeks of my pregnancy are.
I don't get it. I am currently in week 23, but month 6. How does that work out? The math of a four week-month doesn't add up. I know when this baby is expected but I still don't get how weeks and months work.

#5) I was surprised that it took a while for us to get pregnant.
I can't complain...it didn't take us forever. But I was genuinely surprised to read (while we were trying) that the average woman in her 20's trying to get pregnant will usually take a year before she finds two lines on her pee stick. A whole year. And this is the average amount. It is still hard for me to believe this when it seems like plenty of young girls can get pregnant accidentally. And it just doesn't seem right that I know so many friends who are trying desperately for the same result.

When I took the pregnancy tests I couldn't believe how hard I was willing for a second line to show up. I thought of my announcement post during one of these unsuccessful tests, thinking it was so, so crazy how badly I wanted to see two lines show up.

#6) I didn't get weepy emotional.
I keep waiting for this to happen. It still might. But so far, my emotions are less weepy and sad as they are short fused and annoyed. My inability to find my patience at moments makes me think that this is how my irrational emotions have played out. I had just assumed I would cry a lot.

#7) How much Rory would want to be a part of this whole thing.
Rory came up to me just a few days ago and said, "I can't wait for the baby to come. I really want it to come now." And I replied that he could wait and that we would not want the baby to come right now. And he commented, "Well I know that, but it's just not fair that you get to have the baby with you all day long. I just want it out so I can spend that much time with our baby too."

He will stop dead in his tracks if I tell him the baby is moving. He can't get enough.

preggers surprises...

I have been making a running list in my head lately of all the things I just didn't have a clue about before I got pregnant. The list is long. But I was driving back from Old Navy this morning and started to think I should document these. So tonight, I will give you the first three that come to mind, but I plan on adding to the list as I continue to be surprised.

1. Nothing in pregnancy is unique to you.
This is a funny epiphany, especially when everything is so brand new to me. I will actually think that I may be the only one who has experienced symptom x, because it's just so odd. But I'm starting to come to the conclusion that a lot of things during pregnancy are just odd.

For example, I have been having trouble sleeping lately because I wake up when my right hip falls asleep. It basically goes numb, just like a foot or a hand would. But it's my hip. It's so weird...and really uncomfortable. I have to lay on my side now, and as a typical side sleeper anyway I thought this would be no problem. But the second I heard I shouldn't sleep on my back any longer it's like a switch flipped and my body decided that it would much rather sleep on its back. But I can't. So I sleep on my left side with my right hip numb, sometimes burning and annoying enough that I have to get up, walk around, rub it a lot, and then try to sleep some more.

So when I got on babycenter.com in the dead of night to look up if this crazy phenomenon has anything to do with pregnancy, and found 32,000 other women already talking about this symptom of pregnancy, I was very surprised. Numb Hip is not unique to me.

2. The amount of time it took for my belly to show.
I remember being in Minnesota for Easter and I was 10 weeks. And I made comments about how I couldn't tell if my belly bump was a baby or just the burrito I ate the night before. But deep down, I was sure it had to be baby. Now that I'm 22 weeks along and just recently started showing I am pretty sure back then it was just the burrito. I just had no idea it might take so long to show. So each week was sort of a let down. I'd talk to my baby, tell it I was ready for the world to know I had a baby in there and that it could stretch out if it wanted. But baby took its time and I just had to be patient.

3. You really shouldn't buy maternity clothes assuming they will fit when you get bigger.
My best friend, Heidi, tried to tell me this one. She said both of her pregnancies looked so different on her body that she never even grew into some of the clothes she bought. I heard her, but I didn't heed her advice. Instead I went to Target and bought some great tops that I assumed would get me through the summer. But they are still too balloon-like to wear and make me feel frumpy. So today I went to Old Navy and bought some sweet outfits that fit me right now, with probably will fit for another month or two. Or maybe they'll fit me until November. Again, I have no idea how this baby is going to show itself. But I do know I got some fantastic outfits today and that I strongly believe a pregnant woman should have some feel-good outfits in her closet.

I've got more, but I'll save them for another day. Anyone out there remember being surprised by anything specific during pregnancy?

belly boom.

A few months ago my sister and I were talking on the phone and she alerted me to something I should be ready for in pregnancy. She mentioned how I might suddenly have a lot of pain from bla bla bla and that when it happens, I shouldn’t be worried, it’s normal and natural and means that I am just growing and stretching.

So Saturday night, I woke up from a dead sleep, seized with pain just below my growing tummy around my hips. I groaned and tried to find a different position and ended up standing next to our bed with my elbows on the mattress, hunched over and breathing deep.

Rory was very concerned. But because of the gift of having a big sister, I was able to say, “Annika told me about this. I can’t remember what it’s called or why it’s happening but it’s normal. I just hurt.”

Sunday I woke up, sore, but fine. Went to church and then to camp. At camp we stood to sing a song and I felt this same pain, but in a more minor way but still just an unbelievable stretching and pulling that took my breath away. Then later in the day when I got up quick from my chair to get something from the printer it seized my body again.

So I looked it up on thebabycenter.com and figured out that the bla bla bla that Annika had forewarned me about is called Round Ligament Pain. And it basically means my muscles are stretching real fast. It told me that these intense moments happen often after a day of abnormal active activities (my nieces were here on Saturday and we went swimming twice, I swang with them, carried them around a lot and I even got on the seesaw…very abnormal activities!) and happen because your muscles are stretching so fast.

Well holy cats. It is stretching. I had several camp staff come up to me today (Tuesday) and say, “I saw you on Friday and you still didn’t look pregnant. But what just happened? Do you really get that big in just four days?" And I just marvel with them, because it is undeniable. This belly didn’t just pop. It busted itself out into the universe, shouting to all who happen to look my way, "Make no mistake! This woman is preggers!"

I'm mentioning all of this for the sake of any friends reading who don't have a big sister to warn them of such sudden things during pregnancy. And, for the record, that probably was my last seesawing for a while...

introducing baby g

Well, here is our sweet bundle, and I already think this baby is the most beautiful, stunning baby I have ever seen. Rory and I could have sat in that room all day and night watching that screen...I never wanted to leave.

The baby was super active the whole time. The first really clear body part I saw was the spine and it pretty much blew me away. You simply cannot deny that we absolutely are fearfully and wonderfully made.

Rory and I held hands and we gasped at the tiny little feet we were looking at, the perfect handprint that quickly flashed on the screen, and the sweet, baby nose. My very favorite moment was early on when the baby arched its back and stretched its little arms up around its head. I can't wait to see that same motion when we're just hanging out in November, checking each other out, spending lots of time laying low on a blanket on the floor.

I think our technician appreciated Rory and my awe and wonder because she took twelve pictures for us to take home. But then as we walked out she asked that we not look at them in the lobby because most people just get four or five and they might not find it fair. But she explained she just clicked the camera every time we had a huge reaction...which, apparently, was quite often.

Everything came out healthy as far as the doctor could tell. And honest to goodness, I am so grateful for this fact. But I am also very aware that they could have told me all sorts of concerning things today and I know it would not dim my joy or elation for this child. I am beginning to experience the very, very beginnings of unconditional love and how it feels to be the one who extends the love, without condition.

I believe my heart is growing at the same rate as my belly. And it's only going to get bigger.

so good

I am beginning to believe my baby wakes me up so that we can start our day this bowl of goodness. Each day this week I have woken up and felt the baby moving and grooving. I put Rory's hand right below my belly button and our baby gets his/her dad all excited that it might just want to take karate one day. This child has got some kicks.

But I am wondering if it is just telling me that its time to get out of bed and pour myself some multigrain cheerios, slice up some nectarines, drizzle some honey and pour on the ice cold skim milk. I think my baby just likes breakfast as much as I do.

Thank you summertime for the abundance of amazing fruits that are in season right now. And thank you God for this growing child that is now the length of a banana :)

five months

Today we are celebrating 20 weeks of pregnancy! Thursday is our ultrasound and I can't wait. My paper chain only has three rings left and it seems so crazy that time has gone by so quickly. I made that thing before Easter and it wrapped half way around our bedroom and now it's just three loops long...

I am feeling really good lately, which is a huge blessing since I'm running around camp most of the time. More than anything, Rory and I are just completely in love with this little life and I am soaking up the pure excitement, wonder and joy we are sharing as my belly continues to grow. There is a happiness in this expectancy that is like no other. And on Thursday we get our first little glimpse at our baby! I can't wait!!!

a new joy

Rory took me camping last night. He had gone a few days ago to scout out the site and to see what else we might need. Much of the evening was spent sitting in our fabric chairs, reading our books, drinking iced tea and watching the animals in the pond in front of us, and the cows in the pasture just past the pond. It was dreamy.

I went to bed around 9, dog-tired from the last two weeks. Rory came into the tent around 10 and then the storms started. Four different storms came through, shaking the earth beneath us and allowing us to see each other much of the night due to the heavy lightening.

Around six, we were both wide awake, and listening to the rain hit our tent. I felt the baby for the first time. It was a movement coming from the same place. I felt it about five times before I told Rory. Rory put his hand on the baby, and I hoped so badly he would feel it too. I hardly trust myself on these things...

And then the baby started moving again. We felt it over and over. It was undeniable. We lay there, with the rain pouring down, warm and dry in our sweet tent and I felt a new joy and a new tenderness I had yet to experience. With every move the baby made I squeezed Rory's arm and he lay with his eyes closed, smiling with each kick, jab, summersault or whatever it was we were feeling.

the turnip is legit!

We just go back from church and lots of people pointed out my belly! I think it's for real this time. I have fallen for a baby bump many, many times during these first four months, always to watch it disappear by the morning.

But on Wednesday, Rory pointed it out that my bump was a bit more round and distinguished. So I went to look in the mirror. He came in the bathroom with me and said, "suck it in as hard as you can this time." So I did, and much of my tummy didn't go anywhere. Then I let it out and he said, "careful not to shake the baby!"

I am so glad I just got that story written out.

On Friday I asked my boss, Pastor Brad, if he could tell, and he claimed he couldn't...but I think that is just a wise thing to say if you are a guy and a girl asks you if you think her tummy is getting bigger.

But, here's the kicker: when I lay down now, it still bumps up. Even last weekend, it would disappear the moment I lay on my back, but now it's got some height all of its own.

So the turnip is here. Hooray for the baby bump!

my belly

My cousin, Kristin, emailed me yesterday asking when I'd post pics of my growing belly. The truth is, we haven't even taken a picture yet, because there isn't a whole lot to show for these first four months and one week. But I've heard from everyone that this is quite common for a first baby. Annika said people (other than friends and family who already knew) couldn't tell she was pregnant until about six months.

Rory and I can tell though. My body has changed greatly, even though I can still wear all of my normal pants. In most outfits this little bump is covered, so for these pictures, I chose a strategic tank top and sweater top that I thought would highlight my little bump nicely.

My guess is that one of these days I will wake up and it will be much, much bigger. But it's also funny just not knowing how I'll end up carrying this thing. For now, I'm feeling good, healthy, strong and love that my baby is now the size of a turnip (even though I had to google what a turnip looks like...)

a sweet day.

Rory took me out for brunch after church. It was delicious. We enjoyed ourselves and talking about the year ahead and all that it will bring. Rory gave me two cards, one from him and one from the baby. And the one from the baby made me cry for a bit over my bacon and eggs.

The space inside of the flower is supposed to have a picture of your kid inserted. And all we know about our little life, is that at 14 weeks, it is the size of a lemon. So here is our kiddo, pictured for the first time. I can't tell you how much I love knowing that Rory found this lemon picture, resized it and printed it with highest quality on cardstock. Melts my heart.

And the inside of the card was signed by our pick for girl and boy names. (Sorry, we're not sharing our name picks yet. We've still got time to finalize those decisions...)

We came home from our feast and took at two hour nap together. When we woke up we laughed knowing that this is the last mothers day we'll be able to take a two hour nap together.

what a friend we have in Jesus

I just spent the past few days leading a retreat with this title for a great group of adults. We had a nice three days together, and shared many helpful and thoughtful conversations.

The focus of the retreat was on Psalms and Prayer. We learned a lot, and by the end of the retreat, I had them writing their own Psalm, based on the 23rd Psalm. We called them our Personal Psalm 23, taking each stanza and writing new words to correspond to our first line, "The Lord is my ______." We shared these Personal Psalms the last day, and there were lots of tears shed. It's amazing how powerful it is to recite the promises of God for our own individual circumstances.

I wrote one, and thought I'd share it with you.

My Personal Psalms 23:
The Lord is my baby's maker
He is the best creator, the king of all creation, and I have nothing to fear.

He knit me in my mother's womb
and I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
With great care, he is knitting this baby just the same.

He is good to teach me so much during this expectant time
like how the fierce love that I feel towards this child
is the same fierce love he has for me.

Even though I've missed a day or two of taking my prenatal vitamin,
I will not live in fear.
This is your kid. You are the one who started its beating heart.

You have a purpose and a plan for this little life; a future and a hope.
Even though hard days will come, and mistakes will be made,
You promise to be there.

Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life,
and the little life inside of me,
and we will worship and praise your name forever.

***

If you're looking for something new to try during your quiet time, give this a whirl. It's amazing how many promises we have stored in our hearts, and to write them out...applied to the worry or concern you are facing at this very moment is powerful and nurturing.

heartbeat.

Today I woke up and my paper chain had a heart on the next ring. It means we had our heartbeat doctor appointment today. I've been waiting for this day with serious excitement and anticipation and today was finally the day.

I get a daily devotional in my email every morning. Today, the devotional was based on the verse above and it seemed more than perfect. It seemed like a sweet reminder from my loving God, reminding me that the heartbeat we would hear was created SOLELY to worship him. It is for this reason that my own heart is beating. This baby can do anything it wants with its life, but it only has one purpose: to worship God forever.

I've been reading and rereading this verse all day long, thinking about the last part...that worshiping God is for our own good. And not only our own good, but for the good of all of the generations to follow. It dawned on me that I am growing my very first descendant.

We're hopping in the car in a moment to drive to the farm. The farm is really four family farms within 15 minutes of each other, and my grandma is in the middle of them all. This weekend a great number of my relatives are all spending the weekend together and I'm so excited.

My grandma has seven kids of her own, 23 grandchildren, and now with spouses included and great, great, great grandchildren adding to that number, she has over 100 descendants. At last count I think it was 106, but I haven't counted since our last family reunion and babies have been born since then.

This verse grows even bigger when I read it and think of my grandma. She and my grandpa faithfully worshiped the Lord and raised their children with the same purpose. And now, for the good of Grandma, but also for the good of her 106 descendants, she gets to enjoy family weekends with a family that shares one heart and one purpose.

It's inspiring to think about as I try to comprehend the galloping heartbeat Rory and I just heard. It was strong, loud and fast. And created for only one purpose: to worship God forever.

And yes, I cried. Still am, actually.

baby bump

Monday marks week 12 for me, and I am certain lots is happening in there. I am undoubtedly inhabited. Based on my loss of energy, appetite of a teenage boy, sudden hobby of frequent gagging, and the fact that I can put a check mark next to all of the possible symptoms listed in my pregnancy book, I think we're right on track. I am pregnant, and honest to goodness, I love, love, love knowing there is a little life growing inside of me. No matter what the symptoms, I am down right giddy with this joy.

I actually have just one thing I want to say in this post, so I'm going to get right to it.

I wrote about this briefly before, but it is the number one thing I am thinking about with this pregnancy. So here it is: I cannot get over how little I have to do with the creation of this life. On a 5th grade human sexuality level, I understand how this babe was conceived. But, come now, even that makes utterly no sense! The fact that these little itty bitty cells got together and then began to grow into a human being is absolutely beyond my comprehension. It is pure miracle.

I get weekly emails from the baby center and they tell me specific things that are happening inside of me like "this week, your baby is developing a liver" and other important things like that. And I just can't get over how little I have to do with all of this! I eat and I sleep, but at some moment when I was completely unaware, this baby's heart began to beat, its webbed hands spread into fingers, and the earlobes fell into place. And all I've been doing is sleeping and eating...and gagging...

Last night I was at a women's bible study at our church and we were talking about being a mom. I listened mostly, hearing mom's with kids of all ages talk about how hard it is to watch their kids make decisions that have life-lesson consequences. It's in a mom to want to protect their kid from all of these things. In the end, they can guide and direct, but really, at many different points, they have each surrendered their child once again into God's hands.

I listened and thought, that's actually how I feel right now (and my child could not be physically any closer to me!). I feel that sort of surrender and trust that God is shaping and forming this baby, weaving this child in my womb, and that I just get to be a part of its life. Because this whole process has been so hands off...other than good nutrition, I'm not the one forming fingernails on my babe this week.

It's all a wonderous miracle, and I get to be a part of it. It's the greatest privilege I have ever felt. To be entrusted like that. To trust God like that. To know that I have an important role (with Rory, we have the most important earthly role in this baby's life) but that from the very start, this is God's kid.

this week...

***Stick with me for one more day of baby-talk. Then I promise we'll get back to other topics...but wow, it's hard to stop talking about the fun news I've been bottling up for so long! I just made this chain, with a link for each day until our next doctor appointments. The first heart is the heartbeat appointment and the last heart is the ultrasound. I'm so excited already.

This week my baby is the size of a grape. I was eating grapes when I read this in my baby book and it made me wonder why they choose the healthy fruits mom’s are supposed to be consuming to compare to the little life growing inside of us. It's awkward!

This week my tummy is showing a bit, but I am less convinced that it is baby and more convinced that it might just be the quarter pan of tatter tot casserole I consumed last night.

This week I’m feeling a bit nauseous, but cannot complain. Some women are miserable, and I am far from miserable. But nauseous the same. And oh so tired.

This week my baby’s heart is dividing into four chambers. Just imagine that. It blows my mind, and makes me think that these moments of feeling sicky are really okay with me. Clearly my baby is working hard in there.

This week God has been growing greater and bigger for me. I am in awe of his handiwork, knitting this babe in my womb, and how I don’t really have a whole lot to do with it. I just eat well and sleep lots, but truly, the miracle that this little life is forming fingernails right about now really has nothing to do with me. ‘Not by might, not by power, but by my Spirit’ says the Lord.

This week you might hear me say, “I’m sort of hoping for twins, because then I can say, ‘ohhhhh see? That’s why I’ve been eating so much...”

telling our family

First of all, the comments and emails I received yesterday overwhelm me. I swear there were not ten minutes that passed in the day when I did not get an email or message celebrating the life growing inside of me. To know that we get to bring a life into such love is the greatest feeling in the world.

So. We found out our joyous news five weeks ago (I am 9 weeks along) and waited a full 24 hours before we told anyone...it felt like a very, very long time. We were sneaky in telling our folks and siblings...for each person we led them along in a long conversation about other topics before dropping the news on them. I recommend this method. I think we got the greatest reactions ever with this strategy! In the video you will watch us tell the following people in the following order:

Mom Harrington
Dad Harrington
Mom Groves
Dad Groves
Heidi, high school bff
Annika, my sister
Mat, my brother
Sara, rory's sister-in-law
Kyle, rory's brother
Lisa, kyle's wife, rory's sister-in-law



Telling people about our new little life has been far more celebratory than I had ever imagined. To feel other people's joy in response to our joy is one of the most humbling, well loved feelings in the whole wide world. I have a few stories to go with telling my grandma, my uncle carl, and my cousin sarah. All of them left me laughing and grateful for a community that is already excited to love and meet the little life growing inside of me.

And I've got thoughts on pregnancy and patience in waiting to get pregnant and the joy of being pregnant with my sister. But all of those posts will have to wait for another day. For now (tuesday night) I'm off to bed, a favorite hangout lately.

two lines

I'm not sure we've ever been so happy! We're due on November 2nd and ecstatic in every way.

Be sure to stop by tomorrow for a sweet video of us telling our parents and siblings...it's as good as it gets.