the babymoon I can't wait for.

These are the darling flowers my sister-in-law Lisa brought to the hospital after Hattie was born. She's got all my favorites in there...

So we aren't going on a babymoon this time around. We usually take two nights and head to Lake Superior or last time we went to Lanesboro, but we're in a funny season now where leaving this farm is quite the ordeal, it is planting season, getting our kids situated and then us situated sounds sort of overwhelming plus we are still waiting for one little lamb to be born. Hard to leave written instructions for that one!

Honestly, life feels full enough and a while back I sincerely resigned that this is just not the season for getaways. We've brought these little people into the world, and I'm fine staying with them until they're all of an easier age for others (and they'd rather be with us too... and I'm fine with that.)

That said, I have been daydreaming lately of the getaway we have planned right around June 20th. I think about it quite often, actually. And it's because when we were on this getaway last time, my face mostly looked like this:

And my face looked that happy because this place was dreamy. I picked up the phone to order my food for every meal. I could order anything on the menu. And when it came, it looked like this:

This place was also dreamy because we chose to power down from the world while we were there. We never turned on the tv. I never checked my phone. I don't even remember Rory checking his laptop. We had just had a baby, and in a day of constant accessibility it seemed this was a great reason to tell others we were inaccessible.

We basically stayed in our room for two whole days, door closed. We napped (double bed!), we listened to The Burning Edge of Dawn and Floodplain albums on repeat, we soaked in our sweet baby Hattie Joy, we prayed so many tearful prayers of thanksgiving for her life. We welcomed each nurse that came in and offered to change her diaper and measured the time only by when it was time to order my next meal. A job that I felt very able to do, happy to order every single thing that sounded delicious on the menu.

I loved our stay at the hospital so much that I was weepy leaving. It was a holy time for us. And even on Hattie's first birthday I asked Rory if we could go eat at the hospital cafeteria because the food was so good. He politely declined, but even still when I see our little hospital I get all sentimental as if it were a fun resort where we enjoyed a super special weekend.

And now we get to go back! Sure I have to work real hard to be there. And sure that's going to hurt real bad. But after that part, the vacation part begins! The part with perfect crushed ice, magical platters of delicious prepared food. The part with uninterrupted naps, baby gazing, tuning the whole world out and focusing on the things that matter most: my man and my new baby.

I cannot wait.

a very normal mother's day...

This isn't about Mothers Day. This is about a typical day as a mother. Actually, more about the ebb and flow of life as a mother.

Yesterday I woke up with the kids. This isn't a great idea but I'm living large these days and find myself wide awake right around 2:30 in the morning for an hour or two. It makes me not quite ready for the day when it's time to get up. So I rolled out of bed and got Hattie and marched us downstairs where we ate breakfast for an hour. I'm not sure why it takes that long, but there were lots of needs and a counter full of dirty dishes that needed to be loaded into the waiting-to-be-unloaded dishwasher.

The kicker is that the whole time I just wanted to be in the shower. And I kept getting distracted from making my coffee. And I kept thinking about how hungry I was, but getting my eggs made seemed to be the last priority on the list.

The morning sort of just went from there. My kids needed me in every way possible. There were slivers that needed to be removed, spills at breakfast, scraped knees on the driveway. And I just wasn't ready for it. I wasn't ready for them. I still had my list of needs and none of them were getting met. No ones needs were getting met.

Now I want to pause right here and clarify one thing. It is okay to make kids wait. And it is okay to not meet their needs right in that very moment. But in this instance, I knew very well that it was my own lack of preparation for the day that was turning the whole day south. If I had just gotten up an hour before them I could have showered, put my contacts in, made my coffee, eaten my breakfast and read by Bible all before the kids woke up... and the entire trajectory of our day would have been set in a better direction.

At one point I was posting a picture on instagram and the kids ran upstairs to get bubble gum and that which quickly devolved into an Ivar-Elsie yelling spat about gum size that woke a sleeping Hattie. And the anger I felt in that moment was hot and furious. Because then I had a crabby baby all the rest of the day added to an already challenging day. But you know what? The whole gum suggestion was because I wanted some quiet to post a picture on my phone. Again, I have to own that one.

So last night I told Rory about the whole derailed day and we made a plan for me to get up and to be ready for the masses to wake up with their many needs. I took a shower, put my contacts in, got fully ready, drank my coffee, ate my breakfast and read my Bible. And when my kids came trickling downstairs I was able to meet them and help them get their day started right too. Today has been completely different from yesterday. I wanted a do-over and I got it. We're all enjoying this day much, much more.

It was a good lesson for me. Both days are sort of "typical." Some days I'm on my game. Other days I'm not. It is certain that the whole calling of motherhood is a refining calling, ridding a girl of her own selfishness and helping her to learn selflessness. Putting the needs of others above herself day after day is definitely not natural. It goes against everything in my human nature. But it is a high calling and I believe it is fully worthwhile. And it means that I really should just set an alarm and meet my own needs before I meet the needs of the masses.

Motherhood is good. Happy Mother's Day! And happy every other day that you pour yourself out as a mother.

we've got names!

This picture has nothing to do with this post. But the boys did camp out on Saturday night and stayed out the whole night. In our hearts, summer is here!

All throughout this pregnancy Elsie has said to me, "mom, bend your belly like this." And she shows me how to get my head lower to where her head is. Then she tells me, "I'm going to whisper a good name for the baby and you're not going to laugh because I'm not being funny." And then she tells me her latest idea of a name. Usually it is some combination of sounds and utterances that do sort of make a name. Like "Sambata" or "Ralla." Then I have to stand back up again and tell her that I hadn't ever thought of that name, but I do like it. I'll talk to Dad about it.

Baby names is a big topic around here. I told the kids one name that I LOVE for a girl and they both busted out laughing. So we went a different direction.

But this is very odd. When I was pregnant with Ivar, I was walking around Lake Harriet and I remember feeling very settled on four baby names. Rory and I had narrowed our choices down and the four we had chosen were Ivar, Elsie, Harriet and _____. (A boys name.)

I remember recounting them in that order before Ivar was born. And then with each birth I have been quietly surprised that they are coming out in the gender order that I felt were our four names. I try to remember that moment seven years ago, wondering if maybe that was the Holy Spirit speaking to me, filling me in on the gifts I was about to be given. Or if I just coincidentally recited the names as boy, girl, girl, boy. Time will tell!

Of course, this next baby could easily be a girl and we would be thrilled and grateful. A baby is a baby and a life is a life. We welcome this next child of ours with great enthusiasm and anticipation, believing God chose this specific life to join our family.

In terms of naming, this also means that we have our boys name set in stone (and have for seven years!), but have had a very hard time coming up with another girls name. Because we've already used up two we knew we loved. We have spent many car rides telling each other, "okay. we have to get serious about this. what names are we thinking if it is a girl?" And man we have been stumped. It has been really hard this time around. We've had a few contenders but nothing that we felt settled on.

Until a few days ago. And now we've got a beautiful name that I love so much that if this baby is a boy, we may just have to have another so I can use the girl name next. :)

battening down the hatches

I woke up yesterday and could tolerate clutter no more. I'm basically at the stage of nesting where I just want my house empty. This has happened with each pregnancy, but especially with these later babies who have older siblings who help make the clutter mess. And nothing is safe. Throw pillows annoy me. Couch cushions. All things used to build a fort start to bug me because they can be moved. Basically, I want my house glued down in its most pristine state.

Anyway. There is one person in our family who seems to messy up our house more than the others. And not with couch cushions and art supplies, but with silverware, clean dish towels, shoes and boxes of unused band aids. Not to point any fingers, but if we took a family vote for messiest member, Hattie would win the election. Yes, she's darling. But she's also quite destructive.

And we've been so slow on the draw with this one! For six months we've been complaining of the way she undoes the house thinking it was just a phase. But this phase doesn't seem to be passing anytime soon. So this week Rory has been screwing every cabinet and drawer we have with a child-proof latch and Hattie is not pleased. But everyone else is. Low book shelves have been emptied. Any bins without a lid have been placed up high. Our house has become terribly boring and I am strangely pleased. :)

for the love of a good book

The year before Hattie was born, Rory and I took a monthly trip to attend a Christian Writer's Association meeting. It was always interesting and super informative and I left inspired each time. We would drop our kids off at Mimi and Papa's and make the trek, 3 hours in the car for the 2 hour meeting with a stop at Jimmy John's on the way.

While at one of these meetings we purchased a book by the speaker that night and it sat on my shelf until this winter when I finally cracked it. And then I couldn't put it down and finished the whole thing by the next night.

It was a Christian Novel, and admittedly, I had judged a whole lot of books by their cover (seems to be a lot of Amish love stories out there...) and disregarded the whole genre. But I have been sucked in every since. And can I tell you what the Christian Novel is all about?!! It's basically book form of a Hallmark movie where you know the ending will be good, you'll feel resolution and the story line is strangely enjoyable all the while.

It's like mindless television, but good. The content is good and wholesome. And each story is full of redemption. My mother-in-law gave me one at Christmas that I absolutely adored about Robert E. Lee's wife and her favorite slave. It was fascinating, and because it was historical fiction, led me to all sorts of other readings on the Lee family and Arlington.

Anyway, this is my plea for you to give the Christian Novel a try. Or, if you already are reading in this world, let me know which authors and books your recommend!

Here's the bottom line: if you watch a movie or a tv show made in 2017 you are definitely not guaranteed a happy ending. Hollywood loves hopelessness. They love to have us "sit in it" and feel that deep despair without any glimmer that things might get better. I can think of a number of recent movies that just leave you depressed.

And that is fine for the world. Because the world is rather hopeless. But as Christians we have hope eternal. We know the ending of this story we are living and we know the victory is ours through Jesus. That's not cliche because there is a dueling reality that I believe is more true than the sorrow and despair that we see all around. This world is not our home. The story is still playing out, and God's hope is that the ending for each one of us is a happy one. He wants full restoration with us. He wants our broken stories redeemed through his son.

So when I read these Christian Novels they all have the same ring of truth and the same ring of hope that I know to be true. And it's such a better use of my time and life to dwell on things hopeful, than to let the screen shape my worldview and fill it with unending pain and despair. Bleh. We have that all around us in real form. But the Bible writes of a hope greater and that's the story I want to fill my days.

Here's a couple favorite novels (all very different from each other) to pass along:

Mrs. Lee and Mrs. Gray: a Novel. By Dorothy Love. Charlotte Mason is the education model I appreciate the most and one of her biggest points is to let good stories teach your children, not text books. I learned more about the civil war, slavery, and that whole time period from this story (and then later research because I was interested...) Let me know if you have any other favorite historical fiction books you'd recommend. I'm so interested.

Love Comes Softly by Janette Oke (written in 1979, before I was born and a favorite by many I am told. I read this first book in the series the last two nights. I loved it and cannot wait for the next books to arrive at the library for me!)

North Star Brides by Erica Vetch (this was the one that started my christian fiction spurt. Erica is a Minnesota author and was the speaker at the meeting that night. The book is set in Duluth and since I adore the North Shore, it was an easy sell. I loved this book (3 great love stories) and bashfully gave it to my sister telling her not to judge me. But then she loved it too!)

City of Tranquil Light by Bo Caldwell (still a favorite that I wish everyone would read. The author is retelling the story of her missionary grandparents in China. It's historical fiction, but based on their actual life happenings. I still reread the last few chapters every now and again.)