emotions have caught up to logic

All of these files are now empty. I am cleaning out my office this week, and the fact that I am leaving this place is finally starting to hit. Our moving back to Minnnesota makes all the logical sense in the world- we want our kids close to family, our renters are moving out of our house leaving it vacant with a mortgage to be paid each month, I would have been changing my working hours anyway because of this baby and Rory is eager to get his company back to Minneapolis.

But all of those known reasons still don't make it any easier to walk away from a job that was giving me so many opportunities to do all of the things I love: write Bible studies and devotionals, plan senior retreats, speak in front of all sorts of groups about the importance of passing on the faith to the next generation, invest in and learn from a hopeful group of college students, organize crafting nights and to get to be a part of God's kingdom work here in Nebraska.

One week from today is my last day at Carol Joy Holling and two weeks from today I will be waking up on Girard Avenue in Minneapolis. That's a whole lot to process at the moment.

baby nursery

Rory and I are starting to think through what we want the nursery to look like. This was the wall hanging in my nursery growing up...and I think it was still on my wall well into elementary school. I used to stare at this picture forever, drifting off to sleep or just as I was waking up. There was always something to look at, wonder about and my imagination made up all sorts of stories to go with the different scenes.

my pictures are bigger!

Special thanks to my techy husband. And to our photogenic cat, Toonces.

honesty, honestly.

This past winter I came into work, must have been in a pretty good mood and was standing with coworkers when one of them remarked of my happy state, "well look who's pissing sunshine today." A few weeks later I found out that other coworkers had secretly nicknamed me Sparkles and Hearts and referred to me with this name behind my back while they worked at the desks next to me.

I know I'm a happy girl. I am naturally optimistic, and naturally glass-half-full. This rubs some people the wrong way but it's hard to change your hard wired personality. And though these remarks still sting, I would never change on account of these opinions. I know on this blog, topics and entries probably come across with this same sort of life-is-bliss undertone, and the truth is, I largely feel this way. And I choose to blog this way.


***

My sister called me last week, feeling defeated by a facebook status update she had read. It was one of those that left you feeling left out, lesser than, comparing your life to the words someone else has written about their own life, leaving you with a bit of a jealous heart. I know we've all been there.

One of her girls needed her, so we hung up, but the next day I wrote her an email telling her that if anyone were looking at her life from the outside, based on her blog and status updates, they easily could be feeling the same way, comparing their life to her happy marriage, darling girls all set amongst mountains and teal lakes. We later talked about what a disservice we do to one another in posting only the happiest pictures, writing about the happiest of moments, and failing to document the in between, less glamorous, real life that happens every single day.

I love my sister, because she's a take charge kind of gal, gets things done and follows through. So I guess I wasn't too surprised when the very next morning she had posted this blog entry, filling in the places that aren't mentioned so much in happy blogland. And then her sister-in-law wrote a post inspired by Annika's honesty. Both blogs feel real and I think you might enjoy taking a moment to read each one.

7 months and one week

I didn't take a picture last Monday so this is a week off of my seven month picture, but here I am in all my growing glory. The shirt I'm wearing used to be my favorite maternity shirt, but after reviewing this picture I am now aware that my belly has shortened it by many inches and it may need to be retired.

I'm still feeling good. My ankles are enormous which at the moment is more amusing than annoying. Honestly, by the end of the day it is as if someone has poked a straw into my feet and inflated them just to the point of popping. Then I go to bed, and they slowly deflate so that in the morning I have normal feet, but by the next night I wonder if my feet might just fly away. And I have had a really gross cough for over three weeks now. Coughed so hard I bruised a rib or pulled a muscle or something horribly painful. But that's getting better now. Most importantly, my energy is still up and I continue to live in awe of the love we have for this little life inside of me.

My favorite memory from this month was from Mt. Carmel. Rory was holding my belly and the baby extended a foot or something for super prolonged periods of time. This was different from the quick, hard kicks I have been getting lots of lately. This was slow motion and we felt so close to our baby in these moments of contact. We were sitting on the deck at Mount Carmel and I guess I just hope that I never forget the magic we felt, feeling so connected to our little baby; feeling so much like a little family.