Alden is One today! To celebrate his big day, I decided to finish writing out his birth story. I had it half way done, and last night I completed it. These are always such a joy to write and reflect on. There is nothing like laboring and delivering and getting to meet the living soul that God has knit in your womb. Fearfully and Wonderfully Made. Here is Alden's Welcome to the World Story:
Alden. The word that comes to mind when I think about your arrival is Peaceful.
I suppose your birth story began on the days leading up to your arrival. You were cozy in my womb and didn't seem to feel any hurry to come out. So we waited through your due date and to be completely truthful, felt absolute peace about whenever you wanted to come. I was in high spirits. Our family took a lot of day trips together and it was a really precious and slow time in my memory. We walked around Carleton College one morning, walked around the Farmer's Market. We took care of lots of house projects. And I spent an hour or two up in the barn just with you each afternoon, as I had all summer. I have some special, peaceful memories of being up there praying and singing with you tucked inside.
It was a week past your due date that we went back for our scheduled doctors appointment. Everything still checked out fine, but clearly you were very comfortable. And given your sister Harriet's late arrival, the doctor gave me the paperwork to be induced the next evening.
For seven days past your due date I had been in such a peaceful place. But then I saw the paper with my full name and the plan for pitocin. I think I had been so sure that you would come naturally (my forth baby!) and I felt so, so disappointed that once again, I'd have to be induced.
On our way out of the doctor's office I went to the bathroom and started to cry. And cried quietly the whole way home. I couldn't even articulate why I was so sad yet. I didn't understand how badly I had wanted to go into labor naturally. Ivar and Elsie started naturally (though later required pitocin) and I think after Hattie I just really wanted to do this with my body taking the lead.
When we got home I walked up to the barn alone and cried some more. I walked up the stairs that I had walked up and down seven times the night before. I looked at all of the scripture I had written on the walls. And I just felt sad.
I wish I could say I did something super meaningful in that moment, but instead I got on my phone and started scrolling facebook. And while scrolling I got a text from my friend Jenna, "can we bring you kale, sausage and lentil soup for dinner?" I replied an immediate yes and then I cried some more, so grateful. That text sort of helped me figure out the next step. We would have dinner. And then bedtime. And then we'd get up. And the next night we'd go in and start things up so we could meet you.
So I calmed down, went in the house and later we ate a hearty meal. It was late that night that I remembered Jenna had put the dessert in the freezer telling me I may want to save them for after the kids went to bed. So I went to the freezer and found this box. I gasped because I had never seen this brand before and because we knew we were going to name you Alden if you were a boy. Joy overwhelmed me. I still didn't know if you were a girl or a boy, but somehow this little sweet moment reminded me that there was an actual person about to arrive. I didn't need to be sad. I needed to get excited, no matter how it was going to get started.
***
But to my great surprise, contractions began over night. The next morning your Mimi and Papa Marlene and Madison came to pick your brother and sisters up. And your dad and I hit the house like never before. I was moving bins of clothing, cleaned the kid's room, caught up on laundry, vacuumed the house. Then we went to Menards, CarTime, the dry cleaners (and dropped off our comforter that we forgot to pick up for 5 weeks!), and then to McDonalds drive through. Your dad asked what we should eat and I said, "something that I'll probably never want to eat again.") We went to a park for a picnic and it was a glorious day. Then we walked all over Carleton's campus and found a Hawaiian shaved ice food truck giving free snow cones to prospective students. And even though we were twice everyone's age and walking through contractions, they let us pass as future Carl's.
We went home and walked the gravel road, walked to the pavement to get a picture of the barn. Walked home and hoped things would intensify. They were strong enough that we decided not to go to the hospital to get things started. Instead we kept letting my body do it's thing.
Your dad and I ate cooked kale and snap peas for a late night snack. I definitely regretted that later when things intensified at the hospital... We watched Nepolean Dynomite and then went to bed for like 30 minutes. And then my water broke. I was concerned things would go very quickly now, and since we just had a cousin deliver a baby in the car on her way to the hospital, I felt like we should get going.
In retrospect, we probably should have called the hospital and they would have told us to wait a while longer. But instead we called from the car and the very kind nurse said to keep coming. When we got on the maternity floor it was nearly empty. I think one other room had a mom and baby in it. But every room was vacant. This was amazing because two nights earlier my doctor had said every room had been filled.
They checked me out and I think she knew right away we were a long ways off. I walked the halls and the contractions hurt so badly. I remember thinking, "I remember this. Labor pain is really awful." We walked the halls another time and then your Dad said he needed to lay down. He was feeling woozy. I wanted to lay down too. We slept until morning. Contraction stopped. In the morning our doctor came and started the pitocin. A while later I got an epidural. And at noon our doctor came back. Rory and I were both reading good books. The room was quiet and as she checked me she looked up with wide eyes, "Do you feel like you need to push?!!" "I don't feel much of anything, really." "Ok. You need to push. We are having this baby very soon."
So I put my book down.
Alden, I am writing this one year later and this moment is making me laugh so hard because this is still your disposition.
I don't be mean to bother you, but could I get a diaper change over here? I wouldn't want to impose, but I'm ready to go down for my nap now. I don't want to interrupt your quiet book time, but I believe I am ready to be born.
So I started pushing and I think it went quite quickly. You came out and they lay you on my chest and said you were a boy! A boy! A boy! I was so surprised! And completely overjoyed. I could not believe I had two sons. Alden Ananias. I had chosen your middle name. Heard the story of Ananias at church a few months earlier and loved that Ananias was so brave and obedient, able to hear God's voice and to follow his instruction to go find Saul on Straight Street, the worst persecutor of Christians. Ananias was so courageous! He went to Saul and told him that Jesus was the true God. And Saul had a radical conversion and went on to be the very awesome Paul who spent his every waking moment telling of the transformative power of Jesus Christ! I love that Ananias was so faithful and could hear God's voice. That's my prayer for you, too.
So you were here. And I will tell you that I felt great! After having you I was walking around like normal. I have no idea how that is even possible, but I felt so good and strong. Right away! With your brother Ivar I had to have help getting my legs up into the bed for like a week after having him. But here I was, feeling great, wolfing down my french toast, sausage, yogurt and fruit cup with great joy.
You latched on right away and ate for a bit. But the next day you took a lot of time off to sleep. I had a nurse that was very concerned that you hadn't nursed on schedule. But I wasn't worried a bit. I knew you'd eat when you were hungry. And I was right. I started to feel a little empowered as a mother during my hospital stay. I began to realize that I knew quite a lot, mostly that I didn't need to worry about too much. I could be calm and confident. I had done this before. I felt steady.
We just got to stay one night because we came in the night before. That was a bummer because I wanted to rest and sleep at the hospital another night before going home. You were the first baby that we let the nurses take while we slept. That was a huge change, but we felt so comfortable because there were four nurses and you were one of two babies on the floor. We knew you'd be well cared for. and you were right across the hall. That was a sign of a very awesome maternity ward and two exhausted parents.
And then we came home. We came home to a farm fully in motion with so many things to do. But you have always been so up for anything...happy to be here...glad to be along for the ride. You are my calm and content and wonderful baby. And here we are now, one year later, and you continue to be exactly those things. Alden, you are a Pure Gift. Those were the words I heard while pregnant with you, and that is what you continue to be for me. I am so glad you are mine.
