the pre-party panic attack

Thursday night we had our neighborhood over for a potluck. I love my neighbors, knew everyone coming and told myself all week long that I didn't need to fret over this gathering. It was casual, everyone was bringing something, I know these people, it would go fine. My folks came over the day before and helped get the yard ready and spiff up the place. They did so much! They weed whipped every tree and raised bed and around every building. They cut down dead branches and trimmed trees, planted and transplanted, pruned the raspberries and weeded the garden a bit. Mom even folded my laundry. It was incredible.

I woke up on Thursday morning certain that I could accomplish what needed to get done without stressing about the party. I went grocery shopping right away, put the pork in the crock pots, took the kids to get haircuts and fed everyone lunch. During quiet play time I swept and mopped my kitchen and cleaned off the counters (hooray!) and cleaned the bathroom and garage a bit. 

And then it was 3:00 and I saw that the big crock pot was actually set for Warm and not on 4 hour cook (ahh!) and I still had the following on my list: buy ice, set up tables and chairs, gather dishes and place settings, make lemonade and ice tea, shred the pork, make the salad, and shower and look presentable. And that was when the panic set in. I had two hours until everyone was to arrive at 5, and two kids who seemed to be just as needy as their mama. 

The irony of the whole day was that it was supposed to be a quiet day. The barn is completed and the builders had packed up the day before. But the inspector showed up first thing in the morning, found three things he wanted reinforced, so the builders came back by 10 and stayed all day to make the changes. And the water guy showed up and started digging the trench and tearing out trees to make way for the water line from the well house to the barn. And at one point our neighbor came by to chop the hay in our field (but was unable to get to the field because of the six foot trench running through our yard.

So much for spiffing up the place! Trees were falling and dirt was everywhere!

At 3:00 I didn't cry. I didn't yell. But on the inside I was freaking out. And I proceeded to freak out towards my husband anytime he showed his face. Which became less and less and the party drew near and I was getting more and more panicked. Funny how that works.

So it makes a girl wonder. Can a person host a large group gathering without having the pre-party panic attack? My guess is that it is probably possible. I bet I might even host a gathering at some point where everything goes smoothly and no water guys are ripping my land apart and I prepare with grace and a smile. But I decided last night that having people over is the goal. The goal is to build community. And if it is stressful, it is still worthwhile. The worst thing would be to throw in the towel and say, "we don't entertain." Because the party was awesome and I love our neighbors and it was worth every minute of work and panic to have everyone here.

It also made me think that when a man marries a woman he should know what he is signing up for. A fitting vow would be, "I promise to take you, Becca, even when you're a hot mess before company is coming over. I promise to act as a landing pad, no matter how unwarranted, for all of your anxiety, perfectionism and social stress that comes along with party planning. And I promise to forgive you of all of your pre-party intensity once the party is over and we both recognize it was a worthwhile success of a gathering."

And it was a worthwhile success of a gathering. We ate well, gave barn tours and got all caught up with the friends we wave to each day as they drive by. More pictures to come.