self actualization/ it's okay not to be all things

                                                                               image source

I get a weekly newsletter from Ali Edwards, the guru of all things scrapbooking. The newsletter is on Creativity and I love it. I save it for a quiet moment to read it entirely, to soak it all in.

Recently someone wrote a comment to her about the freedom she has found in realizing who she is and who she simply isn’t. She used the illustration of fashion.  This reader wrote of how she can admire fashion blogs, see a nice outfit on another person, but when it comes to her own wardrobe she neither enjoys the process of shopping or the daily task of picking out an outfit to wear for the day.

I read this comment and for some reason I felt ten times lighter. I might have even said an Amen. Her illustration fit me nicely. I, too, am not a lover of clothes or accessories. And that’s okay. I greatly appreciate a put together outfit on another. I can see it on others. And I love that others love clothes. I just happen to love sorting a junk drawer. We’re all quirky.

I am starting to realize the same may go for me and cooking. I loved Nancy's comment on Wednesday in her desire to write an "I hate to cookbook." Ha! For me, I love the idea of loving to cook. I adore cooking shows. I love the thought of preparing daily meals with happiness in my heart and pride in my culinary cuisine. But the real truth of the matter is that I don’t really love it. I can handle it, but my heart doesn’t skip a beat with excitement to get a meal on the table.

When I was a freshman in college my friend Heidi and I did a devotional by Donna Partow. I think it might have been geared at 50 year old women, but we loved it and used to make fun of Donna’s illustration in the book that making a casserole to bring a friend in need might not be your thing. Your thing might be in words of affirmation or offering to babysit. I think her point was that you don’t have to be all things to all people all the time. Heidi and I have made fun of this illustration by telling each other many times, “well, don't expect me to bring you a casserole, okay? It’s just not my gift.”

And guess what? It’s really not my gift!

But I’m starting to realize this is all okay. I have gifts in other areas. I don’t need to shine in the kitchen. Or in my ability to put a great outfit together. I just need to look presentable and fill the bellies of my family with something wholesome to eat.

It's good to recognize this I think. Better than fighting it the rest of my days. I'll just keep buying cardigans from Target and get fired up for crock pot week!

oh Patina.

98% of the time I feel like there is not one more thing I could ever need in this world. My needs are met. I have a lovely home, a sweet family, food in the fridge, good friends, loving neighbors...all the best things. There is not one more thing I could ever need.

And then Ivar and I walk into a store like Patina. And it turns out, there are like five hundred and thirty seven things that I still need. Like a journal for lists, the kelly rae couch, paper globes that make me so happy and a special book just for funny things my kids will say.

This store makes the line between "needs" and "wants" very, very hazy.

First Quarter Report Card for 'Kitchen Table'

Well, three months of 2012 are about to have passed us by. What on earth. I do not understand how time works, but it seems very fast lately.

I wanted to give a quick quarterly update on how my meal planning, table setting, home making and general attitude about suppertime have improved (or not improved). So here is my report card for Quarter One.

Name: Rebecca Ann Groves

Class Subject: One Little Word for the Year: Kitchen Table

Meal Planning Letter Grade: C+

Rebecca began strong in January and showed serious promise. All in the family noticed and wondered what switch had flipped. Comments were made by her husband like, “I love this. For real, why did it take 6 years to figure out meal planning and prep. You are making it look easy.” Unfortunately the train was derailed by the end of the month. Pregnancy sickness would be the biggest excuse, lots of traveling and lack of routine from week to week also took a toll.

Table Setting: B+

Rebecca has done a very nice job of providing some edible substance at the table each night. It might not be fancy, but this family breaks bread together. Or should I say, cuts frozen pizza together. And really enjoys a good waffle.

Home Making: B

Rebecca owes a lot to her husband Rory for keeping the dishes and laundry in circulation. She seems to run out of steam easily. However, Ivar is always superbly cared for and there is a lot of love and laughter in this home. She also got her Birthday thank you notes out in just one weeks time and is pretty good about keeping the house tidy and organized.

General Attitude about Suppertime: D-

Rebecca seems to resent Supper Time again. It seems to sneak up on her as if she is surprised that she is supposed to have a game plan by 5:15.

Action Steps for Rebecca:

Well here comes the good news! Rebecca found a crock pot cookbook she was about to give away. She started thumbing through the pages and it dawned on her. All of her best hours lately are before lunch. By 4:00 she’s sort of spent and supper feels overwhelming. So what if she made her meals after breakfast? What if she called the first week of April: CROCK POT WEEK!

Well, that’s the plan. And Rebecca is excited to see how this new plan of attack works. The idea of getting supper-in-motion during her son's morning nap seems to absolutely delight her. I think this might work.

End of Report Card.

We have to wait for Crock Pot week to begin on Monday because our grocery budget is depleted this month and I need to get creative with the food already in the house before I go out and buy my chuck roast, chicken and turkey chili ingredients.

But this is the new plan, for now. I am beginning Quarter Two with wind back in my Kitchen Table sails!

bonnets and mary janes

My sister and I spent some time on Saturday going through all of her 0-12 month girl clothes. She's ready to pass them along and just-in-case this baby is a girl, I am the new lucky owner of two huge bins of adorable bonnets, mary janes, tights, skirts, matching sweater and hat sets and all things sweet and wonderful and pink.

I came home and said to Rory, "Just a heads up. We'll be popping out babies like the Duggers until I have a girl I can put ruffle-butt tights on."

And he replied, "Just a heads up. You had then better figure out how to fund such a family through a TLC reality tv show."

school projects

When I was in 5th grade, we were assigned to make a model of something in Washington DC. I brought this assignment home and my mom got all excited, "a cherry blossom tree!" she said. "Washington DC is known for its cherry blossom trees. You should make one of those."

So, with her help, we popped popcorn, spray painted it pink out in the garage, hot glued it to a tree branch, and stuck the branch in a coffee can filled with rocks.

When I walked in to my classroom the next day, there were lots and lots of Washington Monuments. There was a clay Lincoln Memorial and one out of play dough. There was a Lego White House and another made out of cardboard and glue. There was a replica of The Mall and the Vietnam Memorial.

But there was only one Cherry Blossom Tree. Because only one girl had a mom as clever as Margaret Harrington.

I know we have a picture of this somewhere. I may have to spend my weekend digging through family photo albums to find it. Until then, I hope you are enjoying the real thing this spring. The tree pictured above is our neighbor's across the street. I think it's a magnolia and everytime I look out the window I think of the popcorn we glued to that tree branch.

my aunt jan

Do you remember when you first learned to wrap a hotdog? Oh you don’t? That’s funny. I totally do.

My mom taught me how to unfold a napkin, start the hotdog at one corner, roll the hotdog all the way to the opposite corner and then fold in the sides in order to fit it into the microwave. You know why I remember this so vividly? Because my mom was so proud of me and told me that I should be sure to show Aunt Jan that night when we were at her house for dinner. So in the midst of dinner preparation, I got out a napkin, a fat highlighter (playing the part of the hotdog) and told Aunt Jan the big news, while demonstrating my skills with the highlighter marker.

My Aunt Jan was very impressed.

This was pretty typical growing up. If something big happened in my life, big, like learning how to wrap a hotdog for the microwave, mom had me call Aunt Jan to tell her the news. I called often. If I moved up a chair in band, if I did well on a spelling test, if I had a funny story from my day…I was always told to “go call Aunt Jan.”

Aunt Jan is in her final stages of cancer. Ivar and I spent the morning with her admiring the art from her grandkids on her walls, throwing a ball up on the bed over and over, writing our conversation on notebooks back and forth. About two years ago Aunt Jan was diagnosed with cancer of the tongue and since then it has made its way into her esophagus, throat, lymph nodes and now everywhere it can. It’s mean. Cancer is so mean.

There is a real cruelty that my Aunt who bakes the best banana bars with cream cheese frosting can’t eat anything now. The woman who spent her career speaking up for the voiceless doesn’t have a voice.

But she wrote today of how these past weeks have been filled with all of the most important things: her husband, her sons, her grandkids, her sisters, her nieces and her very best friends. She has been working hard on writing life stories, and with the help of her sons and Uncle Don, she is going through all of the family slides and photographs. Her bedroom walls are covered with bright artwork from her grandkids and her window looks out over Lake Minnetonka. She wrote that the TV is never on, and her life is full of the very most important things. It made me aware of how much “filler” we pack into our days. Aunt Jan’s days are stripped down right now to the very most meaningful people and tasks. The things that actually matter.

Hardest is watching the people around her who love her so much. My mom is at her house as often as she can. I can’t fathom losing a sister. To share an entire lifetime of memories. Thousands of anecdotal stories could be written here, the little things that make sisters sisters. You can't really sum up those stories though.

My uncle Don works so hard to make sure the love of his life is comfortable. That breaks my heart too. He has been steadfast in his caregiving, faithfully serving his wife in every way imaginable, walking this road that neither one of them chose to travel.

I had a really nice visit. I left feeling glad that I have a sweet boy who can bring joy into a room. Glad that my mom is sharing so much precious time with her sister. And pretty overwhelmed by the whole thing. Sometimes mortality has a way of hitting me over the head. But I’m still having a hard time believing this is all actually playing out. It’s hard to wrap my head around it all. Hard to go there.

maple syrup at murphy's landing

We spent Saturday at Murphy's Landing for their Maple Syrup demonstrations. We loved it. We got to tromp around the woods, tap a tree and see the whole process from start to finish. Below you can see them 1. hand drilling the hole 2. pounding in the tap 3. collecting the sap 4. boiling it down in the evaporator.

Did you know it takes 40 gallons of sap from a high-producing sugar maple to make one gallon of syrup? Some trees don't have as high of a sugar content in the sap and it may take 80 gallons of sap from those trees to produce just one gallon of syrup! Suddenly the fact that pure maple syrup costs so much made a lot more sense.

They had live music and storytellers to tell of how they tapped trees in the past. They showed how they boiled the sap in large kettles over a hot fire during pioneer times. And most interesting was how Native Americans boiled their sap to make sugar. Without metal pots or pans, they hollowed out a tree into a trough...kind of like a canoe and put the sap in there, and carried hot stones from the fire and put those into the sap to evaporate the water. I was so impressed by this process to make maple sugar!

 

Ivar got to taste some maple syrup and found it very delicious.

We had this event on our calendar for months and all of the promo materials had everyone bundled in their boots and mittens, but we were in tshirts and flip flops. The early warm weather was great for us but has been terrible for maple syrup production in Wisconsin and Minnesota this year. The local news just aired this story on Friday night about the Maple farms that are calling this season a bust.

my 31st birthday

A few weeks ago Rory asked me what I wanted to do for my birthday. I told him my dream is to have a picnic at Lake Harriet but since I am a March baby I recognize a picnic may never be in the cards. Then I got all excited about having a July baby. That baby is destined to have picnic parties as long as I am the event coordinator.

But then Wednesday rolled around, and the five day forecast looked very, very promising. And so a picnic party was planned.

I got to Lake Harriet over an hour before everyone to ensure I got the best picnic tables, and as it turns out, I was the only one in the twin cities who had planned a lake harriet picnic yesterday. So we got those awesome tables, the ones I look at all summer long filled with families and food and footballs and frisbees and franks. (And other things that don't begin with the letter f.)

It was perfect. And so windy. Crazy windy. Both families were there, my mom made my chocolate bunny cake, we had lots of pregnancy craving foods of mine like deviled eggs, store-bought potato salad and ruffles with french onion dip, and the lake literally opened up during the course of my party.

I would love for this to be a tradition. My father-in-law Madison said he'd be there next year, snow or rain. So look for us. It might just be the two of us huddled on that hill next March 18th, but my hope is to have another picnic party for my 32nd.

Two things to note from the pictures: The one of my sister Annika and Rory with Ivar walking was a super funny moment as Svea, Ivar's big cousin by 6 weeks was trying to help him walk by pushing him from behind. You can barely see her. Second thing: Look at that second to last picture. I have always thought Annika and I look very different for sisters, but something  is happening as we get older. I can't get over how alike we look!

remember this list?

This picture is from my 30th birthday. A lovely, lovely day full of Shannon-made details.

So apparently last year I made a list of 30 things to accomplish in my 30th year.  I hardly remember doing so. But since I turn 31 on Sunday, it seemed time to check off the items accomplished. The funny thing about this list is that I wrote it in haste. I was just trying-to-get-a-blog-post-out-fast. So some are inspired, and some feel like filler. Even a year later I can sniff out the filler. Here's the update:

1. New hair color and style  (a couple times. done and done)

2. Host a Favorite Things party (nope. didn't do it. still would LOVE to though.)

3. Join the Y (joined and dropped our membership six months later... I loved the classes though)

4. Learn how to use the manual mode on our camera (ugh. no. I want to be able to take amazing pictures so badly. This might be the year for a class or workshop...)

5. Make a small quilt (nope.)

6. Keep a prayer journal (I did for a while)

7. Use my water colors (I did!!!)

8. Join a creative arts club (I still want to!!!)

9. Create a place where Bible can stay out all the time (sort of. it's on a book shelf...not open though.)

10. Make modge podge art scenes (done.)

11. Collect frames for wall collages (I have so many it's ridiculous.)

12. Print pics, fill frames and hang on the wall (I cannot believe this has been on my mind for a year now. Must accomplish this asap.)

13. Paint the bedroom (done!)

14. Make this kind of bread (I did! And it was decent. I need a second go around)

15. Pick color scheme for wardrobe overhaul (back in maternity. if it fits, I wear)

16. Finish and print 2010 digi scrapbook pages (yup.)

17. Make lemon ice and eat it with my sister (no! tragedy!)

18. Get a consistent plan together for visiting Mount Olivet Home (nope)

19. Honor the Sabbath (pretty good)

20. Eat more veggies (yes. I love snow peas. All the time.)

21. Write and mail letters by hand (lots and lots of thank you notes. does that count?)

22. Introduce Ivar to Lake Superior (Yes. a definite highlight of my 30th year of life.)

23. Make cupcakes with large decorating tip (hmmm...don't think so.)

24. Try a few new soup recipes (Yes. LOTS!)

25. Find a monthly mom's group (even better...weekly. adore it.)

26. Keep writing (good job, Becca!)

27. Make a picture slide show for Grandma's party (not quite. but I posted so much on this blog...)

28. Present my 'Passing on the Faith' workshop (a variation. felt good.)

29. Frequent the library (all the time. it's our favorite place to walk to)

30. Grow fresh herbs (in the garden. can't wait for fresh basil in the garden again...)
 
Reflection: Not too bad. A few stand out that I still really want to accomplish: a favorite things party, lemon ice, printing pictures and putting frames on the walls, photography class. But not too bad all in all. Good job, 30 year old Becca. And way to eat more veggies. (filler!)

springtime

I have had people ask, "Why do you live in Minnesota? How do you handle the winters?" And the truth is, often in the middle of winter we will ask ourselves these very questions.

But the weather this week is the reason we live in Minnesota. Spring got a jump start and the celebration, joy and jubilee around here is something to behold. We had a subway picnic last night at a still ice-covered Lake Harriet wearing shorts and tshirts and the entire city was out there with us, running the lake, walking, celebrating the warm sun.

Rory was out working in his garden on Tuesday with Ivar and came in after having talked to two our our neighbors about their plans for their yards. One was grilling steaks as they talked. Rory commented that it felt like winter had never happened. They all picked up where they had left off in the fall, ready to plant trees, plant gardens and be outside.

With the early warm weather in Minnesota, we are also keenly aware that we could still get another snowfall before this season is past. We all know this, and it's why everyone is so intent to sieze the day.

joy boy



Ivar discovered the buttons on the air purifier and then found the fan on the side. He does this daily...whips his head around in the breeze, letting his whisps of hair blow in the wind. He brings us so much laughter and happiness and joy.

best buddies

Rory works downstairs each day and there are many lunch breaks when he comes up and tells me how hard it is to stay down there when he hears us having so much fun upstairs. His office is right under the livingroom, so when we play chase and laugh and repeat words and are loud together, Rory can hear it. It's hard to hear the party, but still have to be the provider.

Today we switched roles. I have a sinus and ear infection and spent the whole day in bed. Rory worked upstairs with Ivar playing at his feet and then Ivar went down for his nap. At lunch Rory said he had completed everything he had to accomplish for the day so he was going to take Ivar for a walk to the library to return his books. They got all bundled and left with big smiles. And then they came home an hour later with bigger smiles. Rory said, "hey, I just am grabbing my phone. We're going to Target together!" And Ivar clapped and smiled and they two adventurers walked back out the door.

Ivar was tapping his dad's shoulder as they walked out to the garage. And even though I had a dreamy, quiet house and a warm bed to nap in, I couldn't help but feel left behind. These two boys have so much fun together. It warms my heart

Nebraska Friends!

So this is super fun and I just want to get the word out! Sara Groves and her band are coming to Elkhorn! Which is crazy! Because that's just down the road from where we lived in Gretna!

So mark your calendars and get your tickets!
It's this Friday night, MARCH 16, 2012

Elkhorn, NE
Bethany Lutheran Church
7:00pm (Doors 6 PM)
402-289-4440

www.bethanyelkhorn.org/saragroves

jayber crow

My sister-in-law, Sara, has been telling me about a book by Wendell Berry that she really wants me to read. She's been telling me about it since I worked with them, in 2003. It has been socially awkward at times to explain yet again that I haven't read it. Years of, "Becca, you have to read Jayber Crow!" can get a little uncomfortable when you can't really have an excuse that covers that amount of time. You can't say it's just been a real busy 9 years.

So I got the book. And from page one I have been sucked in. I adore the storytelling. I love the character. I love the pace, the lack of suspense, the sweetness of the tale.

Rory read it before me and had a lot of trouble getting into it, waiting for the plot to develop. And I had a cousin come over who said she couldn't get through it because the story just never started for her.

And it made me so curious about our different likes and dislikes in a good book. Because I was sold three sentences in. I remember thinking that actually. I loved the writing. I loved the tone. I loved the voice of the story.

All I want in a book is a good life story. I don't need drama. I don't need unknowns or a mystery to solve. I just like an honest, likable protagonist and will follow them anywhere if I like them that much.

It was interesting to note this about my style of reading material. I don't think I would have known to make this distinction before but it's true. Of my favorite books, I tend to fall for a sweet story, a noble life and a tight, endearing community surrounding that main character.

And you? What kind of book draws you in?

the gender of our baby-to-be

When the ultrasound technician came and got us from the lobby she asked, “and do you want to know the gender of the baby today?” And I replied a very honest, “Well, I want to know the gender. But we’re not going to find out. We’re going to wait and be surprised.”

This had been the plan since the very beginning. Ivar was a most joyous surprise and there isn’t really any reason why we have to know this news 20 weeks ahead of time. I guess we’re just old fashioned.

However. Waiting to find out with Ivar was way easier. This pregnancy I have been curious from day one. While holding my head over the toilet day after day, I had become quite certain there must be a little girl in there. This pregnancy has been so different from my pregnancy that brought a baby boy. But since then I have heard unending stories of mom’s who say they were positive they were having one gender and then had the other. Which means surely I’m having a boy.

And this has put be back at square one: turns out, I don’t have a clue if I’ve got a little girl in there, or a brother for Ivar.

But an amazing thing happened at the ultrasound. She squirted the warm jelly all over my tummy, and a baby showed up on the screen. And then she turned the camera to 3D (or is it 4D? It's the sepia looking picture with a very real flesh and bones baby on the screen) and I saw a tiny nose and lips, a whole face and a hand up on a forehead. I was looking at my baby.

I began to cry and couldn’t see the screen.

It was the exact same overwhelmingly joyous feeling I had when they lay Ivar on my chest and announced, “It’s a boy!” I swear to you no matter what I had just birthed, I loved deeper and more fully than I had known love before. They could have said, "It's a monkey!" and I would have felt the same joy.
Because that monkey was mine.

I saw that tiny face and the gender question became the silliest question in the world. I don’t know if it’s a girl or a boy…I just want that one. That one that is mine.

I cried after the appointment too. I think I was carrying more fear about the well being of this baby than I had realized. Plus, the whole experience made this pregnancy feel suddenly very real. I have been so distracted with this one. Life hasn’t stopped to process the change that is ahead. But as my heart gushed open when I saw that little face I think I started to comprehend that I have another child on the way who I will love just as fiercely as I love Ivar. That is a powerful thought unto itself.

Rory took me out for cream cheese puffs afterwards and I cried some more big tears in Leeann Chin as we talked about the reality of two kids, the excitement of siblings, and our growing family with all that is ahead. It all became very real today.

we get to see someone very special today...

We don't know who this little bundle is yet. I've been told that this week (21 weeks) this little life is 10 inches long and not even quite a pound. This baby likes to kick and move. I love having this life inside of me. I love feeling the life inside of me.

And I'm so glad that I'm not growing a carrot. How awkward is this picture?!! Today I will get to see a nose and toes and tiny fingers and a chest with a beating heart. We can't wait.

snapshots from our weekend

...in words

Rory began his fight against the squirrels who climb up the skinny metal pole to our bird feeder. He began by smearing cooking oil up and down the pole which was short-term successful. But not as successful as his later discovery: vaseline. It was a great weekend of "get over here! they look like little firemen sliding back down their fire pole!" Rory won the battle. And so did the birds.

While clearing the table, Pandora played Cats in the Cradle. Suddenly I heard the words. This was weird, because I could belt that chorus with the best of them on any road trip. But I'd never listened to the verses. And when I did, I got so sad. Like I had to sit down and have a good cry. Rory couldn't believe I had never heard the lyrics before. But I heard them this time and had a very pregnant moment.

Rory took Ivar and I to our first army surplus show. It was a sight. I believe we were the "preppiest family" in the bunch. No one else brought a stroller and a baby and a pregnant wife. But it was pretty awesome. All sorts of artifacts from different wars, good storytellers selling their goods...and lots of awkward conversationalists too. We celebrated our first gun show by going out for shamrock shakes. It was a good family day.

We made Chicken noodle soup from chicken stock we had made ourselves. How amazing is that?!! It was so delicious. Barefoot Contessa is always talking about how easy it is to make your own chicken broth, so Rory gave it a whirl last weekend and made the soup this weekend. Totally worth it, totally not that hard, and so good.

We unplug our tv the first seven days of every month. As a result, I read lots of books from the first to the seventh. On Saturday I finished Little House in the Big Woods. I got it for my niece Mara for Christmas, and then she let me borrow it back. That was nice of her. Now I'm reading Jayber Crow by Wendell Berry and can't go to bed at night! I am so sucked into this story!

I began taking a bath every night. It's heaven. I bring my book and enjoy some quiet time a the end of the day. I always debate if I should fill the tub, and then once I get in I wonder why I wouldn't do this every free moment of my life?!!

so much to love

I was in the kitchen unloading the dishwasher when I heard the cat begin to meow loudly in the livingroom. Then Ivar started repeating over and over, "uh oh. uh oh." And when I rounded the corner I found him shaking his bottle up and down, while continuing to repeat uh oh. The cat was also wet with milk. Ivar looks guilty, doesn't he?

Ivar at 16 months. So much to love.

Dear Ivar,
I love that you shake your finger the whole time we read Five Little Monkey’s. You love it when the doctor says, “No more monkeys jumping on the bed!” It's especially funny that you use your middle finger. We'll teach you why that is culturally inappropriate later.

I love how you know two signs: all done and birdie. You love how effective "all done" is. When you’re finished eating you flail your arms around and we hop up, wipe you down and free you to your toys. You are proud that you can tell us what you want. We are relieved.

I love that you use Mama and Dadda interchangeably. It is obvious one name is not connected to either one of us in particular, but you use these names with affection and have learned, I am sure, that either one of us will drop what we’re doing to see what you need.

Your words are growing every day. You love pointing out your nose and teeth and ears. You love making animal sounds, “neigh, bow wow, and moo” are the current favorites.

You’ve been sick this week, and we snuggled so much. Oh I wish you would snuggle more often! It is so wonderful to have your head on my chest. But if you’re feeling better, you are much too busy than to cuddle your mom.

We love you baby boy.

diy cell phone thingy

While at the home organization night at church, I was introduced to the contraption they now sell to hold your cell phone while charging so that phone and cord don't have to rest on your counter top. I loved it. And then I was tipped off to the diy tutorials out there for making your own.

So I took a stab.

It's handy. I like it a lot for how it functions. It's made out of a baby shampoo bottle that we just happened to finish off this week. I hung it on some hooks above the outlet because I hope to make one for Rory's phone too, and this way they'll both fit up there.

I don't like how the fabric I used turned all dirty looking with the modge podge. And I really wish I had followed the directions on the tutorial. I took some creative liberty to use random pieces of fabric and that's great, but I'll probably go back and make another with just one fabric, a brighter pattern and no fabric on the inside.

However, one addition I did make that I find to be genius was cutting a hole in the side where the cord can sneak in. I twistie tied up the cord and smooshed it in the bottom. This hides the cord inside the holder so the cord is hidden all the time.