the pre-party panic attack

Thursday night we had our neighborhood over for a potluck. I love my neighbors, knew everyone coming and told myself all week long that I didn't need to fret over this gathering. It was casual, everyone was bringing something, I know these people, it would go fine. My folks came over the day before and helped get the yard ready and spiff up the place. They did so much! They weed whipped every tree and raised bed and around every building. They cut down dead branches and trimmed trees, planted and transplanted, pruned the raspberries and weeded the garden a bit. Mom even folded my laundry. It was incredible.

I woke up on Thursday morning certain that I could accomplish what needed to get done without stressing about the party. I went grocery shopping right away, put the pork in the crock pots, took the kids to get haircuts and fed everyone lunch. During quiet play time I swept and mopped my kitchen and cleaned off the counters (hooray!) and cleaned the bathroom and garage a bit. 

And then it was 3:00 and I saw that the big crock pot was actually set for Warm and not on 4 hour cook (ahh!) and I still had the following on my list: buy ice, set up tables and chairs, gather dishes and place settings, make lemonade and ice tea, shred the pork, make the salad, and shower and look presentable. And that was when the panic set in. I had two hours until everyone was to arrive at 5, and two kids who seemed to be just as needy as their mama. 

The irony of the whole day was that it was supposed to be a quiet day. The barn is completed and the builders had packed up the day before. But the inspector showed up first thing in the morning, found three things he wanted reinforced, so the builders came back by 10 and stayed all day to make the changes. And the water guy showed up and started digging the trench and tearing out trees to make way for the water line from the well house to the barn. And at one point our neighbor came by to chop the hay in our field (but was unable to get to the field because of the six foot trench running through our yard.

So much for spiffing up the place! Trees were falling and dirt was everywhere!

At 3:00 I didn't cry. I didn't yell. But on the inside I was freaking out. And I proceeded to freak out towards my husband anytime he showed his face. Which became less and less and the party drew near and I was getting more and more panicked. Funny how that works.

So it makes a girl wonder. Can a person host a large group gathering without having the pre-party panic attack? My guess is that it is probably possible. I bet I might even host a gathering at some point where everything goes smoothly and no water guys are ripping my land apart and I prepare with grace and a smile. But I decided last night that having people over is the goal. The goal is to build community. And if it is stressful, it is still worthwhile. The worst thing would be to throw in the towel and say, "we don't entertain." Because the party was awesome and I love our neighbors and it was worth every minute of work and panic to have everyone here.

It also made me think that when a man marries a woman he should know what he is signing up for. A fitting vow would be, "I promise to take you, Becca, even when you're a hot mess before company is coming over. I promise to act as a landing pad, no matter how unwarranted, for all of your anxiety, perfectionism and social stress that comes along with party planning. And I promise to forgive you of all of your pre-party intensity once the party is over and we both recognize it was a worthwhile success of a gathering."

And it was a worthwhile success of a gathering. We ate well, gave barn tours and got all caught up with the friends we wave to each day as they drive by. More pictures to come.

goldilocks

On Saturday night we met up at Troy and Sara's bus after worship. We were there to listen to Sara's new album that is coming out in the fall and I need you to know I ADORE this one. I love it so much. Just like I've loved ever other of her records. But get excited. I cannot wait for it to be released so I can tell you about each song. It's so, so, so good.

It meant we didn't get back to our own room until a little before midnight. I was pokey brushing my teeth in the black room by the light of my cell phone (our kids had been sleeping in our room with Mimi while we were gone) and Madison and Rory had already gotten into their own beds a while earlier. And then there was a knock at the door.

I opened the door and found a mom, asking if I had seen her 8-year-old son. She said they had just been to fireworks and Perkins and she knew he came in the building, but didn't make it up to her room. I assured her I hadn't seen him, but that if she was going to look outside I'd join her. She said she wanted to try the other rooms first, to be sure he didn't go into the wrong room.

I shut the door, and stood scrolling through instagram. And then with the light of my cell phone, walked over to my bed and in the dim light saw an eight-year-old boy sound asleep and spread out on my bed. I was so shocked! I flew to the door looking up and down the hallway for the mom. She was knocking on another door a few rooms over and I whisper-yelled, "Mam! He's in my bed! I had no idea!"

She came and scooped him up and said he had been getting our rooms confused all day long. She left with her son and then I was left with a room full of sleeping family and no one to tell, "There was a boy asleep in my bed!"

The next day I saw the family at the cafeteria and met the kid who had crawled into my lower bunk and made himself at home. He didn't remember any of it, but I will never forget. Also, he had blonde hair. Which pretty much makes him my personal Goldilocks.

family camp at lake geneva christian center

We just got back from a weekend up at Family Camp. Rory and his family grew up going to Lake Geneva for kids camp and family camp, while I was a few lakes over on Lake Carlos at Mount Carmel. This was my first time sleeping over at Lake Geneva and I was so excited to get to experience Rory's camp.

When we took the Osakis exit on Friday afternoon, it just happened that we caught up to Troy and Sara's bus that held both their and Kyle and Lisa's families for the weekend. I swear to you I turned into a fifth grader when I saw that bus. I was so excited to be going to camp and to run into family on the way made me a bit ecstatic.

I think the very best part about attending a family camp is all of the downtime to catch up and have meaningful conversations. I talked so much in the last three days, always switching it up depending on who I sat next to at mealtimes or found in the coffee shop or ran into on my way to the next thing. I got caught up with nieces and nephews this way too, which is always a joy. We ate most meals in the cafeteria and the only things scheduled each day were morning worship and evening worship, powerful times when the camp gathers together in the worship center.

Going to family camp with your extended family is basically like planning a family reunion where you don't have to plan much of anything. You just plan to play and laugh and talk and read and nap a lot. I can't recommend it enough. In a few weeks we'll head up to Mount Carmel for more family camp with my side of the family. We can't wait for more!

feeling fancy free

We have a sweet ritual to hit up the DQ right after my midwife appointments. The kids enjoy coming to my appointments and playing with the toys in the room, and then they love getting DQ mini strawberry sundaes and eating them outside at the umbrella tables. If we're lucky, a train goes by and blows its whistle.

I think I've named this three other times this month, but I'm going to do it again. We are in a sweet spot right now. I feel like I am getting a little vacation in motherhood this summer and it's awesome. My kids can get in the car and buckle up on their own (Ivar helping Elsie) now. They can dress themselves and put on their crocs. Everyone is out of diapers and naps are rare. More than being pregnant with either of them, I am so fully aware with this pregnancy of the goodness of this pocket of time and how everything will change come October. Then we'll be back to naps, diapers, heavy infant carriers, diaper bags, scheduled feedings and a very dependent little baby. And I'll be ready for it and in some ways eager to hunker down again with a tiny baby for the winter.

But in the meantime, I am savoring this summer and all the ways we are footloose and fancy free.

morning make-over update

At the beginning of June I wrote out my summer goals, one of which was to do the e-course to make-over my mornings. I have had a few friends ask how it is going, and this morning I finally wrote the following out to a dear friend in an email. And then I thought, "I should just put that on the blog!" So here it is, first written to Julie, now to you. :)

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Funny you should ask about the morning make-over course, since I'm up right now at 6:30. That would make it seem like I'm really seizing the day! But this early email has more to do with funny sleep stuff from pregnancy and not falling back asleep too easily. The course itself was helpful for a while...I had a lot of take-aways more to do with my evening routine...things I can do to set myself up for a better morning. Like setting out my own clothes (age 34, and still drama), deciding on breakfast for everyone (a constant frustration, short order cook...) and trying to at least have the kitchen table cleared off before I go to bed. Those are my evening goals. In the morning I try to get dinner prepped (mostly just in my head...to think about what I'll need to get done before 5:00) and those few little tweaks have helped me a lot.

That said, the girl who does the videos strikes me as quite put together, and as the days passed her intensity overwhelmed me with her personal wake-up time of 5 am, morning run, daily to-do list and ambitious daily goals. I've written about how I have finally let myself off of the hook this year of motherhood, letting myself "just be a mom." Everything out there would encourage every woman to have a side job or to build a platform or have an etsy shop, and someday I very well may have something else going on the side. But right now, when they're little, I'm just tired of feeling like I should be doing something more. So while the instructors suggestions were to have a passion and goals and something you're working towards that will get you out of bed each day, I sort of let myself off the hook thinking, "just get meals on the table and enjoy the kids..."

Also, I have been reading books this summer like never before. And late night reading really wrecks any hopes for an early and productive morning! But man these books have become a highlight of my summer.

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I'll add this too: The course really ended up being more about goal setting and follow through, which are always fascinating topics to me. I even bought a new planner at one point. But in the end, I am left feeling quite fine with knowing my "big rocks" in this season are to feed my family, tend to the house and celebrate my kids. And I'd even add in, to nurture my own friendships. That's a big rock too. Building friendships and community is a huge deal to me, and a worthy goal to name.