my 2015 one-little-word

It's my favorite way to start a new year. To pick one little word to focus on all year long. Last year I chose the word Anticipation, recognizing my role in making fun events to anticipate on the calendar. It was another long winter and I was able to see how my choices and plans and creativity led to fun events, outings and things to look forward to.

The funny thing is that I wasn't mindful of my word hardly at all this year. I even had to look it up to see what it was. But looking back over the past year we did a lot that created a lot of Anticipation. We held lots of big events at The Grovestead: a tree tapping party, honeyfest, a wiener roast, a corn feed, a few work days and countless picnics. We went on two vacations this summer, one to Mount Carmel and one to the North Shore. We had lots of exciting deliveries to anticipate: honey bees, apple trees, a wood stove, blueberry bushes, a tractor, baby chicks, two little kittens (though they were not anticipated! A total surprise!)

But all in all, Anticipation was a great word for the year. We lived it. There were few dull moments. And 2014 was filled with people, projects and productivity.

My one-little-word for 2015 was very slow in coming, but I landed on a good one. And I think this word has the power to change me from the inside out.

For Christmas, my mom gave me the book Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. For years I have had people rave about this book and how much it has changed them, to the point of annoyance. For real. I had become sort of skeptical just based on the crazy following this book had. But this summer, while in the Mount Carmel bookstore with my mom, I picked it up, told her about all the people who have told me to read it, and she asked if I wanted it for Christmas. So six months later, I opened it up.

And every day since I have been opening to the next page for a short little note written based on scripture, in the voice of Jesus, telling me all the truths and realities written in his word that are for me. It is like taking a deep inhale of oxygen.

I have become one of the crazy fans of this book. And if I had money unending, I'd send you a copy right to your doorstep.

The subtitle of the book is "Enjoying Peace in His Presence."

And I suppose that phrase could be my one-little-word. Because that is my goal.

I think I've written about all of these things before, but I'm going to say them all again, because they're my struggles that don't seem to go away. I always wonder if I'm doing enough. I have friends I went to the seminary with who are mothers and pastors and somehow make that work. And I'm in awe, and on hard days envious of their outlet to preach and teach. But in all honesty, I don't feel called to that vocation right now. I have friends who have great jobs and sometimes I envy the thought of a workplace and a lunch break.

This is a super sensitive subject because all moms make their own decisions based on thousands of variables unique to their own situation. But I'm just here to say from where I stand, it is also hard to be a stay-at-home mom, wondering if I should be doing more. Especially because every book written on motherhood is by a mom with a platform. Someone who somehow had enough time to write a book. And go on a speaking circuit. And speak at seminars. There are countless blogs and instagram feeds devoted to goal setting, living your life fully, executing huge projects. And it becomes hard to believe that just staying at home with my kids, putting one foot in front of the other, is enough.

I get itchy in my skin wondering, "should I open an etsy shop? should I start a podcast? will I fall behind if I don't build a brand, a following, an audience?" And I only wonder those things because those options are visibly lived out on the blogs I read and feeds I follow.

So those words: Enjoying Peace in His Presence feel like a wave of freedom. It feels like a little side door exit to leave the crazy mind-games of 'Am I doing enough?' And says instead, 'You are enough.'

This year, my one little word has less to do with doing, and much more to do with being. Being present. Feeling God's presence. Enjoying his Peace when I'm feeling insecure and wondering if I'm living my life fully enough. Recognizing His Presence in every part of my life. To feel filled up by God daily.

I expect that with these intentions 2015 will be a year of personal revival. It has to be, because the Bible promises that when you're drawing near to God he'll draw near to you. And I want him near to me. Filling me with the Peace of his Presence. If you want to join me, click here to get your copy of Jesus Calling. It's $10 and so, so good.

ice luminaries

I had my sister's three girls for an overnight on Monday. And since they are my most supportive side-kicks for any project I suggest, we tend to get crafty. Our time together usually starts with a little browse through pinterest deciding what we are going to do, make, build or sew. 

But this time I got my idea from a newspaper article my mom had cut out for me. It showed these ice globes and told enough of the how-to's that I knew we had-to. We ran to Target and bought the balloons, came back home and started our project by filling up 20 very large water balloons at the kitchen sink. A perfect project for a very enthused group of girls.

I loaded up two big storage tubs and took them outside in the -8 degree night. One by one, I lifted each balloon and placed it on the snow. The plan was for them to freeze all the way around, from the outside in. But I had no idea snow is such a tremendous insulator! Five hours later, in sub zero weather, the bottoms of the balloons still had not frozen.

But I was frozen. And I wasn't going to stay up any later watching water freeze. So, working very quickly, I cut the balloon off  the top of the frozen dome, and let the water gush out the bottom, flipped it over and found I had a bowl.

The next morning it was even colder and Mara and I worked hard moving the bowls to the picnic table and placing tea lights in the middle. We actually had to go inside a few times to warm up our legs...it was brutal. But totally worth it!

I'm inspired and excited to keep experimenting. Maybe I'll put the balloons on the driveway, and see if they freeze all the way around. I'm not sure. But I do love having a new winter hobby that brightens these long, cold nights!

the best of 2014

And here we are, the last day of the year. For four years now I have sifted through a years worth of pictures to find "The Best Of..." It's an awesome (and time consuming!) way to process the last 365 days. This year my pictures correlate heavily to the months of the year...showing the seasons of farm-life, mom-life and community-life as they change throughout the 12 months. I sort of love this. Since I love the thought of a life lived fully aware of the world around me, I'll mark this as a step in the right direction. 

Ladies and Gentleman, I give you The Best of 2014:

That last one is a tease for Friday's blog post. Can't wait to tell about these ice bowls I made with my nieces. They. are. awesome.

best of lists from: 2013 / 2012 / 2011

brightening the night

Ivar and Elsie are thrilled by Christmas lights. They announce each house we see and narrate what they are seeing. One night Ivar yelled, "mom! look at that very tall tree with lights at the tippy top!" I pulled over and we took in this tall tree.

I started to think about the person who stood on a ladder, or used a fancy pole to hang the lights we were admiring. I felt grateful for them and I sort of recognized what a cool tradition this is, where home owners take part of their weekend and, especially in Minnesota, freeze their fingers off in an effort to brighten the winter with their Christmas lights.

I looked at this tall evergreen and saw Ivar's eyes in my rear view mirror. And I almost pulled into the drive way to go and thank whoever hung the lights.

But then I had a different idea. I have friends who take an annual Light Drive with their kids in their jammies, hot chocolate in their sippies and head out into the night to zig zag through their neighborhood. I decided  we could do something similar, and make a dozen thank you notes and take along, taping a note of gratitude to the door of our favorite light displays.

I ordered my stationary at Tiny Prints and was so excited when the cards arrived. I wrote a note on each card and had the kids help me decorate the envelopes. And then on Saturday night we took the kids on a Christmas Light drive.

I explained what we were doing to Ivar, telling him that we were giving out "awards to houses that had pretty lights on them." He was all in. He yelled every time he saw lights, told us to "stop the car" and "give them an award!" The best part was that, in his mind, the quantity of lights had nothing to do with who deserved an award. If a house had a single strand of lights, he wanted to stop the car.

Rory and I, on the other hand, were a little more particular.

I walked the notes up to the houses and taped them to the door. Except for the houses where I had been spotted already, and then felt obligated to explain why I was there. That led to some awkward moments and story material for another day. I would advise just to tape the thank you to the door.

All in all, it was awesome. It felt like a fun way to share gratitude, to give a little credit and kudos to the person who took the time to hang their lights, and best of all, Ivar understood what we were doing and the joy that comes from a grateful heart. This will be a new tradition for us. And I really hope it catches on.

baked french toast

My friend Beth had a Christmas brunch and served a feast of good food, including this Baked French Toast. Everyone wanted the recipe and she commented how easy this one is to make. My ears always perk up extra high when someone says that.

She sent out the recipe and I decided this would be our Christmas morning breakfast. And after a successful first run, it will forever (with a side of sausage) be our Christmas morning breakfast. Here's the thing: I loved it when I was making it (so easy!) I loved it when I threw it in the oven just before we started opening presents (I felt so organized!) And I loved it when we had a hot breakfast waiting for us after gifts (This mom has got it together!). Most of all, I loved that my whole family loved it. (And when you see the ingredients, you'll realize there's nothing not to love...)

So here it is:
1 loaf of Pepperidge Farm Swirl Bread,cut into cubes
6 beaten eggs
3 cups half and half (you heard me!)
2 teaspoons vanilla

Grease a 9x13 and place cubes into bottom evenly. Mix eggs, half and half and vanilla. Pour over all. Cover and refrigerate at least two hours or overnight. Uncover and bake at 350 for 45 minutes. Should be golden brown and set in center.

We ate ours with butter and syrup. It's basically a combination of french toast and bread pudding. Perfect for a Christmas Morning. (Or New Years morning, or a birthday morning, or a Saturday morning, or tomorrow morning...)

winter play

 

We were going to head to Ikea today and at the last minute decided to stay home for another lay low day. At some point we realized there was a considerable amount of snow outside...not just a dusting. Enough to play in and certainly enough to get the tractor back out! I pulled the kids in the sled and then we found all the toys I had stored in the pole barn for the winter. Ivar was thrilled to find his dump truck again, "Oh thank you mom for restoring this for me! I have missed it all my life!"

Winter play is a whole lot of work with little kids. While getting our snow pants on Elsie stepped in melted snow so that I had to run upstairs with my snowpants on to get her a new sock. And while I was gone Ivar decided he was way too hot and had taken everything off again. It was only with the bribe of hot chocolate that my kids went outside. It's so much work to get them bundled, but once outside I remember how worth it it is. We played hard and came back in with rosy cheeks and running noses and ready for that hot chocolate with "twelve marshmallows! and christmas sprinkles!"

a fun idea

Just before it was time to go to church for Christmas Eve I whispered to Ivar, "Now Ivar, lets you and me go upstairs and very quickly and quietly get our church clothes on and come down and surprise daddy with our nice looking outfits."

Ivar whispered back, "Why did you say that like it was a fun idea?"

 

a very merry christmas 2014

I'm just going to level with you. I have written this blog post all day long with nothing in particular to say. So far I've written about how awesome this Christmas was and how fun it is to have a two and four year old. I wrote about how nice it was to have kids who are way more self sufficient than they were last year ie: they could sit at the kids table by themselves! Then I wrote about how I kept waking up on Christmas Eve because I was so, so excited for the kids to wake up on Christmas morning. Then I wrote about how grateful I am for friends who give me hand-me-downs for my kids to wear on Christmas Eve. 

But I deleted all of those posts because the truth is, I'm totally scattered today and like everyone else, wiped out. As a result, we took a sincere day off, played with lots of toys, tried to gain control of the toy explosion in every room, got the kids outside with the promise of hot chocolate when we came back inside. Mostly we read books and watched movies. It's been a lovely day.

And I took the time to look through all of the christmas posts I have written. All the way back to 2008! That's pretty awesome. We had the flu a few of those years, and it made me grateful that we stayed healthy this season. If you, too, are laying low, some of these are fun reads.

Christmas 2013: Little Elsie

Christmas 2012: Ivar and Elsie sing a song

Christmas 2011: Pregnant with Elsie and down with the flu

Christmas 2010: They year I gave the tutu's

Christmas 2009: Iced in at our apartment in Nebraska

Christmas 2008: Picture-a-day Holiday

indoor snowmen

Well, there is no snow to build a snowman outside, so we're building them inside! Ivar built these snowmen at ecfe and told me about the snowman pictured above, "This is daddy giving me a piggy back ride!" I found it very clever. Daddy even looks a little weary of giving such a big four year old a piggy back ride.

And then he built this one and said, "this is you and daddy. you're holding hands because you are married and that means love." It made me think about the time Rory and I went to the St. Paul winter carnival to walk through the ice castle. It was one of our first dates, and the very first time he reached for my hand. Oh man I remember everything about that moment. Mitten to mitten we walked through the castle and it was magic.

I think Ivar is right when he said holding hands means you are in love. Because we never let go...even when we got to the car he opened my door and 14 seconds later was reaching for my hand again as he started up the car. Everything was so new and exciting. Makes me want to go find my man and grab his hand...

making the magic

Oh man, these two. They are keeping me on my toes lately. They are the best of friends. Ivar begs me not to put Elsie down for a nap. He wants to be with her every moment. But then she gets in his business and he's yelling and she's screaming and I'm walking to the freezer to self-sooth with another Christmas cookie...

Yesterday I went to Target with Ivar and having him along was like shopping with a ball and chain around my ankle. A cheerful ball and chain. But a really pokey ball and chain. We had to stop at every display. He had to tell me that he "never told Santa I wanted this! But I do!" And I kept a positive self talk reel in my head about the actual joy in the season, the brilliance that is Target marketing and the fact that we are lucky to be able to afford any of this anyway.

And today he helped me wrap presents and it took hours. Because he needed me to cut every scrap of wrapping paper into microscopic pieces so that his train under the tree had scrap to haul to the scrap yard to weld a christmas tree for Gordon the train. I didn't fight it. I had seen the episode too. And it was clever. But I could have had those gifts wrapped in 30 minutes flat if I could have just thrown my actual scraps into the trash can.

It's a lot of work this whole Christmas thing. I am a bit weary already and we've only just begun! I wrote about being the magic maker a few years ago when pregnant with Elsie and I think it's a good read, and a good pep talk for pulling off all that still has to be pulled off.

So press on Magic Maker. And be sure to keep yourself fueled up on Christmas cookies.