fatherly wisdom from my big brother, Mat

My brother has surprised and amazed me as a dad. I think it's sort of funny to watch siblings take on new, huge roles because you've just never seen them in that way before. He loves his kids like crazy and they are crazy for him. He is a fun one to watch as a dad, laid back, calm and seemingly enjoying every moment.

I wish they didn't live out in Seattle. I miss him and his whole fun-loving clan.
Here's Mat:

How would you describe your style as a dad?
Proud, beaming, hands-off, give them choices and let them choose. I like to take them into the outdoors. I try not to worry too much. I probably intervene more when my kids are misbehaving than other dads. I try to be available to engage with them when we are all at home as much as possible.

What resources or who in your life was/is the most helpful in giving sound parenting advice?
We’ve benefited from lots of great advice from family and friends. Stephanie has been a voracious reader of parenting books, and we have really benefited from that. We pick and choose our favorite tips and craft our own approach.

Was there a specific part of being a dad that challenged you and your confidence in being a cut out for this?
Not yet— the early years are about loving them and teaching them. I can tell my big challenge will be when they are teenagers— knowing when to guide them, when to let them make their own mistakes. I will worry.

What is your favorite part of being a dad?Giving them support and watching their personalities develop.
If you were to go back, and start your season of parenting all over again, what would you tell yourself?What is a “season of parenting”?

Any words of advice or thoughts you want to pass along to Rory?
Stock up on personal time. Seriously. Now. (You’ll do great.)

fatherly wisdom from Jedd Larson

I met Jedd before my sister Annika did when we worked at camp together. I remember asking him then what he wanted to be when he grew up. And he replied matter-of-factly, "A good husband and a good dad."

And that's what we've got in Jedd Larson. He loves his girls like mad, shows great patience in dealing with three strong-willed women, and loves with a tenderness that makes me so happy he married my sister.

I give you, Jedd Larson.

1. How would you describe your style as a dad?
I'm kind of like the ball in a pinball machine. I wake up in full acceleration and go to sleep after the girls have stopped playing, but in between I spend a lot of time wondering what just sideswiped me or how hard the next bump is going to hurt.

2. What resources or who in your life was/is the most helpful in giving sound parenting advice?
My dad was the best role model anyone could have for fatherhood.

3. Was there a specific part of being a dad that challenged you and your confidence in being a cut out for this?
It is not possible to have too much energy or patience for your children. Making peace with only doing what you are able is not easy.

4. What is your favorite part of being a dad?
Watching my daughters learn and grow and discover who they are. I want nothing more than for them to become confident individuals who are kind to everyone they meet.

5. Do you have a favorite story or quote from one of your kids?
Mara - "Thank you God, that I'm funny." Sonna, yesterday, from the top of the back of the couch. "Daddy, do you want to see how far I can jump?"

6. If you were to go back, and start your season of parenting all overagain, what would you tell yourself?"
I try to give myself advice all of the time but it never sticks. I'm not very good at receiving advice from people that I don't recognize as an authority on the subject.

7. Any words of advice or thoughts you want to pass along to Rory?
We were at Dairy Queen with the girls. This older guy said to me as we were leaving, "You have a couple of neat kids." I said, "Yeah, they are pretty great. I'm trying to enjoy them before they turn 16." He said, "don't believe anything anyone says about teenagers being hard. My daughter is 17 and being a parent just keeps getting better and better... As long as you put in your time." My advice to Rory is "Spend all of the time you can with your child(ren), especially when it's hard but even when it's good. You'll only get one chance at this."

fatherly wisdom from Madison Groves

There was a period during Rory and my dating, when I was trying to figure out if I should marry him. And by period, I mean the entirety of our dating right up to our vows. (I put the boy through a lot.) I remember having a conversation with Sara at some point and her sharing that when she was in that season with Troy, she met Troy's dad, Madison. And she realized if this is the guy my future husband is looking up to and modeling after, then we're fine.

And it's true. You could hope for no greater father for your husband to aspire to. Madison lives his life with purpose and determination and if he says he's going to do something, he does it. It always catches me off guard a bit. Because most people just talk about taking a boat trip for an entire year when they retire. But they actually did it. And most people talk about writing a book. But he wrote it, self-published it and promoted it. Most people talk about living a good Christian walk, but Madison's entire life history and every decision reflect his love for his savior.

Rory LOVES talking to his dad, and still thrives on every word of encouragement and accolade. Same goes for his mom. In fact, recently Rory told me kindly after telling me of a new company idea, "oh. if you were my mom, you'd just encourage me right now and not tell me your opinion, concerns or worries yet." ha! Marlene and Madison set the bar high and have raised one amazing man for me to spend the rest of my life with.

I give you, Madison Groves.

1. How would you describe your style as a dad?
Marlene and I came from pretty similar backgrounds on parenting issues, even though we were brought up in different parts of the country. In their early years, I was at work a lot and her time with the kids was what really counted. So I wanted to be supportive whenever possible. I guess I would call our parenting style co-supportive.

For the past twenty or so years, I have really enjoyed the friendship of my sons and their wives. We sometimes get into issues I can help them on, but I am careful not to intrude into those areas best left between them and their wives.

As much as I am able to help them, they help me deal with the issues of life going forward, and I highly value that.

2. What resources or who in your life was/is the most helpful in giving sound parenting advice?
Much of the advice we got was collaborative with other parents in church or from reading many good books, both secular and Christian. My dad was quite authoritarian, so I took several pages of that role in guiding our sons, all within the confines of agreement between Marlene and I.

One of the best pieces of advice we got was from our associate pastor in Honolulu. In a nutshell, parents should focus on a high support/high control model with their children. It is this quadrant of parenting style that seems to be most effective – and we see that our own children are doing a great job in this area.

3. Was there a specific part of being a dad that challenged you and your confidence in being a cut out for this?
Yes, I wished that I had been involved in more sports as a youngster myself so it would have been more comfortable for me to pass that on to my sons. As it turned out, they became active to a sufficient degree in that area that it may not have been the issue I perceived it to be.

4. What is your favorite part of being a dad?
I think the best part of being a father is seeing how your sons have stayed true to their commitment to the Lord and are all still very active in their faith today. For some reason there is this unwritten rule that boys have to go out and sew their wild oats and then settle down. Not true. And while nobody’s perfect, my sons aren’t living their lives today trying to unwind regrets of the past.

After my bride of 44 years, my sons are my best friends. They took me out for a great time about a year ago. We spent the full day just the four of us. It was the most fun I’ve had in a long time.

5. Do you have a favorite story or quote from one of your kids?
I have several, but one that stands out about Rory was his very positive experience from attending Lake Geneva Bible Camp. When he returned that year, about age 11, his zeal for the Lord was several notches higher than before. We have always appreciated the value of the camp experience for our sons and that only confirmed it again.

6. If you were to go back, and start your season of parenting all over again, what would you tell yourself?
Knowing what I know now about my sons, I would tell myself “you are about to begin a journey for the next few years that will be both difficult and exhilarating, but know that God has everything under control, and you will do just fine, and your sons and their children will do just fine too because you will make church a priority for the family.”

7. Any words of advice or thoughts you want to pass along to Rory?
Rory, you will make a great dad because I know your heart is set on pleasing your heavenly Father and being the best husband you can be. Your example as a dad is what your children watch and you are well equipped there. Also, keep in mind that your job as a dad is to prepare your children for life during those few years. I distinctly remember that conversation we had together while sitting on your bed at our home in Bloomington. It was my message to you and to myself at the time. Proverbs 3:5,6 was and is my favorite Scripture for life. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths.

father wisdom from Troy Groves

I remember when I worked with Sara and Troy, there were lots of mornings when I'd arrive to their house, let myself in and find Troy laying on his belly in the unfishished dining room looking at baby Toby. I'd usually go and find a bowl of cereal or something to do, but I remember this happening consistently. Just quiet coos coming from the dining room and a happy dad, loving his little baby intensly.

Troy is a fun-loving dad and seems to be really intentional about setting up experiences for his kids. He'll often take one kid on a special outing: to the rodeo, to various concerts and lots of twins games, purposefully setting up quality time like that.

I give you, Troy Groves

1. How would you describe your style as a dad?
Overprotective, meddling,

2. What resources or who in your life was/is the most helpful in giving sound parenting advice?
My kids have given me the best parenting advice. They advise me all day long.

3. Was there a specific part of being a dad that challenged you and your confidence in being a cut out for this?
The specific part was when my wife told me she was pregnant and I realized I don't know what I'm doing and that could cause great harm to another human being.

4. What is your favorite part of being a dad?
When the whole family is hanging out together, out and about.

5. Do you have a favorite story or quote from one of your kids?
"I didn't get as much tears as last time" -Toby Groves after returning to take on the Splatosphere ride at the MOA amusement park

6. If you were to go back, and start your season of parenting all over again, what would you tell yourself?
Cancel your DirecTV subscription a lot sooner

7. Any words of advice or thoughts you want to pass along to Rory?
Since you were so much younger than me I kind of feel like I raised you to be who you are. I don't like to toot my own horn but if I don't, who's gonna?

father wisdom from Kyle Groves

dad groves, mom groves, lisa and kyle


Kyle is married to Lisa and they have three amazing kids. It's funny to sit here at analyze his parenting style, because I've never really thought about it that intentionally. But I'm remembering some conversations we've had with him as he travelled through Omaha on business or at other family gatherings and he is always so honest and real about parenting. I remember the last time he was in town he shed some light into what its like raising teenagers and told of how they handled a certain situation that we will surely face with our own kids one day. I made a special mental note that night to keep Kyle's number handy for parenting advice when our kids hit that stage.

He is a firm and fair dad. His kids love him to death, and its obvious if you spend ten minutes with their family together.

With this family the proof is in the pudding, and Maddie, Jack and Josie are three of the greatest, most sincere, polite kids of their ages that I know. My grandma went with us to their house for Thanksgiving and the whole way home she kept talking about "that boy Jack...he was so polite. So kind."

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Kyle Groves, Rory's big brother.

1. How would you describe your style as a dad?
This is ever-changing, but I’d say I’m firmly even. I try to be consistent & not raise my voice unless needed to make a clear point. I also try to off-set discipline w/humor, when appropriate. I can usually get a smile from my kids w/just a look, & they know when I’m kidding them.

2. What resources or who in your life was/is the most helpful in giving sound parenting advice?
The person most influential on my parenting is the best man in my wedding, Dad. He was – & still is – a great supporter of mine, & is so well respected by my friends it’s sometimes embarrassing. I also have 7 close friends (including my brother Troy) that I lean on often for advice.

3. Was there a specific part of being a dad that challenged you and your confidence in being a cut out for this?
As the kids get older I sometimes wonder if I’ll have the tenacity to stay strong. Keeping the peace can be trying, especially in the teen years, but I have to remind myself every day God put me here for this purpose – more than any other – to see my kids make it to Heaven. They are my primary mission field.

4. What is your favorite part of being a dad?
It is so fun to have a short-hand w/each kid – know what excites each of them, & being able to “get” them on a deeper level. It’s also really fun to watch them grow in maturity & start to get glimpses of what life will be like as their friends in the future.

5. Do you have a favorite story or quote from one of your kids?
I have 3:
· Maddie sometimes plays the role of the “blonde” too well. Just this past month I was asked by a friend of hers if I would be the emcee @ their wedding. When I told Maddie this she asked me what kind of music I was going to play.
· Jack’s handwriting is a little…tricky to decipher. We all sat around the dinner table 1 night while I attempted to read a story he wrote for school. I had tears trying to make it through sentences like: “When wilkenting framler skilvensen it’s best to tristenfin pretarklen dogs.”
· Josie & I have a number of bedtime rituals. They usually involve playing Uno (super fun for 2), praying, then hoisting that long skinny body over my shoulder to sing “Rock-a-Bye Baby” while dropping her repeatedly. There’s more, but it doesn’t even make sense to write it – but I love it!

6. If you were to go back, and start your season of parenting all over again, what would you tell yourself?
Less TV when they are young – we’re pretty strict on that now (no screens during the week), but we made it harder on them & us by being more lax about it earlier on.

7. Any words of advice or thoughts you want to pass along to Rory?
Rory, you are going to love being a Dad. It’s important to have rules, but it’s also important to know when they can be bent & even broken as they get older. It’s challenging, but so rewarding & fun.

father wisdom from my dad

I started Father's Day making Rory sausage, eggs, toast and coffee, and gave him a tshirt with the Strickland Propane logo on it from King of the Hill. We then went to church, and then I went to work. So I missed the start of my Father's Day posts. But I've got some good material again, and today I will begin with my own Dad. I asked these father's the same questions I had asked the mama's and I think it's sort of amazing how different the responses are from the mom's. Enjoy!

This past Sunday, on father's day, we had an open mic time at our church, where people could stand up and tell about their dad. There were lots of powerful stories, but mixed in were a good number of people who didn't have a prize-winning dad. A few who had complete absent fathers. They talked about other men in their life who filled that role.

I sat there and thought about how fortunate I am to have the prize-winning kind. And then I realized that Dad was also that "that other man" for lots and lots of kids at our church, fulfilling their need for a positive male role model. When I was in high school, I remember dad going to other kid's soccer games, dance recitals, band concerts. He may have done that when I was younger too, I just don't remember. He had two bulletin boards in his office...one with family pictures and the other completely cluttered with pictures of kids from our congregation. And when I think about it, most of those kids did not have a father. But he'd keep special trinkets in his desk for them and they would seek him out every Sunday for some love and attention.

I give you, Paul Harrington, my dad:

1. How would you describe your style as a dad?

pretty laid back. give the kids lots of love and affirmation. encourage them often. let them know how important they are to the family circle. pray for them daily. set boundaries early on so they come to understand that certain actions can have consequences. teach them to set good goals. help everyone in the family to respect and care for each other. such lessons serve them well as they grow older. hope and pray that they find good mates for life.

2. What resources or who in your life was/is the most helpful in giving
sound parenting advice? my parents, although they had very different styles. Dad was the authoritarian and Mom was the nurturer.

3. Was there a specific part of being a dad that challenged you and your
confidence in being a cut out for this?
not really. i always thought i could the job. my problem was being so busy as the church. Margaret did a lot of the good work for me as a parent but i think i was always there for the really imporant moments in their lives.

4. What is your favorite part of being a dad?
being so very proud of all that the 3 kids have accomplished.

5. Do you have a favorite story or quote from one of your kids?
Mat telling Becca she was an experiment child from Mars, and if she told margaret or me that she knew she was from Mars the experiment would be over and she'd be sent back to her mother planet. Mat confessing that he had stuck the cat's tail up the vacuum cleaner's suction tube. Also, Becca's trauma being told that Little Bo Peep was Little Boy Peep. what a crock! or Becca getting us home from vacation because she had brought a bunch of change. Annika wanting a huge gum ball from a machine which turned out to be a bright red rubber ball... i could go on and on... it was all such a blast!!

6. If you were to go back, and start your season of parenting all over again, what would you tell yourself?
i really would not change very much. you kids were a delight form start to finish.

7. Any words of advice or thoughts you want to pass along to Rory?
just know that this little kid is going to change almost every aspect of your life for awhile. but the adjustments are worth all the time and effort they require. you guys will make great parents!!

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Stay tuned for tomorrow's words of wisdom from one of the Groves Gentlemen.