extravagant and wasteful

I signed the kids up for preschool two mornings a week. We had our very first day on Monday and it was so fun. The kids were so excited and I love, love, love that they are in the same class. Dropping them off was more adorable than sad...they were side by side playing in the sand box and both stood to wave goodbye to me, beaming and proud to be there.

I love them so much.

Then I looked at the clock and tried to figure out the very best way to use the two hours I had before me. Time like this is so, so rare for me. Rory had hinted that I go grocery shopping as we are out of all staples in the house, but I didn't want to waste my two hours of downtime at Cub. Truth-be-told, I'm not sure how many of these personal hours I am going to have before a little baby joins the mix. This was my time and I felt very protective.

I drove to Caribou and I had my laptop along, but then realized I had forgotten my mouse and what I wanted to work on was a lot photoshop stuff...and not having a mouse would be really annoying. So I drove home and looked around, trying to decide what I could do.

I knew I should accomplish something. But I also knew I should rest. But I knew there really were things I could tackle while alone in the house. But I also knew the day was glorious and sitting in a camping chair outside would be perfectly fine too.

Sara has a new song on her new album that talks about time, and how we use it. How we are called to rest, called to play, called to relax. The song is an invitation to join her on an adventure and she says, "It will be extravagant and wasteful." Those words hit me so hard the first time I heard the song. Because that is how it feels when we're really resting. Extravagant. And wasteful. But we're still called to it. We're still commanded by God to be still, and to set aside one out of the seven days he has given to us to be restored and renewed.

I wish I could say that I poured myself an ice water and went outside. Instead a payed a visa bill, sorted a pile of papers and edited a few pictures. And all the while I wondered why I couldn't rest. And it made me think to write this blog post.

Sometimes productivity does feel restorative. But I want the lack of productivity to feel that way too. And I certainly don't want lack of productivity to feel condemning.  Because it is okay just to be.

I have another chance this week. Maybe I'll be extravagant and wasteful with those two hours.