I've had two remarkable experiences with forgiveness in two days.
Both times it was me asking for forgiveness.

The first was to a friend I've just been cold to. Icy, really. And I've known I've been behaving this way and just kept acting icy because I still felt icy. I even felt justified in my reasoning for feeling icy. But Rory and I had a good talk about this situation, and in the end, whether I had reasons for being cold or not, it was just time to be kind. And to apologize for my unkind behavior. And to ask for forgiveness.

Funny thing is that this person played that they hadn't noticed and told me not to worry about it. But I think that was just a nice thing for them to say. Because in that moment I could feel the room warm up a bit. Whether it had been felt or not on their part, my icy ways were melting and I felt forgiven.

Then today I had a conversation with a friend about a situation that happened almost a year ago. It's a series of events that has stuck with me and I've always been bothered by how it all played out since there never was an opportunity for resolution. But today I had the chance in this conversation to explain my regret, explain how I wished things had played out, and essentially ask for forgiveness, but done so with a 30 minute conversation surrounding the whole ordeal. And again, I felt the air clear.

It's so strange how this biblical principle, is just so, so good for us. So much of the Bible is like that... You might not know why this has been commanded, but once you error on the other side, you quickly learn "oh, this is for my own good. God knew this is for my own good." God knows it's not good to be icy. And that it's not good to think about something for an entire year after the fact. But I'm human, and humans do these things. The redemption in this story is that we were made for forgiveness, for having our wrongs taken away, and for feeling the freedom of a clean heart after hard conversations are had.

It's risky living. Honestly, it would have been much easier for me just to stay my same cold temperature. But in the end, I was wasting SO MUCH ENERGY...because I was created to live in the freedom of forgiveness.

1 comment:

Renee said...

I read your post earlier today but thought of it during an interaction I just had with a resident. Last night she was so troubled about another resident who is disrespectful and inconsiderate. Unfortunately, the situation isn't going to change because the woman who isn't very nice has dementia and this affects the way she interacts with people. Anyway, I tried explaining this to the troubled woman and I said then, the only thing that I know will help for certain is to go ahead and grant forgiveness, even though you are hurt. I led her in a prayer of forgiveness. Well, today, she came up to me and said she actually slept through the night and could look at the other woman this morning. (She still doesn't like her :) but...) God had set her free! PTL!! The power of forgiveness!!!