mama wisdom day 6: sara

Sara was my teacher in 10th grade and we kept closely connected after that year. I remember when she was pregnant with Kirby, her first, I was so, so excited. She told all sorts of funny stories about pregnancy and I was so intrigued. It all sounded so bodily and crazy and miraculous. And it turns out, it is all those things.

A day after she had Kirby, I called her and asked if I could stop by. Knowing what I know now about social etiquette, I think we would all agree this is probably a bit too soon for a former student to come to your house and meet your first born. But there I was, 17, and so excited to meet this tiny baby. Kirby was the first baby I saw so tiny, and I couldn't believe that the itty bitty life I was holding was the same exact life I had watched grow as Sara's tummy grew.

I held Kirby, and for certain overstayed the socially appropriate amount of time a former student should stay. Of course, no one made me feel this way. I probably would have slept over if it had been an option. Sara's whole family was there, and I even remember her sister Katie, who had just arrived a few hours earlier, asked me politely, "Becca, can I have a turn holding Kirby now?" Ha! Oh, poor 17-year-old Becca...leave already!

The coolest part, is that that three years later, I got to spend a whole lot of time with that little Kirby and his baby brother Toby when I worked as Sara and Troy's assistant. And then five years later, I got to ask Kirby and Toby to be my ring bearers in my wedding when I became their aunt. And the very coolest part is that on Sunday, I get to watch Kirby be baptized. That little boy is so special to me, and I can't wait.

Sara is an open book when it comes to motherhood, and I love her every story and confession. I've been listening to her Stationwagon: songs for parents CD a lot lately and am pretty sure my baby will recognize her voice from the start. We sing a lot of duets in the car together.

Ladies and Gentlemen, improducing, from Minneapolis, Minnesota, Sara Groves.

1. How would you describe your mothering style?
I think it was Madison that told me that high expectations without support can lead to a parenting disaster, and that too much support without expectations can also lead to a parenting disaster. With that in mind I try to have expectations, but also try to be supportive. I'm a lot more patient now than when I started out.

2. What resources or who in your life was/is the most helpful in giving sound parenting advice?
I look to a lot of parents, foremost my own parents, and Troy's parents. The Art of Family was a good creative book for me too. The main premise is that all of the personalities in a family should come to bear on the whole, making up a family personality. It closes with a chapter called 'Staying Married with Children' that is one of the best things I've ever read on marriage. It is out of print, but you can buy it used on Amazon.

3. Was there a specific part of mothering that challenged you and your confidence in being a mom?
All of it! I second guess myself a lot, even now. But I say a lot of that out loud, and I hope and pray that my kids see me learn from my mistakes as I am always trying to be a better mom.

4. What is your favorite part of being a mama?
My kids. They make me look good. I thank God for them, and love their company. They are amazing.

5. Do you have a favorite story or quote from one of your kids?
Ruby just came in a told me the other day that she is done being two.
"I'm done."
"You're done?"
"Yeah, I'm three."
She's been saying she's two and a half for a long time now, and apparently she's fed up with that.

6. If you were to go back, and start your season of mothering all over again, what would you tell yourself?
Relax. But there's no way to do that. I remember telling myself that I was going to treat the first one like the third, but I don't know if that's possible. There are so many things you can't know until you know them.

7. Anything else you would tell a first time, soon-to-be mom?
I decided early on to not make food or potty an issue. I just didn't want to battle over those things. Now, I've never made a second meal for a picky eater either, but I've always figured they will eat when they get hungry. If they don't eat, that's it, but then they usually fill up the next time around. That's worked out for my kids anyway. And then I never forced potty training. My pediatrician says they have a date on their internal calendar, and when they are ready, they are ready (he also told me that 80% of boys are not trained by three, so I was in good company). I let my kids tell me when they were ready, and they trained practically overnight. Granted they were three, and that meant changing a lot of man-poop diapers, but for me, it beat days and days of training, accidents, etc. Again, those two things have worked for us and the personality of our kids.