This I believe- Confirmation Friend #2

From the This I Believe series...

I had a few more friends from confirmation reply to my asking what they believe as of late. The best part of this process has been in reconnecting with friends that I was close to a decade ago. Life is fun and so rich when relationships come back in to your circle. Here's another thoughtful, honest reply.

Interesting that you ask this question, it seems to be a popular topic of late. Since our confirmation, my faith has taken many directions and frankly, I am left a little confused. This confusion, however, I am not worried about.

In late high school, I dated a girl who's family was into the whole evangelical movement and I participated in praise/worship with her during that time. For a while, I felt closer to God and stronger in my faith than I ever had. Eventually I felt very turned off by this flavor of Christianity because I felt like everyone there believed a little too fervently, like faith was this homogeneous thing where you were either in or you weren't. "We as Christians believe..." "But I don't believe all of that and I'm still a Christian, aren't I?.."

Well a lot has changed in my life since then, and my faith has had its ups and downs. I have learned more about eastern religions and read some interesting viewpoints on Christianity by Carlton Pearson. So where do I stand now? I'm not totally sure. I know that I think about my faith as much now as I ever have. But I am as unsure about organized religion as I ever have been.

Ultimately, I have come to believe in these things. It has been more fulfilling to engage in my faith's journey than it ever has been to be "sure" of anything. I believe that keeping an open mind to opposing viewpoints and having discussions with friends/family has been more fruitful for me than taking communion or singing a hymn. The process of faith has trumped faithfulness and I take comfort in that. Maybe one day I'll feel "close" to God and maybe not, but I know that I will have invested myself in the process and that's all I really can do.

"All I do is love you, God
All I do is doubt you, God
All I do is search for you
What else can I do?...

And when I say I search for you
I mean I search for peace
I search for hope,
I search for love
And one day for release...

-Mason Jennings

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