cardboard creativity

For Valentines this year my sweetheart built me an Ikea dresser. I purchased the dresser on January 4th, but it took us a solid five weeks to muster up the will to open the boxes and follow the picture instructions. We've built enough dressers to know exactly what we were in for. It probably won't go down as the most romantic valentines days of my life, but it was awesome. We were in fun moods and we now have four hemnes dressers of all shapes and sizes organizing our clothes.

The very best part of the dresser delighted me all week long. It was the cardboard box it came in. It has given us five solid days of entertainment and is still going strong. Ivar made a pizza to fit in the pizza box that held all the small parts for the dresser. Below he made a robot and the bottom picture he proudly told me "is a statue!" The mileage from that big box is incredible and it is a joy to watch my kids create. I didn't do much guiding on this one...my kids found the tape and scissors and asked for the crayons. On the whole, they are just getting more self-sufficient.

I also am learning the art of letting Ivar take the lead. The first day he had me cutting up tiny squares to make "bricks for the roof!" I cut the bricks and helped decorate them and knew there was no way these things would end up making a roof. After all, I have 28 years of fort-building expertise on the kid. But I followed his plans, did what he said and in the end, after trying lots of failed options he happily decided that the bricks on the roof could be "decorations on the wall!" I was proud of him for course-correcting. And even more proud of myself for not taking over the role of project manager. :)

I never want to forget

Each night on my way to bed I slip in to check on Ivar and Elsie, to adjust their covers and to give them a kiss on their cheeks. Usually they've already been asleep a few hours and their breathing is heavy and loud. My heart swells twelve sizes and I know I've never been so happy. I move Ivar's entire body so that his head is back at the top of his bed and I reposition Elsie so that her covers are snug around her neck.

I feel something more fulfilled and content and satisfied in this daily ritual than anything else.

It's often right then that I'll step on a little john deere tractor or a duplo, right in the arch of my foot, full body weight. Which keeps it all real. But that feeling of peaceful satisfaction is just as real too. 

And in the night Ivar will need to go to the bathroom and Elsie will cry out because her covers are off. And I'll feel frustrated at the interrupted sleep. But then in the morning, if I'm lucky, I'll open my eyes to two heads watching me, smiling, excited for me to get up and begin the day. And even though I'm tired, my heart swells twelve sizes again. Because I know I've got a pretty great gig.

is there a book inside you?

We've had this book on our bookshelf since were were married. Rory remembers buying it when he was in high school. I've thumbed through the pages but mostly answered the title. Is there a book inside you? Me? Are you talking to me? Why, yes. Thank you for asking. Yes there is.

I've always known this. I love writing. And I've always had the desire to find the discipline to write an entire book. The hang up was that I never felt I had anything unique to add to the mix. I have lots of stories. Lots of story material. But I knew it wasn't a book. A few years ago I decided to table the idea of writing a book until I had something to say. (That was a smart idea!)

This year at the Groves' Family Christmas my brother-in-law, Kyle, asked me if I thought I'd ever write a book. I told him I thought I would one day, but for now I didn't know what I'd write about. And I'm not sure how it snowballed, but soon most of the adults were discussing one idea I had mentioned and the conversation gained momentum and I got excited. My father-in-law brought up something that felt like the clincher to bring the whole thing together. We drove home that night and I knew I finally had something to say.

(I'm going to pause here for a minute to flat out apologize for being so vague. Because I'm not actually going to tell you what the book is going to be about. I'm afraid if I do, I steal my own thunder and write a blog post about my book, instead of the book itself. That's probably super annoying, but hopefully it is super motivating for me to write the thing and super inspiring in the end when you read the thing. But again, I apologize.)

A few weeks after the Groves' Christmas conversation I brought something up at ECFE that sort of summarized the idea behind this book and after a friend wanted to talk some more. As we talked I mentioned that I want to write about this and she was so encouraging. The ideas felt original to her and she was so excited that I might write them out formally.

I went home that day, gave the kids lunch and put them down for quiet play time and nap time and then sat on the couch and wrote out the entire outline for such a project. I had nine chapters. I had subtopics. I had illustrations plugged in. I have had this book inside of me for a long, long time.

The reason I am writing about all of this at all is because I think it's going to affect my blogging. It actually sort of has to. I've got little margins of time during my day and I'm realizing that if I'm going to pump this sucker out, I will have to stop blogging so regularly. Which is a bummer, but hopefully will lead to actual pages in your hand in the near future. I would imagine, just knowing myself and my blog, that I won't be able to stay away for any serious long stretches, but if I do go missing, I would love your prayers that I would write something worthwhile, helpful and heartfelt. (And then be sure to keep tabs on Rory. From possums to hatching eggs, he'll keep you entertained...)

I have given myself a little six month deadline. It's totally doable. The book is written in my head. At night I wake up and write entire sections in my head. Rory told me I probably need to start getting out of bed and writing them down when they're feeling fluid and inspired. I might start doing this, but I also am trusting that when I sit down with an hour to write, God will give me focus, clarity and confidence to write the words that need to be written in that window of time.

I'm so excited. Can you tell? I have a strange and awesome confidence going into this project because I know this book is supposed to be written. I would love your prayers for focus and to see this baby through. I am anticipating that at some point this confidence and excitement will turn into insecurity and heaviness, so pray against that. I'm announcing this project as a means of accountability. Pray that I see this book through to its completion.

I've got a book inside of me! And it's busting to get out!

giving away my first book

The picture above is of me and my friend, Amanda. I've known Amanda since she was three, friends through church and our mom's sang in the same singing group. When I worked at Mount Carmel Family Bible Camp recruiting their summer staff, I recruited Amanda. She was thrilled to come and I was thrilled to have her spirit on our staff.

She is one of my favorite people on the planet. She's like sunshine. She's a happy, joyful, fun girl and to be with her means you're probably also feeling happy, joyful and fun.

When she came to work at Mount Carmel she was at a crossroads, deciding what direction to take. At camp she was surrounded by awesome people and solid teaching. And then she decided to grab hold of the truth and she has been in a dead sprint following after Jesus ever since.

Since then, there have been so many times that I have looked up to Amanda and her solid foundation in Christ and wanted to be more like her. She is such a bright light and so encouraging to me. She's a dear friend who always leaves me wanting to run the race a little harder, shine a little brighter and love and serve with all my heart. Isn't that the sweetness of having a sister-in-Christ? She spurs me on when I'm feeling weary, and I can spur her on too.

I think it was three summers after we worked together at Mount Carmel that I was pregnant with Ivar and we were up at camp at the same time. She and our friend Lindsey came to eat dinner with me and Rory and wanted to know everything about pregnancy. And they begged me to write down everything I was learning and feeling so they could read it one day. I'm not just saying that. It was like they both had me by the arms, telling me to write about this first baby.

So I started right then. With the two of them in mind I started writing little pieces about pregnancy all the way to Ivar's first birthday. I called the book Two Lines to One Year. (The two lines being the two lines on the pregnancy test). A few of the pieces I published on the blog, but most of them I didn't. After Ivar was born I would bring him to my in-laws, Marlene and Madison's, house and then go and write at the Prior Lake Library for a few hours. Looking back I can't get over how fortunate I was to have this time to myself and time to process all I was feeling as a first time mom.

In the end (and with a whole lot of motivating by Rory) I self-published a very rough draft. I had two copies printed and when they came in the mail I felt so proud. I read it through and then I got pregnant with Elsie and the two books made the move with us to the country.

It was not until a few Sunday's ago as I sat in church, thinking of all the things I needed to do before going to Amanda's baby shower that afternoon that it dawned on me: "I wrote Amanda a book! I get to give her that book!" The book is dedicated to Amanda and Lindsey and it says, "if you are the only two who ever read this little ditty, I can think of no greater readership." I came home and pulled it from the bookshelf and wrapped it up.

I drove to Eagan and sat with all of Amanda's awesome family and friends and then got to give my friend a book I had written. It was the best feeling in the world. I felt proud of this little rough draft and so grateful to give her something to read while she is walking the same rocky road of being a new mom. She loved it. Cried big tears and I was so glad for the time I took to write each word.

I got home and took the other copy off of the shelf and went up to bed and read the whole thing. Some stories I'd omit now. Some I'd greatly edit. But on the whole, I loved it. I loved my heart behind it and some of the stories were hilarious. I was proud of that little book.

Now I don't intend to actually ever publish that one. But it stirred something in me. Something that's been brewing for a long time. And since I'm getting a little long winded here, I'll save part two for tomorrow.

the sacred ordinary

Our days have been pretty ordinary lately, and it seems my eyes to "find a story" are less creative than usual. But in an attempt to find the sacred in the ordinary here's what we've been up to:

+We've spent most of our time building and rebuilding and building again a zoo. We've got a pony stable, an aquarium, a mini-bear and a lion exhibit. It's really pretty impressive. And we're always in the middle of another building campaign.

+The kids are so loud lately. Loud when laughing, playing, fighting, running, having-trouble-sharing... One day last week I found myself shushing them over and over and finally at one point I realized I was the only one in the house. Their volume didn't matter. They were going bananas because we've been cooped up so long. So I decided to join them. I got super loud and played loud music and joined in their silly loud play. And it worked. It didn't annoy me as much when I joined in.

+Rory built an incubator and has four eggs that he rotates four times a day. He has an external thermometer that tells him the temperature in there. He wakes up multiple times a night to check the temp and then runs downstairs to adjust the dimmer switch so that the temperature stays within three degrees. He is a very devout mother hen. You can read more about his incubating adventures here.