lately at the grovestead

It's cold here. The cats hang out under their heat lamp like the spoiled sort-of-farm-cats-sort-of-pets that they are. Elsie can be found hanging out with them every chance she gets. Which makes getting her into her car seat a bear...why would you ever want to get in a cold car when you can hang out with warm cats?

Ivar used his dump truck to haul dirty ice chunks that he found in the garage that had fallen off the cars. He took that load up and down the driveway on Monday morning when we were getting some new snow.

The chickens don't get out much anymore. We force them out for fresh air when we can, but most of the time they huddle together in their down comforter feathers.

Ivar LOVES making sugar cookies. And really, who doesn't. I can't help myself with that dough and ended up with a tummy ache. It's a crappy feeling when, as an adult, you give yourself a tummy ache by eating too much cookie dough. It's like a double insult: I feel gross and I should know better.

When I returned from putting Elsie to bed I found a few additions had been made to the counter. Ivar played with the dough until it was his bedtime, and then that cookie dough was thrown away.

Since Thanksgiving Rory has been determined to make a turkey. He thawed it for days, soaked it in a brine overnight and people, I usually do not like turkey, but I loved that bird. Something about that brine. I made stuffing, Rory roasted some vegetables, we opened a can of cranberries and we ate like kings on a low-key Sunday night.

The turkey that changed my thoughts on turkey.

Ivar has gotten creative in keeping Elsie away. Here he made a barricade and played happily with his train while she watched from the outside. And you know, I found it to be very smart. Some days I encourage sharing and togetherness, but other days I see a sibling barricade as a wise idea that leads to peace.

But honestly, who wouldn't want to play with this girl?!!

all in a good day's work...

Rory has gone to work in his office-in-the-woods every day this cold winter. His little wood burning stove has been working great.

Which means each morning we watch Daddy walk to work, across the snow, with his hot coffee in one hand and five gallon bucket of wood in the other, laptop strapped around his shoulders. We know the day is especially cold when he comes in at lunch and cuts more wood with the circular saw.

family bloopers

Oh man. We got a CD in the mail today full of glorious family pictures taken on our farm. We have hundreds to pick from and they are awesome. Jaime Rau came and worked her magic with our family and she. is. magic. I can't wait to share more pictures here...from Ivar pulling a wagon of pumpkins, to colorful quilts under big oak trees. They're awesome.

But with hundreds of stunning pictures to choose from, my favorite pictures, the ones I keep returning to, are the pictures Jaime put in a file of bloopers. Because they feel the most true to our life. We live bloopers every day. Some of us try really hard each day to keep up appearances, but not everyone is cooperative. Though dressed adorably, they've got their finger up their nose.

But this is our every day. A mom moves about each day trying to make sure life runs smoothly because this is our job. But life doesn't run smoothly because kids by their very definition ensure life stops running smoothly. A fact that makes these blooper pictures feel so strangely affirming. I love them. I love the picture perfect ones too, but I really love the bloopers.

An awesome shift has happened in me over the past two months. It's a shift I've been praying would happen for a very long time. I couldn't force it. I wasn't able to bring the change in myself. And I don't know how to describe it much more than I feel like I'm back. Something changed so that I've started dreaming up projects again and things I want to accomplish. And then I've been getting things done. It's like I have room to be creative again and have my imagination back.

I have found a sincere joy for the season of motherhood I am smack in the middle of. It was really hard there for a while. There still are really hard moments. But my kids are good company. I love being with them. I'm better at getting away so I can come back home. I am not as resentful toward the daily tasks, and even more importantly, I am way more graceful in the way I treat myself and how I am measuring up to my intense personal expectations. I'm trying to measure my life less on how my life looks, and more on how my life feels. And my life is feeling fun.

These bloopers mean so much to me because these are the true pictures of our imperfect, multiple-chins, beautiful life.

(And just to keep it totally real, just a few minutes after this picture of me and Elsie was taken, she started throwing up with a violent case of the 12 hour stomach flu that then morphed into Hand, Foot and Mouth disease. Which would explain her not-super-smiley mood during the photo shoot. Now that's real life.)

Dear Elsie, almost 17 months

Dear Elsie,
You are almost 17 months old. That is amazing and awesome. You are so full of life, so full of passion and so determined. Not a day goes by when your daddy and I don't comment, "She's really fun" or "She's so sweet, isn't she?" You amaze us and surprise us.

I'm not sure what we were expecting...probably another little Ivar. But you are completely your own and I love getting to know you.

You are messy. Food ends up everywhere on you and you don't seem to mind. But this pairs well with your love of baths. You also have a real joy for toothbrushes. Most of the day you will have a tooth brush in your mouth or in your hand. If anyone is in the bathroom, you come begging. Your stocking this year will be full of tooth brushes, and I can't wait to see your reaction.

You don't let me put you down until you are ready. Your little legs clench my waist and if I dare peel you off of me you let me have it. Your scream is angry and your feelings are so sad. There's a real hint of drama in you, Elsie. I'm sure we'll see more of that as the years go on.

You have just a few words: Baba, Mama, Dada, Lolo (lotion, for your itchy, sensitive skin), Daydo Daydo (kitty, chicken, animal...) and my personal favorite: Crakah (which can either mean cracker and tractor).

Going outside is your very favorite thing to do. You get very excited when we start to bundle up and helpfully bring your shoes and jacket to me. Once outside you visit the cats and talk and laugh with them, and then visit the chickens. Even in this terrible cold you insist on being outside and protest with sadness when it is time to come back inside.

You love your brother, and lately have been taking the lead in finding things to do. He watches you, and no matter what you are playing with, you make it look fun. So he wants it too. You are the one who pulled out all of the canned goods to play with. You are the one who figured out how to climb onto the kitchen table with no assistance.You are the one who waddled into the living room with the bread knife you found in the open dishwasher. You have no trouble finding things to do...

When you wake up in the morning we will hear you jumping in your crib, hanging onto the crib you jump as high as you can. And it is impressively high. Eventually you tucker out and start to call for us. But listening to your squeaky mattress crib aerobics in the baby monitor makes us laugh every time.

We love you so much, Elsie. Love your smile. Love your spirit. Love your strong sense of self.
I am so glad you are mine.
Love,
Mama

baby shepherds of the star!

Ivar keeps our days full of giggles. And I make a serious effort to grab a pen to get the words down exactly as they were said...because you can't make this stuff up.

My personal favorite as of late was while he was playing the the fabric nativity people that velcro onto our advent calendar. He said,  "Baby shepherds of the star! Don't talk grumpy! Okay. That's better. That's nice."

Ivar was making up silly nonsense words to the song Let it Snow.
I said, "That is super funny."
Ivar replied, "It certainly is."

While he was telling me something he snorted involuntarily. It was like he inhaled too quick and it really surprised him. He said, "Did you hear that sound? That was in my butt hole that is way back in my mouth!" And he pointed between his upper lip and nose.

Ivar wanted a watermelon when we were at Alde and we discussed foods that are out of season. This morning while eating breakfast he commented, "We haven't had rice krispies in a long time!" He ate for a while and then added, "That's nice it's rice krispies' season."

(This picture above stopped me in my tracks. He looks so old. I felt like I caught a glimpse of who this boy will be in a few years. The picture on top is still more "true" to who I see every day...but something about the expression in this second shot made me remember this boy is growing every single day!)