february reflections/ postpartum and naming my fears

I actually have felt myself growing this month. I feel wide open, aware of my weaknesses and am able to look right at them. Aware of my fears. Able to name them. It's not often I have this sort of clarity, so I am counting this as a blessing, though it is a vulnerable place to land.

I chose this picture to put with this post because I want my kids to forever see me growing and becoming the woman God made me to be. I want them to see me treat myself kindly, listen for God's leading and not afraid to be vulnerable and tender.

February Reflections:
A Humbling: Without going into all of the details I have been humbled this month like I have never been humbled before. In a task that I felt fully confident and empowered to lead, I think I may have missed the mark. And this has left me with my head bowed, my heart softened and my ego deflated.

God's Will: I have a dear friend who has lost three babies. I heard a story of three sisters in a fatal accident that knocked the wind out of me. I have a friend who just had her ultrasound and was told the very thing a mom and a dad hope never to hear. It has left me in a place where I wonder why some live to 98 and others will never take a breath out of the womb. But I've been reading my Bible and finding comfort. And that feels good. And better than good, it feels loving. I always feel so loved when God continues to teach me. Through Job and Isaiah, Matthew and Paul I am learning much.

Postpartum: I looked up symptoms and signs of Postpartum Depression. I found one very helpful site that listed six surprising symptoms. Anger and Irritability was number one. Trouble falling asleep and going back to sleep was number two. I've had these symptoms in spades and I took some comfort just knowing there really are intense hormones at play in my body. I also think this has been a long winter and that moving to a new home has played into my daily outlook, but I also think postpartum is real and I've been affected.*

Hard on myself: I think this is a result of the above, but I have been terrible to myself. I come home from gatherings and replay every stupid thing I said. I beat myself up for having talked too much. I replay conversations and feel guilty for having missed obvious topics that deserved a quality follow up question. It's ridiculous. I can write about this today because I had a nice day of good conversations. But I have spent far too many evenings laying in bed wishing I had acted differently, reacted differently, said something or not said something. It's exhausting. And it is time to start accepting myself, foot in mouth and all.

And so this is where I begin the month of March. I have a few goals for this new month:
1. Be nicer to myself
2. Keep reading my Bible
3. Pray and Meditate
4. Get outside for walks, take my multivitamin, buy more daffodils and tulips, drink lots of fresh squeezed citrus juice and play more music

March should be good. It's my birthday month, afterall!

bring on springtime

I bought these lovely flowers at Cub Foods last Thursday night as my own personal reminder that springtime will come. Last week was really cold and we were going a little crazy in this house. So on Thursday night we went to one of the hotels in town and paid five dollars a person to swim and hot tub for the night. It was money very well spent and felt like a little mini vacation.

And then I came home and made my favorite treat as of late: super pulpy grapefruit and orange juice. I got a little hand squeezer thing for a few bucks and love it so much.

We had the place to ourselves and the pool was warm as a bath. Ivar wasn't interested in getting in though. And we didn't push it. Elsie was in a great mood (I even brought her exersaucer so she could be self contained and happy) and Rory and I sat in the hot tub until I felt hot. What a great feeling!

Pinterest Fail and Prevail/ Microwave Cleaning

I'm in a season of Pinterest addiction. It's sort of my unwind time. My get-my-mind-on-other-things time. I would consider the amount of time I spend browsing to be my FAIL if I wasn't finding such handy little ideas...

Like a post about microwave cleaning. PREVAIL!

You're looking at my microwave above, after the wipe down.  I am not going to be showing you the before picture because I have my pride, you know. But it was bad. Really bad.

I put a cup of hot water and a cup of white vinegar in this pyrex, set the cook time for 10 minutes and watched the water and vinegar boil and steam the whole microwave. Then I took a towel and wiped the baby down and everything came off like some glorious infomercial. It was so easy! (and boiling hot...be careful!)

Click here for more clever household helps.

home tour: little house on the grovestead

Oh goodness. A while back I said I would do a home tour. And I've heard from a few friends saying they've been waiting for that post.

This is a good blogging lesson. Never announce you're going to do a post like this before you get it put together. Because it sort of turns the post into uninspired homework. Like I assigned work to myself. Gross. But because I'm a great student, I will follow through. E for Effort.

A few things before we begin the home tour:
1. I'm trying not to post any pics of the outside of our house.
2. I'm not a stellar photographer.
3. When we first moved in, we got a few things on the walls, bought some curtains and then I ran out of steam in the decorating. And I haven't touched a thing in months. I have hopes and dreams to bedazzle it up a bit, but for now, the downstairs is pretty empty (though full of toys).

We'll begin with our bedroom. It's the smallest in the house, and is the walk through to the nursery. It fits our bed and a hemnes secretary desk and two dressers. It is tight. And when it's not picked up, if feels quite cozy. But it works. That heart on the wall is a favorite. It reads: Together is such a nice place to be. And it is.

We make our bedroom work because we wanted Ivar to have the big room so that it could double as the playroom. Eventually he'll be joined by siblings and there is plenty of room for that. I love Ivar's room. In the afternoon it is full of sunshine and we spend a lot of time playing on the carpet.

Elsie's room can be seen here. But I did want to point out that Elsie's window is the best one to watch the garbage man every Tuesday morning, a highlight of our day, and sometimes our week.

When we first saw this house I was thrilled about all of the carpet and the side by side living rooms. In the day of hard wood floors, this is sort of funny to admit. But I love our carpet so much.

The staircase is the only woodwork original to the house. It is beautiful. The railing is super short...like really super short, but it is perfect for Ivar. And notice the door at the bottom of the stairs. That door at the bottom of the stairs used to be the front door to the house, but the lane was moved when this farmland was subdivided, and then the garage was built on the backside of the house, which is now the front side. Confused? So are we. We have real troubles saying, "in the backyard" or "in the front yard" It's not so clear with our house...

Lately when I am in this room I believe I can hear the walls saying, "paint me! paint me!" So we'll add that to the list of when-the-spirit-moves projects.

Pictured below is sort of a second living room. We think it might have been where the original kitchen was, before the addition. We first used it to house Rory's office, then it held our Christmas tree. Now I use it as a crafting space, but we are super excited to be adding a huge picture window to this room (on the couch side) and front door to our house. Currently everyone enters through our garage. Even the UPS guy. Even the Jehovah's Witness.

There are a few pictures of the kitchen here from the day my aunts came to visit. And this post is omitting the bathrooms and the laundry room because, well, they're what you'd expect.

This concludes the home tour. I appreciate it when bloggers I follow let me into their home...sort of helps set the setting for all of their storytelling. But if you thought this totally self indulgent and weird, it probably was that too.

Have a happy Monday. :)

happy weekending

We are getting some good snow here today. Planning to lay low. And go to a fish fry for supper!
Happy Weekend!