crabby mom

Yesterday I was told by my oldest that I am crabby all the time. I protested that I'm not crabby all the time though I am probably crabby once a day. And that often I have a good reason to be crabby, like crabby kids that make me feel crabby.  But my boy insisted I am crabby all the time.

And man it hurt my feelings. I have three clients that I serve each day (four if you count the one growing inside of me, but I'm basically perfect for that client if I stay hydrated and take my prenatal vitamin daily). I'm with these three all day and it's all I do. I don't get strokes anywhere else so to hear that I'm crabby at the one thing that I do really stung.

Later in the day I cried about it, recognizing in my head that I'm hyper-hormonal right now. And also recognizing that what he is saying isn't 100% true. Just like 10% true. 

But then today something happened. My sister was coming over with her girls and my house has exploded with added Christmas possessions and we needed to clean before they arrived. I worked on the kitchen, laundry, living rooms and then told the kids we were going to go hit their room. And there was groaning and complaining all the way up the long, long flight of stairs up to their room that they crawled up, like fish against a mighty current. 

When we finally made it into their room I asked Elsie to "pick up every piece of clothing on the floor and put it in this laundry basket." And she looked at me like I had just started speaking Swahili. My request was so strange to her. She actually said, "I don't get it." Slowing down my Swahili, making certain I was speaking in English, I said it a different way while demonstrating what to do. Meanwhile I told Ivar he needed to put every piece of paper on the floor up on his desk. This was asking too much. His desk had no room for papers he told me. I told him that was why it is nice that papers can stack on top of each other, or fit nicely in his vertical file.

And then the words came at me again, "Mom. You're so crabby."

Aha. There it was. My crabbiness comes out when the people I love and serve become helpless sloths. And it's true. I'm totally crabby about it.

So I left their bedroom as they both started playing with toys that were neither clothing in a basket or papers on a desk, and went to complain to management. I mean, Rory. And he looked at me so perplexed. "Becca. Most kings are hated by their people. But they still have to rule. It's still their job. And it doesn't matter if people love them or hate them, they're still in charge. You're the king. Tell them what to do. They won't like you. But no kid likes being told to do chores. You have to take your emotions out of this. And yesterday when Ivar was saying you were a crabby mom I was thinking, "son, you have no idea how good you've got it."

His pep talk worked. I did sort of shake out of it. And was able to see clearly that my crabbiness is in direct relation to feeling unheard and disobeyed. But they are kids. And I am the king. Though we all know I'm not actually their king. More importantly, I am their mom. And they are my kids, not my subjects and definitely not my clients. I'm not actually working for their approval or grade or quarterly review or anything. I'm called to raise them, and part of that gig includes instilling some sort of work ethic. And if I am not well received during that teaching time then it's okay. It's still the parent's job whether the kids like it or not. 

I have a feeling this is a universal mothering conundrum. Just wanted to share my two cents.

Sincerely, a recovering-people-pleaser-easily-guilted-sometimes-crabby-but-often-cheerful-and-don't-forget-joyful-mom

merry christmas!

I brought the camera to church tonight with hopes of getting a good picture of my kids all gussied up and I got one! (And some bloopers too.)
I hope you have a very Merry Christmas. Our kids were asleep tonight at 7, completely wiped out from family festivities and general excitement that has led to exhaustion. We begged them to sleep in tomorrow explaining that there is plenty of time to open their presents but I have a feeling I had better head to bed myself. Christmas is a lot of work for the mama's. I'm reminded of that again tonight. But it's good to be the magic maker. Merry Christmas!

snow quinzee

Yesterday Elsie came inside after about an hour of playing out with Ivar in the snow. I got her settled with hot chocolate and Ivar came in to tell me, "it's no fun with no one out there. will you come out mom?" Hattie was sleeping, I had been reading, but he was sweet enough that I decided to gear up. We went out and dug a tunnel in one snow bank and then a snow quinzee in this snow bank.

He was in awe with my shovel skills and I got to tell him about the week I went winter camping in the boundary waters for a winter survival class during my senior year of high school. Each night we slept in a snow qunizee or a tarp shelter. And as I told him my stories I was amazed at myself. We dug out the scrapbook I had made from that adventure and every picture was incredible to me. That was some hard core living. I was tough. Now I'm glad for my cozy house.

But now there is a little boy in our house who is DYING to sleep outside in a snow quinzee this winter. I suppose it would likely only last a few minutes, but I have a feeling this just might happen this year. At least his mom has a dream to build the thing, whether we sleep there or not...

this and that

+ The Peanut Butter Boys were trying to take a nap, but Hattie did not respect their wishes.

+ Well, I got the flu again this week. Thankfully I was the only one who got it, which makes us wonder if it was pregnancy stuff, but it's hard to say. Either way it was 48 hours of terrible. Which means that in the month of December, I've had the flu twice! And I got the vaccine this year! So I'm done. Influenza, back off.

+ I have made a list of what I wanted to get people for Christmas all month long. I feel pretty organized on paper. We are doing a whole lot of DIY projects, but there are books and a few gifts I need to order. So last night I got on Amazon Prime to pound out my list of things to order and EVERYTHING was out of stock! I didn't know this was possible! Each book, each funny gift, each and every thing... out of stock. I told Rory, "I put my trust in Amazon, and that was a big mistake."

+ Ivar is reading and it is so fun. To have a new reader means every sign is being sounded out, each package and container, even a coat at church was hanging up and he said, "It says Gary on it! Do you think it's Gary's?!!" Probably, I told him. At lunch he was reading the cottage cheese, "Ollllddd Hoomme. Mom! Don't eat it! It says it's old!"

+ It's brutal cold today. Last night had a forecast windchill of -39. I don't know if it got that cold, but does it really matter if it got that cold?  (Quick shout out for Electric Blankets. If you don't have one, you need to consider how a warm bed might change your life. Christmas is still coming...) I was amused at church today because everyone was wearing their "We mean Business" hats. I've never seen so many huge hats with fur and ear covers and chin buckles and thick knit pom poms. Usually these hats are kept at home for snow blowing and shoveling, but not today. And I laughed out loud when I walked through our lobby after the service because every hat screamed, "I'm going to survive this."

+ While recovering from the flu I started to feel terrible about the lack of cookies, and basically anything Christmas-y in our house. I even postponed Santa Lucia day until I could participate. So on Tuesday I texted Rory, "can you grab a christmas tree on your way home?"  He walked in the door and said, "Well, I got one. And it was fifteen bucks." I laughed and held my breath as he chain sawed the bottom before I could see the Charlie Brown tree about to enter our Christmas. But you know, it is darling. I love this tree. the kids made ornaments before I could get the real ones from the garage and I really love it. Plus I felt really good about rescuing this tree from the cold outdoors and giving it a warm home in a room with a fire place. It's a cozy tree.

+ I asked Rory recently if he ever gets tired of morning and evening chores. He has four sheep and two goats and three cats and 13 chickens to care for each day, and this is brutal weather. He said, "Oh no. I love our animals so much, I'm ready to check on them when it's time." And this week he's been checking on them in the afternoons too. He's a good farmer and our animals are well cared for.

2016 Christmas Card

My dad has this thing about Christmas card pictures. He wants the picture close up and cropped so he can see the actual kid, how they've grown. His pet-peeve is pictures that are too zoomed out. "I want to see your family! Not the whole lake!" he'll say. So I tried to crop this picture that we took on Thanksgiving, with Dad in mind. But when Rory saw it he said, "but it's so fun to see how tall the kids have grown." So we have a zoomed out picture. Sorry Dad.

We went with Tiny Prints again this year because they are awesome and generous and simply want me to help them spread the word about their gorgeous cards. I'm happy to do so. Christmas cards have been flooding our mailbox this month and I love it so much. There is no other time of the year when we get such fun mail! And I still believe that a card sent in January or February is perfectly welcome. In fact, they probably get a bit more attention. Rory and I sent out valentine-christmas cards one year. And I'm still glad we did.

So if you're looking to join in the fun mail train, you can click over to this link at Tiny Prints to see what deals, specials and beautiful cards they are offering this year. Super awesome: EVERYTHING is up to 40% off thru December 15th (the end of the day!)

And this year I ordered a self-inking return address stamp!I love it so, so much! I'd show it, except that it's our home address. Ha! But you can see all those options right here.

This is my third collaboration with Tiny Prints and I really do love their products. Remember my Christmas Light Thank You's? It's still in my top 5 of most hilarious awkward moments.