the gender of our baby-to-be

When the ultrasound technician came and got us from the lobby she asked, “and do you want to know the gender of the baby today?” And I replied a very honest, “Well, I want to know the gender. But we’re not going to find out. We’re going to wait and be surprised.”

This had been the plan since the very beginning. Ivar was a most joyous surprise and there isn’t really any reason why we have to know this news 20 weeks ahead of time. I guess we’re just old fashioned.

However. Waiting to find out with Ivar was way easier. This pregnancy I have been curious from day one. While holding my head over the toilet day after day, I had become quite certain there must be a little girl in there. This pregnancy has been so different from my pregnancy that brought a baby boy. But since then I have heard unending stories of mom’s who say they were positive they were having one gender and then had the other. Which means surely I’m having a boy.

And this has put be back at square one: turns out, I don’t have a clue if I’ve got a little girl in there, or a brother for Ivar.

But an amazing thing happened at the ultrasound. She squirted the warm jelly all over my tummy, and a baby showed up on the screen. And then she turned the camera to 3D (or is it 4D? It's the sepia looking picture with a very real flesh and bones baby on the screen) and I saw a tiny nose and lips, a whole face and a hand up on a forehead. I was looking at my baby.

I began to cry and couldn’t see the screen.

It was the exact same overwhelmingly joyous feeling I had when they lay Ivar on my chest and announced, “It’s a boy!” I swear to you no matter what I had just birthed, I loved deeper and more fully than I had known love before. They could have said, "It's a monkey!" and I would have felt the same joy.
Because that monkey was mine.

I saw that tiny face and the gender question became the silliest question in the world. I don’t know if it’s a girl or a boy…I just want that one. That one that is mine.

I cried after the appointment too. I think I was carrying more fear about the well being of this baby than I had realized. Plus, the whole experience made this pregnancy feel suddenly very real. I have been so distracted with this one. Life hasn’t stopped to process the change that is ahead. But as my heart gushed open when I saw that little face I think I started to comprehend that I have another child on the way who I will love just as fiercely as I love Ivar. That is a powerful thought unto itself.

Rory took me out for cream cheese puffs afterwards and I cried some more big tears in Leeann Chin as we talked about the reality of two kids, the excitement of siblings, and our growing family with all that is ahead. It all became very real today.

we get to see someone very special today...

We don't know who this little bundle is yet. I've been told that this week (21 weeks) this little life is 10 inches long and not even quite a pound. This baby likes to kick and move. I love having this life inside of me. I love feeling the life inside of me.

And I'm so glad that I'm not growing a carrot. How awkward is this picture?!! Today I will get to see a nose and toes and tiny fingers and a chest with a beating heart. We can't wait.

snapshots from our weekend

...in words

Rory began his fight against the squirrels who climb up the skinny metal pole to our bird feeder. He began by smearing cooking oil up and down the pole which was short-term successful. But not as successful as his later discovery: vaseline. It was a great weekend of "get over here! they look like little firemen sliding back down their fire pole!" Rory won the battle. And so did the birds.

While clearing the table, Pandora played Cats in the Cradle. Suddenly I heard the words. This was weird, because I could belt that chorus with the best of them on any road trip. But I'd never listened to the verses. And when I did, I got so sad. Like I had to sit down and have a good cry. Rory couldn't believe I had never heard the lyrics before. But I heard them this time and had a very pregnant moment.

Rory took Ivar and I to our first army surplus show. It was a sight. I believe we were the "preppiest family" in the bunch. No one else brought a stroller and a baby and a pregnant wife. But it was pretty awesome. All sorts of artifacts from different wars, good storytellers selling their goods...and lots of awkward conversationalists too. We celebrated our first gun show by going out for shamrock shakes. It was a good family day.

We made Chicken noodle soup from chicken stock we had made ourselves. How amazing is that?!! It was so delicious. Barefoot Contessa is always talking about how easy it is to make your own chicken broth, so Rory gave it a whirl last weekend and made the soup this weekend. Totally worth it, totally not that hard, and so good.

We unplug our tv the first seven days of every month. As a result, I read lots of books from the first to the seventh. On Saturday I finished Little House in the Big Woods. I got it for my niece Mara for Christmas, and then she let me borrow it back. That was nice of her. Now I'm reading Jayber Crow by Wendell Berry and can't go to bed at night! I am so sucked into this story!

I began taking a bath every night. It's heaven. I bring my book and enjoy some quiet time a the end of the day. I always debate if I should fill the tub, and then once I get in I wonder why I wouldn't do this every free moment of my life?!!

so much to love

I was in the kitchen unloading the dishwasher when I heard the cat begin to meow loudly in the livingroom. Then Ivar started repeating over and over, "uh oh. uh oh." And when I rounded the corner I found him shaking his bottle up and down, while continuing to repeat uh oh. The cat was also wet with milk. Ivar looks guilty, doesn't he?

Ivar at 16 months. So much to love.

Dear Ivar,
I love that you shake your finger the whole time we read Five Little Monkey’s. You love it when the doctor says, “No more monkeys jumping on the bed!” It's especially funny that you use your middle finger. We'll teach you why that is culturally inappropriate later.

I love how you know two signs: all done and birdie. You love how effective "all done" is. When you’re finished eating you flail your arms around and we hop up, wipe you down and free you to your toys. You are proud that you can tell us what you want. We are relieved.

I love that you use Mama and Dadda interchangeably. It is obvious one name is not connected to either one of us in particular, but you use these names with affection and have learned, I am sure, that either one of us will drop what we’re doing to see what you need.

Your words are growing every day. You love pointing out your nose and teeth and ears. You love making animal sounds, “neigh, bow wow, and moo” are the current favorites.

You’ve been sick this week, and we snuggled so much. Oh I wish you would snuggle more often! It is so wonderful to have your head on my chest. But if you’re feeling better, you are much too busy than to cuddle your mom.

We love you baby boy.

diy cell phone thingy

While at the home organization night at church, I was introduced to the contraption they now sell to hold your cell phone while charging so that phone and cord don't have to rest on your counter top. I loved it. And then I was tipped off to the diy tutorials out there for making your own.

So I took a stab.

It's handy. I like it a lot for how it functions. It's made out of a baby shampoo bottle that we just happened to finish off this week. I hung it on some hooks above the outlet because I hope to make one for Rory's phone too, and this way they'll both fit up there.

I don't like how the fabric I used turned all dirty looking with the modge podge. And I really wish I had followed the directions on the tutorial. I took some creative liberty to use random pieces of fabric and that's great, but I'll probably go back and make another with just one fabric, a brighter pattern and no fabric on the inside.

However, one addition I did make that I find to be genius was cutting a hole in the side where the cord can sneak in. I twistie tied up the cord and smooshed it in the bottom. This hides the cord inside the holder so the cord is hidden all the time.