mama wisdom day 5: annika

Annika is my big sister, and we talk every single day. Sometimes I wonder if her husband really likes me as much as he seems to...because at some point you must get sick of handing the phone off and saying, "it's your sister."

We shared a bedroom for part of our childhood, a longer room with two single box springs and mattresses on each side. I slept by the door and she slept on the far wall. And it seemed so far apart. For a while I had jump ropes tied together and tucked into our mattresses, telling her, "if I shake this rope, I need help" Honestly, I think there were 12 feet (edited...annika just called to say, "I really think it was only six feet...") between our beds. But it felt way too far for me.

Well, now she lives in Montana, and that is WAY TOO FAR FOR ME. I'd give anything to be two jump ropes away from her. We had a dreamy season two years ago when Rory and I lived at the same camp she and her family lived. We spent every day together, shared most meals and I felt like I was in some blissful tv show, where I could just drop in, or she and her girls would just drop by for surprise visits.

She's got two girls and a babe on the way. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Annika Larson.


1. How would you describe your mothering style?
My mothering style could be described as nurturing, interactive, and I hope my kids would say 'fun'!

2. What resources or who in your life was/is the most helpful in giving sound parenting advice?
Other mothers, but especially my mom. Although, mom is not one to give advice. Rather she encourages me in what I'm already doing and gives me confidence that way. If I have a question about a tricky situation with my kids, she will offer her feedback when asked for it. My peers who are mothers are also a great resource and I've appreciated sharing this wild role with other moms.

3. Was there a specific part of mothering that challenged you and your confidence in being a mom?
It can be challenging to be a first-time mom, especially those first few days, weeks and months. You really have to trust your mothering instincts and trust that you know your child best of all, because you do.

4. What is your favorite part of being a mama?
It is a joy to get to experience life through the eyes of a child and be reminded of my own child-like self. The things a two year old learns or something new that a four year old discovers for the first time is wonderful to behold. I am proud of Mara and Sonna and so grateful to have this amazing opportunity to raise them and do my best to help them be the loving, joy-filled little girls that they are.

5. Do you have a favorite story or quote from one of your kids?
What comes to mind today is hearing Sonna (almost 3) say, "Come on, sis!" or call out "Sister". I am so thankful that Mara and Sonna love each other so much and are good friends. That makes a mom's heart proud and grateful.

6. If you were to go back, and start your season of mothering all over again, what would you tell yourself?
One day when I was feeling quite unorganized and the house was a mess, Jedd's mom, Joan, said "I really wish I would have been okay with a messy house. Children are supposed to play and play is messy. I wish I would have let the house go and be okay with it more". That was good for me to hear. I used to have a clean house and be very organized and I've really had to let a lot of that go and be comfortable with it. Motherhood will change you like that. At the end of the day, I know my kids have had fun and been enriched by play-doh play, water coloring, board games, playing house, dress-up, or whatever. I also strive to help them learn how to clean up after themselves but as far as I can tell, this is more of a process than an event! Jedd's mom gave me a plaque that says: Cleaning and scrubbing can wait til tomorrow . . . for babies grow up we've learned to our sorrow . . . so quiet down cobwebs . . . dust go to sleep . . . I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep. I keep it in the laundry room in our hallway. It's probably time I pass it on to Sara.

7. Anything else you would tell a first time, soon-to-be mom?
Accept any offers for help from people, especially things like meals, grocery shopping, house cleaning. It is a time that all mothers can relate to and women want to reach out and help nurture a new mom. And if you feel comfortable with other people holding your new baby, let them. There's nothing like holding new life and I think it makes for a well-adjusted baby to be passed around a bit. At least that's been our experience both in our church community and camp community.

mama wisdom day 4: mom groves

There are jokes unending about mothers-in-law. And I have enough girlfriends to know that for some reason, this mother/daughter-in-law relationship can be a serious struggle. But somehow, I ended up with the greatest mother-in-law and have never been able to join in these jokes and stories. Marlene had 16 years with Lisa and 10 with Sara before I came on the scene, so sometimes I wonder if they hadn't just worked all the kinks out before I showed up. But whatever the reason, I have loved and respected this woman since...well, even before I met Rory, I knew her!

I remember there was a period in Rory and my dating that we probably were going to break up. At least, I thought we needed to take some time apart, and I needed to figure out if this was the guy I was really going to spend my life with. But you know what? I couldn't do it to Marlene. I knew if I broke up with Rory we would end up getting back together again (I know...don't look for the logic) But I didn't want Marlene to think I was a flake.

She loves her boys with an unending love and devotion and has some fantastic words to share. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you, Marlene.

How would you describe your mothering style?
First of all, I was born to be a Mom! My greatest joy in life was raising those children! It's been a long time now, though, and my 3 sons have grown into wonderful young men!! My style? Madison says it was "attentive". I would say I tried to be "fair, firm and friendly". (A lot of FIRM with 3 boys!). And, "consistency, consistency, consistency"!

What resources or who in your life was the most helpful in giving sound parenting advice?
Madison, my husband, was my first and best resource. We were very much in agreement in how to train, discipline and guide our children as they grew which, I believe, is a huge factor in child rearing. Our priority was that they grow up to serve the Lord. Everything else was less important than that. There were several excellent Christian books that I used - Bringing Up Boys, Hide Or Seek and The Strong Willed Child were favorites.

Was there a specific part of mothering that challenged you and your confidence in being a mom?
BOYS were my challenge! I never expected to have boys! And, I loved every stage of their lives as they grew up!! What is your favorite part of being a mama?
Today my favorite part of being a mother is seeing my sons as responsible young men, married, having careers, contributing to society and actively leading their families spiritually as they model loving and living for the Lord.

Do you have a favorite story or quote from one of your kids?
One favorite story?? You're kidding, right?!

If you were to go back, and start your season of mothering all over again, what would you tell yourself?
If I were to start my season of mothering over again I would still do as my Mom told me many years ago, "You only get one chance to raise your children so do your very best. You don't want to have regrets."

Anything else you would tell a first time, soon-to-be mom?
What would I tell you? Probably what everyone else says, Enjoy! Enjoy! Enjoy! It goes by so quickly!

mama wisdom day 3: lisa

Ladies and gentlemen, I bring you Lisa Groves. Lisa is married to Kyle, Rory's oldest brother. She is non-stop energy and always a good time. There are few things in the world more entertaining to me than just sitting at her kitchen counter and watching her world whiz by as they grab snacks, bring over friends, and run out the door to every activity imaginable. Their entire family is involved in everything at school and at church and to watch her manage it all, feed them all and organize it all is a feat to behold.

How would you describe your mothering style?
Oh it’s stylish alright. I’d say I am more of the shabby sheik style of mothering. Some days the lunches are made, the homework is all checked and everyone goes to bed with a smile.Then there is the shabby part of mothering: Too late to see them out the door in the morning, I forgot to bring them to their own volleyball game and dinner… oh yeah, its 8 did we eat?

What resources or who in your life was/is the most helpful in giving sound parenting advice?
There were a couple of women at church I was drawn to glean some tips. I would watch their mother/daughter or son relationship as they were young and then thru the teenage years and thought, “Man, does she have it down!’ Ha, perception is not always reality I learned! These moms would listen to me as I cried in the Sam’s Club parking lot not knowing which direction to go next. Thank the Lord for cell phones. Help was always around.

Was there a specific part of mothering that challenged you and your confidence in being a mom?
All parts. To bring them to the doctor or not. Let them shave at 12 or 14. Private or public school.. This movie or that movie. At every age there will come new challenges and you have to stop and pray at each crossroad.

What is your favorite part of being a mama?
When I see an authentic glimpse of heartfelt compassion in their lives.

Do you have a favorite story or quote from one of your kids?
Jack was 3 and running a race for a Halloween Boo Bash dressed as a Skeleton. He was too excited. The gun goes off and there he’s off. He’s pounding the competition. We run alongside videotaping. He screams, Hey Daddy, I’m in FIRST!!!!! “That’s awesome we yell back as thoughts of the Olympic Track and Field competition flash across our eyes. Then he yells, “Hey Look I’m in Second!!” Yes we encouraged as we look at his huge smile and white painted Skeleton bones I painted on his black sweat suit outfit!A couple yards left to go…”Hey Mom Dad, I’m in third!” Go Jack Go we yell back…He came in dead last.

If you were to go back, and start your season of mothering all over again, what would you tell yourself?
Is this worth a battle?

Anything else you would tell a first time, soon-to-be mom?
Be kind to your children.

mama wisdom day 2: stephanie

Stephanie is my brother's wife, and is a lawyer and mama out in Seattle. She has three beautiful and amazing kids: Claire, Simon and Penny. Stephanie knows a lot. I email her with my preggers questions, and she ALWAYS replies right away, with thorough, helpful, supportive answers. I sincerely believe she should either start her own, or team up with a mom-advice website...she's got a lot of good things to say and to share.

Stephanie and Penny. This picture looks like I used a fancy photoshop blur effect, but really my camera had just been sledding, and then was foggy when I came inside. Sort of cool though...

How would you describe your mothering style?
Free range, vaguely strict about behavior compared to my friends (but I live in hippy dippy Seattle, so being relatively strict here is like being in a relatively warm snowstorm. Still chilly.). I worry much more about the certain harms of raising children in a bubble than the minute risks of tabloid tragedies. I think kids can do a lot more than people give them credit for. Coincidentally, we have a lot more fun this way.

What resources or who in your life was/is the most helpful in giving sound parenting advice?
Books, in the trenches parenting friends. We got into a new parent group early on, and it was wonderful. We still vacation with some of those people. I love them a lot.

Was there a specific part of mothering that challenged you and your confidence in being a mom?
Not really. I guess I think we're pretty good at this so far? Dealing with Claire Helen's school this year has been tough. Oh, and pregnancy, actually. It was really hard for me to believe I would be good at mothering since I'm so bad at pregnancy. Luckily the two are not actually related, and the babies never cared whether I had enjoyed housing them in my uterus or not.

What is your favorite part of being a mama?
I really love a lot of it! I love seeing the big ones in bed reading under the covers with their reading lights. That might be my number one favorite sight in the world, and I get to see it every night. I love watching them with their friends. I love answering their questions, especially about science and literature and politics. I love watching Penny tune in to the rituals and routines of our family. I love how close Simon and Claire Helen are, and wait eagerly for Penny to join the fray. I love backpacking as a family. Closer to your end I always enjoyed how fully formed they were almost from the moment they came out. Claire Helen has always been introspective and loyal; Simon has always been gregarious and adventurous, and Penny has always been a ball of sunshine. Even at 3 weeks old, there's a real there there.

Do you have a favorite story or quote from one of your kids?
Becca, I have three children and have been mothering for nearly six years. I think by now I know not to pick favorites.

If you were to go back, and start your season of mothering all over again, what would you tell yourself?
"Look, I have a time machine!" I dunno. "You are right, this is going to be awesome"?

Anything else you would tell a first time, soon-to-be mom?
Oh, man, I'm full of pithy one offs of little to no practical value. Have more than one if you can; the sibling thing is cooler than I even imagined and keeps getting better. Stop breastfeeding if it sucks(ha!). It's better and all but not worth the angst. Try really, really hard to teach your kid early on that they are not the center of the universe(especially vis a vis other children). They want to believe they are, and you sort of do too, but that never ends well.

Talk more to Rory about how you will parent. Pregnancy and birth are going to happen no matter what you do, but you would be surprised how minor seeming differences in parenting philosophy can result in hours of negotiation in application(which usually has to happen at 2 am). There are a lot of ways to do this right, and not very many ways to screw it up.

Be willing to change your mind. Different kids need different things. If you are putting off changing a habit because you think it will be hard, go ahead and do it. It's not going to get easier. Don't get into power struggles you aren't committed to winning, and just don't get into very many period if you can help it. You can't make another person eat, sleep, or poop. The earlier you can get yourself out of those the better.

Having a baby radically upends a lot of your routines, but most of the logistical challenges are short lived. You will sleep again someday. You are not the only influence on your kids, and by the time they are 7 their peers affect their behavior as much as you do. Be aware of their community.

a sweet day.

Rory took me out for brunch after church. It was delicious. We enjoyed ourselves and talking about the year ahead and all that it will bring. Rory gave me two cards, one from him and one from the baby. And the one from the baby made me cry for a bit over my bacon and eggs.

The space inside of the flower is supposed to have a picture of your kid inserted. And all we know about our little life, is that at 14 weeks, it is the size of a lemon. So here is our kiddo, pictured for the first time. I can't tell you how much I love knowing that Rory found this lemon picture, resized it and printed it with highest quality on cardstock. Melts my heart.

And the inside of the card was signed by our pick for girl and boy names. (Sorry, we're not sharing our name picks yet. We've still got time to finalize those decisions...)

We came home from our feast and took at two hour nap together. When we woke up we laughed knowing that this is the last mothers day we'll be able to take a two hour nap together.