bottle this up

And here we are, on the first day of school. Ah! So let's relive a perfect summer day, shall we?!! Two Wednesdays ago , Marlene and Madison had my side of the family over for an afternoon and evening of boating, swimming, tubing and feasting.

It was so perfect. I was blissed out most of the time. I LOVE being on the water in the summertime and I LOVE playing with my kids on the lilypad. It was a glorious 79 degrees and I said many times, remember this moment! It will get us through March!

Alden was a bit zonked, but guess what? Because he missed his second nap this day he SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT. Alden has not been my star sleeper, and because of this day he is now getting one long nap a day and SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT. Last night was the first night I didn't get out of bed one time since he was born.

It was a wonderful day and left everyone sun-and-swimming-tired, the best kind of tired.

my name is becca and I am a farm wife.

Yesterday I was outside with Alden on my hip, wearing my Great Grandma Anders apron (Cathy, it's the one you and Chuckie bought for me at the auction at the Colorado family reunion...I wear it EVERY DAY) and was dumping a bucket of food scraps over the fence for the chickens.

I turned around and saw my neighbor's daughter running by. Her family is here from Boston for a summer vacation. She is in her final year of residency and was still flying at the end of her run, wearing a cute running outfit as she glided past. We waved and then I saw myself.

I was barefoot. With a baby on my hip. In an apron. Feeding chickens.

End Scene One.

Last night I stayed up late and made my third batch of soap. This time I made a peppermint scrub with ground oatmeal. I'm super pumped about it. And today I got up extra early to milk that goat again and do chores real quick before meeting girlfriends for breakfast. After breakfast my friend Kandi and I walked around our town's farmers market and saw tons of friends as well as a stand that is selling only goat milk soap. It was beautifully packaged, priced right and I excitedly talked to the woman selling, "don't you love it? Making soap is so addicting! I just made my third batch last night and I know I'm hooked. And milking the goat! Don't you just love your goat?!!" Her face went blank and confused, "I get my goats milk from a farmer...I'm busy enough with the soap that I can't milk a goat."  I shook my head encouragingly and told her how much I loved her booth. I really did. I was proud of her. And sincerely surprised that she sells goats milk soap and doesn't know the goats.

End Scene Two.

We are meeting friends for a picnic tomorrow at Lake Harriet and I began thinking through what we could bring.  So just hear this and then hear me out before you think I'm bragging. But by trying to use our own food and not spend an additional money I figured that I could bring the following without leaving the house: roast chicken, homemade potato salad, homemade dinner rolls, a jar of our pickles and a cake (a look in the pantry and I decided on tres leche cake). I happily put Great Grandma's apron back on and hit it for a whole afternoon in the kitchen.

And after I roasted the chicken, I pulled it apart for bbq sandwiches for the homemade dinner rolls (just got a bread machine at a garage sale for $3!) and put the carcass on the stove with celery, carrots and onion to make chicken stock. I made pork chops for dinner to eat with our apple sauce and the potato salad I made earlier. Also, I started a loaf of bread in the bread machine for breakfast tomorrow. And I sliced up the soap that I made last night.

What on earth.

I texted my folks, telling them half of what I just told you and said, "What have I become?!!" My dad replied, "a farm wife."

And it's hard to deny it. Especially when I ate my supper in my apron.

End Scene Three

I fear that all sounds boastful and braggadocios. But I am processing so much in my head right now and want to try to get it out. I feel like I have had a complete and utter farm girl transformation this summer- well, actually since the day I turned 37, the day Miracle was born. And I'm so surprised by it because we have been here for six years but it didn't happen until this year.

Here's why it mystifies me. If I wanted to become a lawyer, I would research law schools, fill out applications, pick a school, move to a new city and attend classes for four years. At the end of those four years I would study for the bar exam, and then look for a firm where I could begin my practice. I would be an attorney, just as I had intended from the start.

Now I know I have lived on this farm for six years. And I was obviously around when we built the barn and when we dreamed our dreams. But in my head it was still all Rory's work to be done. I would just enjoy the beautiful surroundings.

Instead I am up to my neck in it! Boom. I'm a lawyer! Just by living on the campus of the law school.

It started with bottle feeding Miracle every three hours, eight times a day, making that trek out to the barn in the middle of the night (in the dark of winter...), smiling at Darcy the goat and beginning to really love our animals. And then when I started milking Darcy I took over all of the morning chores. It just made sense. I'm outside anyway so why not feed and water the cats, chickens, sheep and goats.

And then! And then I started weeding the garden. Whaaaaa?!!! And I sincerely, truly, for real enjoy it. I have thought often how weeding a garden is a lot like sorting the junk drawer. I love organization, and a garden clear of weeds just looks so pleasing to me. Then I began preserving our food and have quarts of tomato sauce, pickles, gallon bags of frozen cut french fries, jars of raspberry freezer jam, and salsa.

I guess I'm just trying to explain that this wasn't my intention. I didn't go to law school intending to be a lawyer. And I didn't move to this farm thinking that one day I'd milk a goat. But here, in my 37th year of life, I have become a full-fledged farmer and I am still surprised by this fact.

making myself low

I opened the door to the garage to bring the trash out and nearly stepped on this heap of nursing kittens! Look at that Mama. She looks so over it! I love this picture so much because the past few days I have felt like Bowa, our mama cat. Pouring it all out, giving it all away, being sucked dry. (I wrote this post last weekend...but I still want to post it.)

If you have kids I know you know this feeling. And I think it's especially intense right this moment before the start of a school year. There is a panic that creeps into me every end-of-August, "am I restored? did I get the rest I needed this summer? am I ready for the demands that are ahead?" And the answer is a sinking and definite, "no."

My kids are in full gear these days. Alden is monkey-ing around, pulling down table cloths, sticking everything in his mouth for quality control, pulling cords, screaming with excitement and demands to go outside. Hattie is into it all as well. Her greatest life struggle is trying to find two shoes so she can go outside. Much of my life is spent looking for any pair of Hattie's shoes. Elsie is my clingy companion and at the moment the most demanding. She needs me non-stop. She wakes up with a plan for us, and if I fall short in any way she falls into a heap on the floor, disappointment made visible, mom-guilt flooding the room. And I am trying to stay strong and set boundaries and expectations, but she must just be going through a stage or something. She wants to be right by me all the time, in my lap, all limbs wrapped in some way around my body like a grape vine. It's really something. Well, it's really exhausting is what it is. And Ivar has his own needs, though they are less obvious because he is growing into something so independent of me. Mostly he tells me jokes non-stop, or lego plot-lines or reasons why he has too many chores.

Anyway, this weekend my personal space began crying out. It's also the weekend I have completely weened Alden so hormones are also a huge factor. Add in the beginning of the school year, farm chores, preserving the garden and running the home and I was ready to run for the hills.

And the world would say, "absolutely! You deserve a break! Get out of that house for an overnight and recharge!" And given the right heart, I think a break would be wise too.

But have you ever had a morning off or the house to yourself and not known what to do with yourself? I hear this from friends all the time. What we think we want finally comes, and we are lost. And then that time away is over and nothing has changed. It's after enough of these experiences without a change of heart that I have learned better. Because it is really a heart problem. It's my heart and it is my own selfishness that is trying to overtake my selflessness.

God showed me this with crystal clear clarity this morning at church. Our pastor, Danny, stood up after a few songs and talked about humility and how pride is the very first thing to creep into any cracks in our foundation. But we serve a righteous and holy God who calls for humble vessels, willing to be filled by him alone. Danny said that kneeling is simply a way to remind our bodies who it was who created our souls.  He suggested that if anyone felt the nudge, they should get to their knees in a posture of humility and submission.

I didn't get on my knees.

Because at that moment Elsie was spread across my lap like a wet noodle, whisper-yelling at me to "scratch my back. harder. lighter. give me a head massage..." She sat on me looking forward, then turned around to face me, all the while twisting up my dress. My thought was that with Hattie and Alden in the nursery, I could use the hour to fill this girl up, give her all the love and touch that she needs and enjoy just her. Instead I just felt smothered.

Like a farm cat nursing six kittens.

But I laughed as Danny suggested we get in a humbled posture. And I realized that Danny's words were for me. I wasn't on my knees, but my posture was the same. My daily-non-stop-every-moment life of service for my family is utterly stripping me of my own desires. And this daily pouring myself out can only be maintained if I turn to the one who pours himself out for me.

So this is where I am left this afternoon. As I typed this, Elsie came and asked for cheese four times, hoping for a different answer from me. We have a season of growth ahead of us. Boundaries will be set and kept and there are some demanding weeds I am ready to pull while they are still little and she can understand why they must go.

And I have weeds of my own that need to be pulled too. I have been working myself into a self-righteous tizzy and it's going to lead to nothing good. I have heart work to be done, a few conversations that need to happen with God as we make a plan ahead, Him teaching me how to lay down my life for my friends, Him showing me that the only real happiness to be found is in fellowship with Him daily. There is a lot of room for new growth and I have a lot to learn. Good thing it's the start of a new school year!

And I just had this realization. Elsie is glomming onto me and needing every bit of me. I am weary. So I need to glom onto Jesus because I need every bit of him. And I need to teach Elsie to do the same. That well never runs dry. I think Elsie and I have some sweet moments ahead, reading our Bible's and talking about what it means to be God's girls. Doesn't that feel like a great next step?

joy boy

Rory asked me recently if I was getting enough pictures of Alden and his great grin. So here they are with Grandpa Paul. Alden is such a riot. He wakes up first in the morning with Rory and then later I come down with Hattie. And when I do Alden goes bananas, "aaaaaaaTeeeeee! aaaaaaaaTeeeeeee!" And he and Hattie hug and rub their heads together and discuss which kitchen cupboards and drawers they are going to empty first that day. It's a great way to start the day.

kittens!

Our cat Boa had another litter of kittens when we were at Mount Carmel! You may remember she already had a litter back in March, so she is quite...fertile. And this time she upped her game to SIX kittens. Oh my. Bob Barker would be worried about this. But we're not because we live on a farm. And because they are so, so darling. 

That said, if you or anyone else is looking for a kitten, these are VERY tame and sweet. 

Five are orange and one is black. A friend of mine recently told me that most black cats are female and 80% of orange cats are male. I never knew this before and haven't officially checked with this litter, though it was true for all of our former cats!  I suppose it has something to do with a punnett square or something. So now you know too. 

soaking it up!

It's been quiet here on the blog, but mostly because it's not been quiet in real life. We are soaking up these days of gorgeous weather and trying to fit it all in. This picture above is a personal fav. We celebrated these births of these fab four at the Apple Valley Water Park with this darling birthday cake made my Lisa. She always hits it out of the park. I went down the green slide and toilet bowl with Ivar again and laughed so hard. That is definitely one of my very favorite things to do with that boy- go down water slides. We scream and laugh and I feel 7 too.

I have so many pictures to post and decided I will do lots of short little posts to get them all up there. So get ready. Here they come...

can the rainbow

Did I ever tell you my new year's resolution? My resolution was to Can the Rainbow and I'm on my way! Sunday I came home from a baby shower and Rory had spent the two hours making pickles. Then yesterday he came in the house with a box of red tomatoes and a box of green tomatoes. And on a whim I decided to make tomato sauce. And then today I made a new favorite: Green Tomato Salsa.  I got the recipe from Can it and Ferment it, written by a Minnesota author, with a few additions.

And the rest is jam: raspberry, blueberry and blueberry/raspberry. I still plan to make a few more things to fill out the rainbow, but I'd say this is a very glorious start!

Other Resolution Check-Ins:
Rory's was to grow his own wheat and make a loaf of bread. I think we're going to do it! The wheat definitely went to weed, but we harvested the wheat last week, me with a scissors and Rory pulling the weeds as we moved down the little test plot. It will be a small loaf, but it's going to happen! (Also, the oats we grew were harvested and will be ground into my next batch of soap!)

Elsie's was to learn how to read. We are making progress! We are on lesson 68 of her 100 Easy Lessons and making sure we are fully confident before we move on.

Hattie's was to grow her hair it. It's coming! We think.

Alden's resolution was to learn how to walk. He'll definitely be there by the new year! He's doing that standing and crouching thing without holding onto anything.

Ivar's was to get a rabbit and build a hutch. Done and done. And I will say Rory built a gorgeous hutch with him. It's still not completely done, but it is one classy rabbit dwelling. Also, look at this picture of him. He is getting so old. I feel like I'm watching him change right before my eyes. His humor is sense of self and his blue on blue. He's growing up!

the whole 30

I never posted this blog post. I wrote it back in April, and I think I felt weird since it's about a diet. But I found it and thought the pictures were inspiring and I really did appreciate my 30 days on the Whole30. So here's that long, and picture-full post:

When I was pregnant with Alden my number one craving was Whole Milk. I drank glasses of it each day. And even now, while in the season of nursing, I still love the stuff. And every day in my coffee I pour a whole lot of heavy whipping cream.

When we got Miracle back from the vet we looked up Lamb's Milk Replacer and found a recipe that called for whole milk, heavy whipping cream and two raw eggs. It promised to fatten our lamb up nicely.

Sometimes the dots have to be reeeealy close for me to connect them. But these ones got connected. I was consuming all the same things that promised to fatten up my lamb. So I knew my days of Whole Milk needed to come to an end. But then I started thinking about all of dairy and how they add growth hormones to the cows and how that is affecting the size of people in the world. And so I googled, "no dairy eating plan" looking for inspiration as I try to lay off the cow's milk.

I started reading about The Whole 30, which has been around for a while and decided that very moment to start. It was quite impulsive. But I was excited. I needed this swift kick in the right direction. It was time.

So thanks to Miracle, I am now heading in the right direction. I will say this is pretty extreme cleanse, and I will add some things back into my diet after the 30 days, but I will also say I feel incredible. My energy has not been this consistent in a long while. Even at 4:00pm I'm still feeling good. That's a real wonder with Alden teething and Miracle's feedings.

Also, I have been taking pictures of my food, something that really motivates me to plate my food and make it look delicious and I want to share those here. I have taken so many pictures of my plates that Elsie has started asking me to take pictures of her plates as well. She's the best. And not on the Whole30.

Here is the page that explains the Whole 30 Shebang if you're at all interested. I will say to eat this way has felt incredible, and to get off of sugar is quite the experience for me. They call it 'the sugar dragon' and say, 'don't wake your sugar dragon.' Waking your sugar dragon could be taking just one bite of a brownie. And suddenly that dragon inside you is awake and ravenous. It wants more sugar. So you feed it more and more and more.

But if you can get off of sugar, that dragon does go to sleep, and sugar does not have a grip on you. Easter was a real test. I was surrounded by cookies, brownies, reeces peanut butter eggs (!!!) whoppers (another personal fav), snickers, dots, jelly beans, chocolate bunnies...all of it! And it's all been in the house since then. But my sugar dragon is sound asleep, and I do not even feel tempted. Truly. It is quite the phenomenon for me to experience. Because if I wasn't on this Whole30 and if my Dragon was awake, I would have eaten it all. It would all be long gone by now. I just love candy and sweets so much. But because I'm off of sugar, it doesn't hold that control over me. My Dragon is asleep, and life is less tempting. How incredible is that?!! If you've never had a sleeping sugar dragon, it really is something amazing to experience.

The Whole30 is an eating plan that says for 30 days I will not eat any 1)dairy 2)grains of any kind 3)added sugar of any kind 4)beans and legumes. Which leads a person to wonder, then what in the world can you eat?!!

So here's what I have been eating. And man, I have been eating well! So many eggs, sweet potatoes, kale, peppers, cauliflower rice and asparagus. My body is getting better fuel than it has in months. And though this is a challenge, it is not hard. I'm doing this because I want to feel my best.

 This is sort of a taco bowl: taco meat, kale, cauliflower rice and homemade mayonnaise,

The family was eating spaghetti. So this is my version.

 Mediterranean lamb patties with cauliflower rice

 We've got beef, lamb, goat and chicken all in our deep freeze right now!

 I almost got a spiralizer but figured out I could just cut my zucchini with a knife. :)

 Leftover Easter Frittata: ham, asparagus, sweet potatoes and onions

 Shepherd's Pie with lamb and sweet potatoes (so good, but next time I'd use yellow potatoes.) 

 Turkey Meatballs with roasted tomatoes

Along the lines of the Sugar Dragon...I am realizing through this Whole30 that I typically put sugar on everything. BBQ sauce on my chicken? Sugar. 57 Sauce on my steak? Sugar. Ketchup on my fries? Sugar. Dressing on a healthy salad? Sugar. Marinara on my Spaghetti? Sugar. We take foods that are good for us and cover them in sugar. At like every meal! This is really eye opening. All my condiments are now all under scrutiny and will likely be either handmade or well researched from here on out.

My cast iron skillet is used daily on this eating plan. I am cooking a lot, but I am feeling really good about it. Also, I checked out all of the Whole30 books I could find at the library, and they are great for giving me new ideas of what to eat each day. And the Whole30 isn't new. So there are TONS of ideas online, tons of one-week-eating plans with grocery lists. It takes some prep time in the kitchen, but it's worth it. Energy is up, mood swings are gone and I feel great. I once said the thing about eating less processed foods is that YOU have to do the processing. That is true here, but it feels really satisfying, just like everything that is worth doing. If you're feeling like you're in a eating rut, give this a go. It makes for a great, empowering, learning month.

lake city daycation 2018

It's one of my favorite destinations. It's just an hour from our front door to the water. It's a glorious country drive to get there. And there is always a picnic, ice cream cones and blue water to enjoy. It's a day in Lake City.

This time my folks came along and pushed the kids on the swings, cut up food for Alden and generously payed for the ice cream cones and fried chicken. :) We loved our time together and feel so fortunate that we have grandparents close by for these special outings.

Hattie was overjoyed that she got her very own ice cream cone. She clarified that point many times before hand, "ice cream, me. ice cream, me." And though much of the ice cream ended up on her dress, it was still all her own.

Then we went to Lark Toys in Kellogg. It's such a great store. Of course the kids love it there, but I do too. It's got something for everyone and many of their toys are unwrapped to be played with as demo toys. So it is super fun for the kids. Ivar and his dad talked dragons for a long, long time.

We ended by attempting the carousel, but both of my girls panicked and had to get off the ride before it began. Still not sure what that was all about, but I thank the kind people who let us exit with flare before their ride began. We took it as a sign that it was time to head home for naps. But not before Grandma bought us all jelly beans. I love a good daycation!