John Denver

Country Roads from Becca Groves on Vimeo.

We're enjoying a snow day here. And as always, John Denver. 

Solo by Ivar, special guest Elsie joins in at the end...

being good to myself

I am so grateful for the emails, texts, phone calls and comments I got from Thursday's post. I suppose I knew on some level that by going there I was inviting a whole lot of room for response, but I think that was the point. Depression is isolating, and I've been alive long enough to know that a whole lot of people deal with this. Some long term, some short term, some in the winter, some after a tragedy, some after a baby, some while in transition, some while trying to put their life back in order. And sometimes things are just out of balance on the inside and it doesn't have much to do with what is happening on the outside. For lots of us it is some combination of a few of the above.

I really do think this is related to weaning. I found more information here, here and here. The timing lines up perfectly, and I did wean Elsie very quickly mostly because she finally took to the bottle and I was eager for some good sleep (Ivar slept great after taking formula). But I never even considered my own body's reaction as I stopped nursing.

I've been getting outside and that has been great. It's still cold here in Minnesota, but the sun has been shining and that feels awesome. The picture above was taken Sunday. Ivar insisted that his duplos come along in his stylish 31 bag. :)

now for a bit of levity: johnny pineapple

I've got more to say about yesterday's post. But for now, this seemed fitting for a Friday:

I worked at a nursing home for a few years as an activities coordinator. While going through some pictures I found this shot, and remembered an email I sent out telling the whole story. I found the email! 

January 15, 2007

Today Johnny Pineapple came to the nursing home to entertain our residents during our winter luau. He called us staff ladies up front for a little hula dancing and we worked the crowd. When Mr. Pineapple was packing up his things he asked if I had a moment to talk. I didn't- I had to go call bingo. He stuck around and an hour later tracked me down and made a job offer as his side kick, a Waikiki Wildcat hula girl. For real.

He does local gigs for area boy scout troops, nursing home events, father-daughter church banquets and is in need of a hula girl. He said, "my current hula girl is going through a really messy divorce, and I could just tell you can work a crowd...they loved you out there. Now you're the first person I've asked, and before you say no I've got to tell you, it's good money. $200 for 45 minutes of dancing. We would do an every other song thing...I'd sing for a song, then you'd come out and dance for a song and while one of us is on stage, the other is changing their costume just to keep our presentation appealing to the eye. We each have like 5 outfits"

You can check him out at johnnypineapple.com  Part of me is tempted by the amazing writing material I could glean from this sort of work. The other part of me is tempted by the money. The other part of me is laughing my head off picturing myself shaking my hips in front of a bunch of cub scouts.

february reflections/ postpartum and naming my fears

I actually have felt myself growing this month. I feel wide open, aware of my weaknesses and am able to look right at them. Aware of my fears. Able to name them. It's not often I have this sort of clarity, so I am counting this as a blessing, though it is a vulnerable place to land.

I chose this picture to put with this post because I want my kids to forever see me growing and becoming the woman God made me to be. I want them to see me treat myself kindly, listen for God's leading and not afraid to be vulnerable and tender.

February Reflections:
A Humbling: Without going into all of the details I have been humbled this month like I have never been humbled before. In a task that I felt fully confident and empowered to lead, I think I may have missed the mark. And this has left me with my head bowed, my heart softened and my ego deflated.

God's Will: I have a dear friend who has lost three babies. I heard a story of three sisters in a fatal accident that knocked the wind out of me. I have a friend who just had her ultrasound and was told the very thing a mom and a dad hope never to hear. It has left me in a place where I wonder why some live to 98 and others will never take a breath out of the womb. But I've been reading my Bible and finding comfort. And that feels good. And better than good, it feels loving. I always feel so loved when God continues to teach me. Through Job and Isaiah, Matthew and Paul I am learning much.

Postpartum: I looked up symptoms and signs of Postpartum Depression. I found one very helpful site that listed six surprising symptoms. Anger and Irritability was number one. Trouble falling asleep and going back to sleep was number two. I've had these symptoms in spades and I took some comfort just knowing there really are intense hormones at play in my body. I also think this has been a long winter and that moving to a new home has played into my daily outlook, but I also think postpartum is real and I've been affected.*

Hard on myself: I think this is a result of the above, but I have been terrible to myself. I come home from gatherings and replay every stupid thing I said. I beat myself up for having talked too much. I replay conversations and feel guilty for having missed obvious topics that deserved a quality follow up question. It's ridiculous. I can write about this today because I had a nice day of good conversations. But I have spent far too many evenings laying in bed wishing I had acted differently, reacted differently, said something or not said something. It's exhausting. And it is time to start accepting myself, foot in mouth and all.

And so this is where I begin the month of March. I have a few goals for this new month:
1. Be nicer to myself
2. Keep reading my Bible
3. Pray and Meditate
4. Get outside for walks, take my multivitamin, buy more daffodils and tulips, drink lots of fresh squeezed citrus juice and play more music

March should be good. It's my birthday month, afterall!

bring on springtime

I bought these lovely flowers at Cub Foods last Thursday night as my own personal reminder that springtime will come. Last week was really cold and we were going a little crazy in this house. So on Thursday night we went to one of the hotels in town and paid five dollars a person to swim and hot tub for the night. It was money very well spent and felt like a little mini vacation.

And then I came home and made my favorite treat as of late: super pulpy grapefruit and orange juice. I got a little hand squeezer thing for a few bucks and love it so much.

We had the place to ourselves and the pool was warm as a bath. Ivar wasn't interested in getting in though. And we didn't push it. Elsie was in a great mood (I even brought her exersaucer so she could be self contained and happy) and Rory and I sat in the hot tub until I felt hot. What a great feeling!

Pinterest Fail and Prevail/ Microwave Cleaning

I'm in a season of Pinterest addiction. It's sort of my unwind time. My get-my-mind-on-other-things time. I would consider the amount of time I spend browsing to be my FAIL if I wasn't finding such handy little ideas...

Like a post about microwave cleaning. PREVAIL!

You're looking at my microwave above, after the wipe down.  I am not going to be showing you the before picture because I have my pride, you know. But it was bad. Really bad.

I put a cup of hot water and a cup of white vinegar in this pyrex, set the cook time for 10 minutes and watched the water and vinegar boil and steam the whole microwave. Then I took a towel and wiped the baby down and everything came off like some glorious infomercial. It was so easy! (and boiling hot...be careful!)

Click here for more clever household helps.

home tour: little house on the grovestead

Oh goodness. A while back I said I would do a home tour. And I've heard from a few friends saying they've been waiting for that post.

This is a good blogging lesson. Never announce you're going to do a post like this before you get it put together. Because it sort of turns the post into uninspired homework. Like I assigned work to myself. Gross. But because I'm a great student, I will follow through. E for Effort.

A few things before we begin the home tour:
1. I'm trying not to post any pics of the outside of our house.
2. I'm not a stellar photographer.
3. When we first moved in, we got a few things on the walls, bought some curtains and then I ran out of steam in the decorating. And I haven't touched a thing in months. I have hopes and dreams to bedazzle it up a bit, but for now, the downstairs is pretty empty (though full of toys).

We'll begin with our bedroom. It's the smallest in the house, and is the walk through to the nursery. It fits our bed and a hemnes secretary desk and two dressers. It is tight. And when it's not picked up, if feels quite cozy. But it works. That heart on the wall is a favorite. It reads: Together is such a nice place to be. And it is.

We make our bedroom work because we wanted Ivar to have the big room so that it could double as the playroom. Eventually he'll be joined by siblings and there is plenty of room for that. I love Ivar's room. In the afternoon it is full of sunshine and we spend a lot of time playing on the carpet.

Elsie's room can be seen here. But I did want to point out that Elsie's window is the best one to watch the garbage man every Tuesday morning, a highlight of our day, and sometimes our week.

When we first saw this house I was thrilled about all of the carpet and the side by side living rooms. In the day of hard wood floors, this is sort of funny to admit. But I love our carpet so much.

The staircase is the only woodwork original to the house. It is beautiful. The railing is super short...like really super short, but it is perfect for Ivar. And notice the door at the bottom of the stairs. That door at the bottom of the stairs used to be the front door to the house, but the lane was moved when this farmland was subdivided, and then the garage was built on the backside of the house, which is now the front side. Confused? So are we. We have real troubles saying, "in the backyard" or "in the front yard" It's not so clear with our house...

Lately when I am in this room I believe I can hear the walls saying, "paint me! paint me!" So we'll add that to the list of when-the-spirit-moves projects.

Pictured below is sort of a second living room. We think it might have been where the original kitchen was, before the addition. We first used it to house Rory's office, then it held our Christmas tree. Now I use it as a crafting space, but we are super excited to be adding a huge picture window to this room (on the couch side) and front door to our house. Currently everyone enters through our garage. Even the UPS guy. Even the Jehovah's Witness.

There are a few pictures of the kitchen here from the day my aunts came to visit. And this post is omitting the bathrooms and the laundry room because, well, they're what you'd expect.

This concludes the home tour. I appreciate it when bloggers I follow let me into their home...sort of helps set the setting for all of their storytelling. But if you thought this totally self indulgent and weird, it probably was that too.

Have a happy Monday. :)

happy weekending

We are getting some good snow here today. Planning to lay low. And go to a fish fry for supper!
Happy Weekend!

quick meal idea

If you have followed this blog for any length of time, you know that I have some struggles with suppertime. I've gone through seasons of making up meal menu's, choosing 'kitchen table' as my one little word to focus on for the year of 2012, and in general had issues with planning enough in advance so that everything isn't still in a frozen state when it's time to start prepping the meal.

So when I find a quick meal that is healthy too, I sort of feel obligated to share the love. Because you've seen me through some mealtime highs (Sunday night grocery shopping is the new kick I'm on. I've also blogged enthusiastically about Once a Month Meal Making, which lasted for exactly one month...) even if they're short lived.

But this recipe is a winner. And it's easy. And the following can all be purchased at a Target that is not even Super. Heh. (Like the Targets that have the mini grocery stores in them...)

We've got four ingredients here: Turkey Kielbasa, Purple Onion, Sugar Peas and Sweet Peppers.

I cut everything up, put it in the electric skillet, adding no seasonings or sauces and waited until everything got a bit browned. We ate it with rice that I made with chicken broth and it was a huge hit. And so easy.

Enjoy!

play a game board!

Ivar has a way with words:
+He and Rory have a special bonding ritual sharing mandarin oranges right out of the can. Ivar calls them Mandaray Oranges.
+He calls chocolate Chlocklick
+He calls his step stool a Step Stoolul
+Stawberries are Strawbolies
+He says funny things like, "oh elsie, look at that smile!" and holds her chin
+And he was quoted saying, "I make the air poopie. I tooted!"
+His favorite nonsense word is saucy shooshoo
+A favorite pastime is to "play a game board!" Chutes and Ladders and Candy Land are favorites. In Candy Land, if a double red is drawn, your guy can pick any red place to land. Forward or back, there is no real end to that game. In Chutes and Ladders we let our guys play on the game board like a big playground. Again, no winning. Just playing. Up and down the slides, stopping for a snack by the girl who is stealing cookies out of the cookie jar, visiting the boy who is helping the kitty out of the tree.
+And just today I heard myself remind him, "Ivar, you cannot draw on your sister's feet."

Mashed-up Love

Our church is in the middle of a sermon series on love and marriage. It's been really, really good. The first Sunday they introduced the series with the performance above. Bree put the whole thing together and I was so impressed. I loved it and was excited when the video went up on youtube...wanted to pass it along!

date questions

The night Rory proposed to me was a complete surprise. I thought I was going dog-sitting. Instead, I was getting a diamond ring on my finger. Then he took me to my parents house where our families were gathered to celebrate. And when everyone left, Rory gave me a card with two airline tickets for Chicago. He said we would leave in the morning.

We flew to Chicago and stayed with a friend of Rory's from college. Tony and his wife Glenda had just had their first baby, Luke. Luke was little...like maybe a month or two old. We walked into their house with love and happiness overflowing, giddy with joy and dreamy thoughts of our life to come. And in the most perfect way I could ever imagine, Tony and Glenda sort of counseled us on what was to come. Not the bad and the ugly...but the real stuff. The exhausted moments, the rough patches, the stuff that gets forgotten when you're trying on big white dresses and taste testing beautifully frosted cakes.

I look back at that little getaway with so much thankfulness. Conversations were deep and honest and each night Rory would come into their home office where I was staying and we'd talk about our marriage that was coming after the wedding.

While on that trip we made a list of Date Questions. These have become a cornerstone in our marriage. Intended to be brought out once a month, these little questions were written in response to the honesty Tony and Glenda were speaking. 

Our first year of marriage Rory kept these questions in his wallet and we referred to them often. Eventually they were taped in a kitchen cupboard in Minneapolis. And we talked about them once in a while. But then we stopped using them. 

On Valentine's Day I opened my card from Rory and there was the little paper that has been with us for eight years now. 

So over heart-shaped sushi rolls and Hibachi chicken, we took it from the top and discussed all ten questions. It was so good. These questions are pretty awesome. They get you talking about things that might not come up naturally, but should be discussed. And they are proactive. They don't leave you stuck and frustrated. They help you make a plan for the month ahead. 

So here they are. (We decided we would look at them at the beginning of each month...even if we aren't out of the house on an official date.) 

Date Questions:

1. Does the way we spend our time reflect our priorities (God, each other, family, friends)

2. What have we done outdoors in the last month?

3. Did we speak each other's love language last month? 

4. Can we schedule in intentional downtime this month?

5. How have we served others in the past month?

6. Is there something unique we could plan this month?

7. Are there any special demands, deadlines or events the other person should be aware of? How can we support each other?

8. Highpoints/Lowpoints- Is there any way to avoid the low points?

9. Is there anyone in our lives who could use some special TLC + prayer?

10. Do we need to plan any getaways for vacations this month?

Elsie's smile

I have been trying to capture it for weeks. And in an awesome twist, my beloved neighbor girls got the Very Happy Elsie Smile caught on camera while babysitting.

Oh Elsie, you are such a joy. (And clearly you love your babysitters!)

two little cupids

Two Little Cupids are wondering why on earth their mother has them stripped down to their diapers and holding a bow and arrow. 

Two Little Cupids hope you had a very Happy Valentines Day!

Tiny Heart

My great grandma's name was Bertha. She came to America from Sweden when she was 19. She worked for a while and then went back to Sweden to get her little sister and her niece, Ebba. The story of these three women, coming to America has completely captured my imagination. There are terrible trials and hardships...and they were alone. Bertha's little sister died after just two years in America of typhoid fever and Bertha had to write a letter to her mom and dad back in Sweden telling them the crushing news.

I've been reading all about my family's history: from farming in Sweden to homesteading in Southern Minnesota. My Aunt Jan compiled numerous interviews, newspaper articles, and personal narratives into one incredible page-turning book. (Cousins. If you haven't read the Bredberg History book we all got at Grandma's party, get it out. Start at the part that begins with Great Grandma Bertha. You'll be so proud to be her great grandchild!)

Sadly, I'm years late in realizing what a treasure I have had in my possession. Aunt Jan gifted these books to all of us years ago. I never read mine. Now she's gone and I am spellbound by our family story. I wish I could call her and thank her. I wish I could sit down with my grandma and ask more questions.

In an effort to seize the day, I called up Ebba's daughter, Ferne. Ebba was the niece that my great grandma brought back to America with her. Ferne has always been a part of my life, at every Bredberg gathering I can think of. A great storyteller and a great big personality.

I took Elsie on Saturday to visit with Ferne and her daughter Chris in South Minneapolis. And we heard many more stories. I asked more questions. And I have a feeling we just skimmed the surface. I can't wait to go back and hear more.

But maybe my favorite new piece of history that I learned is this: Ferne, holding Elsie above, was best friends with Elsie Cash, my grandma's sister and my baby Elsie's namesake. Elsie was Ferne's maid of honor. Their farms neighbored each other and they had special signals to greet each other by flashing their car lights towards the other farm, or flicking the kitchen lights at the end of the day. Ways of saying "good night" and "hello." When they were young they did a demonstration speech together for 4H on making bread and Ferne said, "we can't remember who said it. I thought she said it, she thought I said it, but one of us said, 'You'll know your dough is ready when you can touch it and it doesn't stick to your hands or your feet.' Oh we laughed about that."

This was a treasure. To get to know a bit more of Elsie Cash and to watch 98-year-old Ferne hold my Elsie.

Ferne is a writer, speaker and poet. My dad sent this poem to me when he heard I was going to visit her. I thought it was the perfect poem to share today, on Valentines Day.

Tiny Heart
by Ferne Nelson, 2002

My tiny heart began with a gentle beat
Close to my Mother's heart

Upon my birth the beatings became stronger
Giving vigor to my infant body

Through childhood, youth years and adult life
There has been a steady beat

Increasing activities made demands
My faithful heart worked well

It has sustained me these many years
and I've had love and joy

Some days the gentle beat will return and take me
close to the heart of my Lord